Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Should she have said goodbye to my kids?

242 replies

PinkAndViolet · 15/04/2022 22:08

Met a new friend about 10 months ago. My kids really liked her too and because of this they got quite close as we spent a lot of time all together.
The kids started playing up a bit when alone with her so she reported. DH didn't really believe this was the case as didn't seem in character with the children, we had a bust up etc. I can see it upset DH and always want to defend him as my husband so that was that.
Unfortunately the kids got really upset when they found out what had happened and the realisation that she won't ever see them again. I can't help but think she should have said goodbye to them. It's been a few months now and they still get upset when talking about her. I know they will get over it soon but do you think that when adults fall out, they should be mature enough to put the kids first?

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 15/04/2022 22:10

So you have had a friend for just under a year. She looked after kids, found them hard work. And you have feel out? Why did you fall out?

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 15/04/2022 22:12

Because she told my DH they were not behaving well for her, he disputed that and it all blew up. She said she didn't feel we trusted her and that was the end of the friendship in her eyes.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 15/04/2022 22:12

Did you post before about this op? That your husband didn't believe they misbehaved and then friend messaged saying she was hurt that your DH accused her of lying about your children's behaviour when she was looking after them?

If you're the same poster, you really need to let this go. The friendship is over and there is no need for her to "say goodbye" to your children, it's very over dramatic.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
GrazingSheep · 15/04/2022 22:13

You and she had a bust up
She was perfectly right to walk away
Your children being upset is your issue to deal with

ReadyToMoveIt · 15/04/2022 22:14

I think it’s quite odd for a friend of only 10 months to be regularly left alone with your kids.
I remember your last post too. I think you just need to let it go.

GrazingSheep · 15/04/2022 22:14

And yes, this was posted a few weeks back
If you are the same poster you need to leave it in the past now

TweetTweetMF · 15/04/2022 22:14

You really need to let it go. I remember your original post. It's been a few months, obsessing over it isn't going to help you.

If your that upset - apologise.

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 15/04/2022 22:14

Yes I did.
They were very close and I just wish she had put aside the fall out and thought about the kids who she once cared very much about.

OP posts:
Alwayspaintyournails · 15/04/2022 22:15

You sound terribly misguided… it upset your husband so that’s it? Do you have your own opinion?
Why on earth would this friend put herself out for you again? If the kids played up she owes you all nothing.

GrazingSheep · 15/04/2022 22:15

Why should she?

ladydimitrescu · 15/04/2022 22:15

To say if you have a problem with my husband, you have a problem with me? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4515784-To-say-if-you-have-a-problem-with-my-husband-you-have-a-problem-with-me

A link to op's original post for anyone who didn't see it - there's also another thread on this, about seeing her on a bench? Honestly op, let it go.

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 15/04/2022 22:16

As I said, the kids are still upset and don't understand why they can't see her. There was no ending for them.

OP posts:
Alwayspaintyournails · 15/04/2022 22:17

Be honest… they were poorly behaved and your husband lost his temper… you took his side. That’s why.

ReadyToMoveIt · 15/04/2022 22:18

How old are the kids?

ladydimitrescu · 15/04/2022 22:18

@PinkAndViolet

As I said, the kids are still upset and don't understand why they can't see her. There was no ending for them.
So you need to explain to them that sometimes people drift apart. It's part of parenting. It wouldn't have helped for your friend to give an over dramatic goodbye, it would have upset them further. It's down to you to handle the situation.
HelloDulling · 15/04/2022 22:19

You think the woman who you think told lies about your children’s behaviour should come over and spend some more time with them?

LIZS · 15/04/2022 22:19

Why is it up to her to make amends ? How old are the dc ? Surely you can deflect any enquiries about her. Going through some sort of farewell ritual is unnecessary and frankly weird. People will come and go in their lives.

audweb · 15/04/2022 22:19

@PinkAndViolet

As I said, the kids are still upset and don't understand why they can't see her. There was no ending for them.
But that’s on your DH not her. Find a way to explain you’re not friends and that’s ok, things don’t always work out. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.
GrazingSheep · 15/04/2022 22:19

How much involvement did she have with your children if you only met her 10 months ago??

LosingTheWill2022 · 15/04/2022 22:19

@PinkAndViolet

Yes I did. They were very close and I just wish she had put aside the fall out and thought about the kids who she once cared very much about.
That sounds like you are talking about a family friend your children had known since birth - not 10 months Confused

If there was a massive blow up how could she have come to say "goodbye"? And why would you expect her to.

It all sounds incredibly dramatic and intense forwhat I would consider a new friendship

ReadyToMoveIt · 15/04/2022 22:20

Do you think your children behaved in the way she said? Have you spoken to your children about it?

Theunamedcat · 15/04/2022 22:22

@PinkAndViolet

As I said, the kids are still upset and don't understand why they can't see her. There was no ending for them.
You need to explain it to them
thebabynanny · 15/04/2022 22:22

If I babysat for a friend and then they accused me of lying about the children’s bad behaviour, I wouldn’t be rushing over to “say good bye” to the kids.

Bushkin · 15/04/2022 22:25

You and your DH caused this, you deal with the fall out

ChicCroissant · 15/04/2022 22:26

It sounds like a very intense friendship, which finished as quickly as it started.

It's really not a good idea to say goodbye to children in the way that you propose, OP. It would be very distressing for them, they wouldn't understand. 10 months isn't a very long time for a friendship - it's really short.