Is this normal 😩…

[Breeze03]

I’m a first time mum to DD who is 9 weeks. My partner and I have a strict ‘no kissing her’ rule which everyone has been told and told why…

A few family members have done so regardless. When these specific family members hold her now, I get agitated and internally stressed.

my MIL - who’s prone to getting cold sores - has done so a couple of times and says ‘she just doesn’t think and it was normal when she had kids’.

now because she’s done it a few times, I feel as though she seems to think it’s okay. But now I’m paranoid to have her around the baby.

my own mum has told me this isn’t normal and shouldn’t be affecting how I feel so much…

advice please?

What other rules do you have? I'm trying not to imagine rubber gloves and masks. Your poor baby.

@Breeze03 I completely understand and agree regarding your mil. Of course people with cold sores shouldn't be kissing babies. I get them and I wouldn't dare kiss my babies when I had one. Luckily anyone else in the family who gets one is of the same mindset. But what I just don't get is how you as parents haven't wanted to just kiss her to bits, because that's just normal, spontaneous affection. That's the bit that bothers me.

And many, many of us have been first time mothers with all the usual fears and concerns, so it's not like we're just taking about things we haven't experienced!

@Pluvia nasty and unnecessary comment - do better pal.

I cannot understand you!

One of the first things you do, cuddling your newborn is to kiss their head - surely?

Why on earth haven't you? You can't keep your baby sterile - it will cause more harm than good,

(MiL and cold sores, separate issue. Although I thought only a problem when they actually have one)

It would also never have crossed my DCs; minds to stop me kissing my grandchildren (although cheeks/head, nowhere else- well, feet!)

I have stated I do definitely want too kiss her. If I didn’t want too, I’d certainly be questioning if something was wrong with myself and don’t doubt once she’s a little bigger I will do so and make up for those lost ones.

Regarding those who have kissed her - I will defo need to forget and act as though it never happened. Except MIL who I personally don’t think should and I’ll probably speak to explaining how I feel a bit better rather than get worked up!
:)

I only ever kissed my babies on the head including the forehead if I thought they had a fever.They had lots of love and cuddles and have grown up to be responsible, loving adults. My mother only ever kissed her grandchildren on the head, She suffered from cold sores all her life and said someone with a cold sore kissed her as a baby/child and she would never pass the virus on to someone else. Op your child your rules. Everyone should do what they think is right for their child. You are being a responsible loving mum if your MIL can't see that and agree to your terms she should not be left alone with the child!

You never get the lost ones back OP, kiss your bloody child!

I know you're a bit upset about some of the replies you've had, OP but in my nearly 70 years on this planet I have never heard or come across parents who don't kiss their own babies.

And even stopping GPs and other family kissing them is pretty new to me.

Ignoring the herpes virus situation this absolutely isn't 'Normal' anxiety

I’d massively disagree about it being psychosomatic considering it’s something I’ve had for the last 7 yrs.
of course we have instinctual affection, we have just been cautious to not place our lips anywhere on our child’s face / hands / arm.

thanks :).

I have stated I do definitely want too kiss her. If I didn’t want too, I’d certainly be questioning if something was wrong with myself and don’t doubt once she’s a little bigger I will do so and make up for those lost ones.

I'm just not getting it. Do you think something bad will happen if you kiss her head?

OP - do it now. Kissing a tiny baby (and she isn't really tiny now) is the best thing ever.

And surely, you're fighting against normal instincts?

hmmm. Except one… Not to ask MN for advice on a specific matter now 🤣

thanks.

I can't get my head around being handed your baby for the very first time and just... looking at it. It must be fighting every urge natural.

I echo what a PP says, in that we appreciate you're a first time mother but we all were too and we all faced the same issues but your worry and reaction is entirely abnormal and I'm glad you came to ask and have now found that out and can rectify it. I hope your Dr or HV can help but be warned they may be as shocked as the reactions you've had here. Honestly is important though.

I cannot imagine not kissing my own baby. Never heard anything like it. What a weird thread.

Please ignore everyone who think they know better than you. If you don't want people kissing your tiny baby stick to your guns. It's a choice, the baby is none the wiser as I'm sure she gets plenty of attention and affection. Re cold sores the infection can be present before the sore appears so i would have a permanent ban on kissing face with people who get cold sores.

Kissing my babies beautiful tiny lips is one of the things I absolutely loved about having a baby!! You and your baby are missing out. I dont know how you can resist!!

The shock is at the fact THE OP (and her DH) don't kiss the baby either!!

I know you dismissed the pp who suggested the tingling could be psychosomatic, but I can't quite understand why , if you don't actually get cold sores , you would connect it to cold sores and therefore be a problem for you.
If it's due to anxiety, which I can totally relate to, are you worried that this sensation could be the start of a cold sore, and that you wouldn't recognise it because it would be the first one, and therefore mistake it for the tingling feeling you've been used to getting, and unaware pass it to your child?
If so it's the kind of twisted thought process that I can completely understand but the kind that I've had to work hard to control over the years

I think you’ll find everyone agreed with OP on this point. It was the fact SHE doesn’t kiss her OWN baby that posters have a problem with.

Most posters have agreed with OP about other people kissing her baby, particularly re. cold sores. It's the not kissing her own baby that people are agog at. It's literally the first thing I did when my newborns were handed to me! The most natural instinct.

I’ve had this for years and although I’ve never had a coldsore, I would occasionally get a lump on my lip. I have no clue why I get it, it’s random but I could say it correlates with being run down slightly… I had it a lot over the first few weeks DD was born. So yeah I suppose this worries me in case it is related to a coldsore. I even bought coldsore cream before she was born because it was so bad I honestly thought it was one! This was pre- anything related to kissing her etc of course.
and in relation to kissing her myself. I just felt anxious about doing so while she was so little. If for instance she got one or something resembling one I’d myself. However once she’s bigger and her immune system is stronger, I will of course give her kisses but not at any point it I’ve got the ‘tingling’ sensation.

I’m not against kissing her though, I’ve stated that I will. Just not at this stage. And surely it’s not a problem when she receives endless love and affection. If I posted saying I will never kiss my child because of germs or cold sores or whatever else then I’d see the need for some peoples comments. But I haven’t once said that.
People suggesting I need medical and psychological intervention is taking the piss a bit.

Have you ever heard of anyone ever not kissing their newborn?

That's the bit none of us can get our heads around.

We're not taking the piss. We're telling you that it really isn't a usual normal reaction

OP, like someone else said, I am prone to coldsores, and have three healthy children. Of course when I have one, I haven't kissed them on their mouth, but that is it really. You might have developed an unhealthy level of overall anxiety. You shouldn't deprive your baby of kisses especially from yourself and your dh. Especially now, in the very early stages your baby needs physical contact. Non-physical contact causes developmental problems that are hidden, unseen, and is generally more dangerous than catching a bit of germs. Please research attachment theory, and what lack of psychical contact can do to a child. Search about Romanian orphanages. didn't read all your posts carefully, so hopefully you are cuddling her - it is as important as feeding.

Do you breastfeed? If so, than you can reassure yourself that you absolutely have nothing to worry about kissing her, you are in physical contact already!!!

I’m not against kissing her though, I’ve stated that I will. Just not at this stage.

And I've asked you what you think will happen if you were to kiss her head. And you haven't responded to that.