Is this normal 😩…

[Breeze03]

I’m a first time mum to DD who is 9 weeks. My partner and I have a strict ‘no kissing her’ rule which everyone has been told and told why…

A few family members have done so regardless. When these specific family members hold her now, I get agitated and internally stressed.

my MIL - who’s prone to getting cold sores - has done so a couple of times and says ‘she just doesn’t think and it was normal when she had kids’.

now because she’s done it a few times, I feel as though she seems to think it’s okay. But now I’m paranoid to have her around the baby.

my own mum has told me this isn’t normal and shouldn’t be affecting how I feel so much…

advice please?

Is the lump sort of in the corner where your lips meet, and it's like the skin has cracked there, but it gets bigger and more irritated and extends out beyond the lip?

I get this. And I used to worry so much about it being a coldsore. It's actually called Angular Cheilitis and it is not related to the cold sore virus at all. It happens because bacteria fron your mouth get into little cracks in the skin, which happens when you sleep with your mouh open, which you tend to do when not getting much sleep.

Have you been reading a lot of Reddit? I feel like they are obsessed with the "dangers" of kissing babies (and some other stuff that is supposedly dangerous) to a frankly unhealthy degree, and if there are subreddits which are fuelling your anxiety like this, it's best to stay away from them.

I get that also! Or did when I was pregnant and my iron levels were low. My dad also gets that, I feel for you cause it can be pretty sore at times. And no Reddit. Don’t usually post forums etc. But my feeds were covered in HSV stuff when I was first pregnant so it’s perhaps sprung from there.

If I’m honest until today I’ve never thought deeply about myself not kissing her at this stage. I defo wasn’t expecting hundreds of comments about it. And yeah I would worry afterwards or would have worried. I suppose the back of her head wouldn’t do any harm.
people have me feeling abnormal for not kissing my baby as soon as she was born. I was blinded by tears with happy emotions but apparently not normal for not instantly kissing her 🙈 also had a mask on lol not by choice.
People who get Coldsores speaking about it obviously makes me realise I’ve been too cautious.

Maybe if anything it’s taught me that if you’re too caught up in something or about something, you miss other things :).

Don't worry OP. You won't be the first or t he last new parent to go slightly overboard with certain issues. I think it's important to speak out about our worries and what we are doing, because it's helpful, for oneself and many others.

I kissed both my babies when they were, I don't know, 5 seconds old? It was instinct and the very first thing I did. So the thought of a mum not kissing her baby makes me sad. I get the concern around cold sores and the herpes virus, and I was LIVID when my dad kissed my baby with a clearly visible cold sore on his mouth (thankfully, it was a kiss on the cheek and head and so no ill effects) - but you say yourself that you've never had a cold sore, so I'm not sure the level of concern you have over kissing your baby is proportional - and I think that's what other posters are picking up on. There are many things that can cause lip tingling, including just having dry lips and needing a bit of lip balm. I totally get the instinct to protect your baby - especially since it sounds like you had a rough start with your c-section recovery - but kissing a baby is one of life's great joys. Particularly when it's YOUR baby. Mine are 3.5 and 1.5 at the moment, and I kiss them constantly. It is SO hard as a first time mum trying to do the best for your kiddo and not always feeling like you know what you're doing - what I've learned over the last few years is just that as long as you're showering them with love, you're doing OK. As for grandparents et. - your baby, your rules!

Blimey.. kiss your baby. On the cheek, the forehead etc. I couldn't imagine not kissing my baby. I kiss him so many times a day. Not on the lips but on his face and back of his hands. You are perfectly reasonable to not want others to kiss her but I can't see what harm you kissing her does. Do you wear gloves when you hold her? I mean... odd behaviour

Your issue here is not the coldsores, its the anxiety over them.

THATS what you should do something about. If anxiety is so bad it is making you avoid things that are normal, you should seek help for it.

You have a legitmate reason to talk to a HCP about this. Get yourself checked physically as part of that if it helps. The reality is that your anxiety is out of control and needs better management.

Focus on that. Then that will help you deal with family members. You can not control things to this extent because this isn't just about the coldsores. It will be something else, and then something else.

The whole point is you've had something happen (housebound and infection) which seems to have set this off.

Try to understand the nature of anxiety, and the idea of whats normal.