Is this normal 😩…

[Breeze03]

I’m a first time mum to DD who is 9 weeks. My partner and I have a strict ‘no kissing her’ rule which everyone has been told and told why…

A few family members have done so regardless. When these specific family members hold her now, I get agitated and internally stressed.

my MIL - who’s prone to getting cold sores - has done so a couple of times and says ‘she just doesn’t think and it was normal when she had kids’.

now because she’s done it a few times, I feel as though she seems to think it’s okay. But now I’m paranoid to have her around the baby.

my own mum has told me this isn’t normal and shouldn’t be affecting how I feel so much…

advice please?

We did mention the no kissing to people whilst so young who are prone to cold sores.
Tbf they didn't need reminded so just say it again.

But please kiss your baby!!

This

Are you breastfeeding? I ask because when you kiss your baby you pick up her germs, your body produces antibodies to them and then you pass them back to her via your breast milk. It's a wonderful way to boost her immune system and essential to her wellbeing.

I echo what PP's have said. It's extremely odd not to kiss your own child. Please speak to your HV about your anxieties. Mine are now both adults and are subjected to at least one kiss every day from me (despite this being entirely unrequited). For me it's a huge part of maternal bonding

You haven’t answered why you don’t kiss her though?

Oh OP, your mum is right - I mean this with kindness, I really do, but you don't sound at all well mentally. You really need to seek some help; this level of anxiety/rigidity is going to be really unhelpful to your baby's development.

You don't kiss your own baby? That would be unusual in my book.
I kissed My granddaughter from the first time I saw her. I would have done if I had a Coldsore.

Send her dozens and dozens of website links advising against it and why. Then next time she does it say "I'm stunned that you are still choosing to ignore my wishes and medical advise. I can't believe you are willing to endanger your grandchild."

Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh but this is all crazy and unhealthy for your child. I can understand not kissing when there's coldsores. But you are taking your own issues and putting them onto your child and that is not fair.

Thanks for your replies. Please don’t anyone doubt my baby is completely spoiled with affection.
and I’m not saying I won’t ever kiss my child but it’s just somebting I’m consciously worried about at this time.
but yous have maybe helped me realise there’s being paranoid and maybe too paranoid.

This makes no sense at all and it’s also really sad.

There’s a difference between not kissing babies on the mouth (I’ve never done it, never will, no one in my family ever has) and not kissing their cheeks or forehead.

You do know that most colds and viruses are also transmitted airborne? Do you all wear FFP2 masks or similar to avoid the smallest bits of saliva reaching your baby? There’s no difference between kissing a baby’s cheek and talking very close to them, when fluids are exiting your mouth. Or do you just stare at her with your mouth clamped shut?

Hiya! I said on a previous post I get tingling patches on my lips but no cold sores etc. don’t know what these are but that unfortunately makes me paranoid at this stage.
we do little Eskimo kisses rubbing my nose of hers, understand it’s not the same. But I have also said it’s not forever.

In answer to the the title - No, it's not normal.

MIL not kissing - absolutely - can pass them on before they're visible so I understand this. I also wasn't too keen on people kissing my LO on the lips when newborn, especially FIL who's lovely but smokes (I had to get DH to just mention it in a passing way when he did it once).

As for me and DH - I cannot imagine us not showering our babies in kisses. I would kiss her squishy little cheeks all day if she didn't need to nap and I didn't have things to do 😂

In the nicest way, I think you may need a little support here OP.

Outside of the issue at hand, I’d also like to warn you that you may have to pick your battles when you ask other people to look after your kids. If you don’t like the way your MIL is around your baby, then MIL doesn’t look after the baby. If you need her to, then (to a certain extent) you have to suck up some of the rules they break.

Hiya! Yeah we’d asked before she done it. It was just a new thing.
No one except DP and my mum has had DD for a few hrs. We thought it would be a good idea especially since when I go back to work she’d be one of the people to help out. But then she kissed her again and my anxiety flared about the whole thing. My point to her was she gets cold sores, wears the same lipstick etc then kisses the baby.

maybe going off the replies I need to chill a bit as she gets older… but the whole cold sore thing still freaks me out. Then would it be unfair to ask 1 person to watch what they’re doing since they get them frequently but not others…

My partner and I have never kissed her. So it’s not only a rule for other family members. If we’re able to not do it, I don’t understand why it’s so hard for someone else.

Blimey, you've never kissed your own baby ???😲

She said she looked it up after we originally said and wouldn’t kiss her. Then done it again and the answer was it can’t be helped.
She was 1 week old when she had an active cold sore, then 3/4 weeks when she kissed her first time. And again recently. I know it’s only when it’s active but I feel as though she wouldn’t own up or think even at the slightest hint of one coming on.
I have a good relationship with her and don’t want this to get in the way…

I just don’t find that anyone really listens to my polite requests for things. Family help us out a lot and I have to let stuff slide. It’s the price you pay to have free help. Luckily I’m not anxious about stuff, it’s just annoying that I have to constantly be pushing healthy food to balance out the crap that everyone else gives out!

Hiya! Thanks for your comment. I probs over think too much (about everything in life lol), I have always been this way pre-baby/ hormones etc.
im thinking maybe I should explain to MIL how I feel about the situation and how it makes me feel, hopefully a bit more insight would maybe her think twice.

My partner and I have never kissed her
😮
That is not normal.

When we were selling our flat one of the viewers was cooing at her, swooped in and kissed her and left a greasy lipstick kiss on her head! I was fuming!
i wouldn’t like relatives kissing her on the lips, especially if they get cold sores. Grandparents kissing on cheeks/ tummies/ head ok though.
i’ve got kissing rights on my baby. She’s one now and frequently chews my nose, licks my face and sneezed in my mouth the other day. I think we have a communal immune system now!

😂😂😂😂😂
I kiss my kids constantly if their head is within kissing distance they are getting kissed 😂

As PP have said, it’s not usual for you and your partner not to kiss your baby.

I can understand why you wouldn’t want someone prone to cold sores kissing her on/around the lips. But more generally this is why proper childcare is important- you can’t simultaneously rely on family AND insist they follow your rules. They’re doing you a favour and you have a trade off to make. It’s not the same as a nursery/childminder/nanny where you have agreed standards….

Also in a childcare setting there's an awful lot of kissing/snot sharing between children. Whilst you may be able to mandate what adults do or rather don't do around your DC unfortunately fellow toddlers do not follow suit. If DC grows up without this interaction they may find this extremely upsetting