Is this normal 😩…

[Breeze03]

I’m a first time mum to DD who is 9 weeks. My partner and I have a strict ‘no kissing her’ rule which everyone has been told and told why…

A few family members have done so regardless. When these specific family members hold her now, I get agitated and internally stressed.

my MIL - who’s prone to getting cold sores - has done so a couple of times and says ‘she just doesn’t think and it was normal when she had kids’.

now because she’s done it a few times, I feel as though she seems to think it’s okay. But now I’m paranoid to have her around the baby.

my own mum has told me this isn’t normal and shouldn’t be affecting how I feel so much…

advice please?

Not kissing your own baby is so sad, kissing is one of the most basic human interactions to communicate love.
You also say you don't want others to kiss her and you can't see that changing - so if one of the grandparents wants to kiss her when she's 4, you will tell her not to allow it? That would be very weird indeed and sounds like you are setting your daughter up for a lifetime of issues around physical affection.
Seriously, you need to get help around this issue because you aren't doing your baby any favours.

Of course she gets everything else and it’s just for the time being but we haven’t determined when we’re comfortable with it. We of course do things like play kisses but not mouth touching etc. she’s in no way deprived of any sort of affection :)

OP; please explain why you don't kiss your own baby! As a PP said upthread they need this type of contact for development.
It's so so sad for your baby.

It might become something that’s normal but we both don’t feel comfortable with it at the moment and don’t see that changing soon. There’s other ways to give physical affection. Lots of hugs etc rather than mouth to skin affection, I especially won’t want people kissing her mouth to mouth. I think it’s just something I personally became uncomfortable with. I understand if a child is never ever kissed that could be completely detrimental to their socialisation and later as an adult or adolescent.

It’s not normal, @Breeze03

Please speak to your health visitor or Gp as this is way beyond even the normal parental anxiety round a new born.

I genuinely cannot fathom why you wouldn’t kiss your baby, and you need help to deal with this

I don’t get cold sores myself but get to tingling patches on and off on my own lips. I don’t know why I get this and have No sores etc. So for that reason as she’s so little I don’t feel comfortable doing it whilst her immune system is developing. I’ve had it more than a few times since she’s been born!

But parenting a very young infant is by nature extremely physically intimate . Breastfeeding, skin-to-skin contact, changing nappies, bathing...what is it about a little kiss that makes you more uncomfortable than all the other normal parts of interacting physically with your child?

Are you breastfeeding?

I EBF for 7 weeks and combination / moving over towards bottle feeding at the moment :)

These replies are very strange. It's incredibly normal to not want people to kiss your baby? It may not have been normal 20 years ago- but almost everyone I know who has had a baby in the past few years including myself have had this rule too.
It's wrong for anybody to go against your wishes- no matter how close the relative. Get your partner to have a word with her.

You've got good willpower. I used to snog my baby's stupid little face off. Completely irresistible.

When you say you don’t kiss your baby do you just mean on the mouth? I didn’t kiss DS on the mouth but I smothered him in kisses on his head, his cheeks, his belly, his chubby little legs etc.

I don’t know anyone who had a no kissing rule so I don’t think it is normal no. If someone has an active cold sore then that is different but I can’t imagine denying a grandparent the opportunity to kiss the top of their grandchild’s head etc.

You've never kissed your baby...cheek,head, ?
If this is the case maybe get some support for your health anxiety.

Send her links of what can happen to babies who contract cold sores...

“When a mother kisses her baby, she samples the pathogens on the baby’s face, which then travels to mum’s lymphatic system. Mum’s body then creates antibodies to fight those pathogens, which the baby receives through breast milk.”

Kissing your baby is actively healthy for both of you!

Kissing your own child, especially if you are breastfeeding, actually helps build their immune system and antibodies. It's something mothers are evolutionarily designed to do

This is really heartbreaking that you don’t kiss your baby! You think she’s not deprived but honestly she is! You don’t have to kiss her on her mouth!!!! But those little teensy kisses on her hands, toes, little ears! Elbows knees! Omg I used to kiss my babies everywhere could never stop!

hiya! I don’t put my mouth to her face at all but of course I’m in very very close proximity. Especially when giving her close hugs and comforting her. We blow raspberries on her belly and pretend to eat her feet etc (which seems silly) but makes her smile. so I guess our mouths are in contact with they areas!

You've never kissed your own baby?
Yeah right, pull the other one.
Wind up.

It's one thing to decide as a teen or an adult that you don't want to be kissed, it is quite another to decide that you don't want to give your baby that physical affection. I think you should get some support for this. What happens in a few months time when she want to give you kisses? What will you do?

I think it's fine to tell cold sore sporting relatives not to kiss for obvious reasons.

How can you not kiss your own sweet little baby?

😆

This was definitely me. I know my DD was sick of me by 9 weeks old 😅

Before the pandemic, I would have argued that it is not normal to not want relatives or other people that are close to you, to kiss your baby. But now, I would argue this isn’t abnormal at all.

But not kissing your own baby? Yeah, that’s not normal imo.

WTF! That is awful and so so sad. You both need help.