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Original poster

Should she have said goodbye to my kids?

242 replies

PinkAndViolet · 15/04/2022 22:08

Met a new friend about 10 months ago. My kids really liked her too and because of this they got quite close as we spent a lot of time all together.
The kids started playing up a bit when alone with her so she reported. DH didn't really believe this was the case as didn't seem in character with the children, we had a bust up etc. I can see it upset DH and always want to defend him as my husband so that was that.
Unfortunately the kids got really upset when they found out what had happened and the realisation that she won't ever see them again. I can't help but think she should have said goodbye to them. It's been a few months now and they still get upset when talking about her. I know they will get over it soon but do you think that when adults fall out, they should be mature enough to put the kids first?

OP posts:
cantbecoping · 15/04/2022 23:05

Absolutely batshit

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 15/04/2022 23:15

It’s weird that you keep posting about this but slightly altering what you’re upset about. You sound a bit unhinged about it and have a ridiculous expectation of other people’s obligation to your children. Just tell them the truth yourself and then move on.

BluKorner · 15/04/2022 23:16

I remember your last thread. You were very much of the opinion of you must stand by your husband, even though your husband was rude to her after she did you guys a favour and watched your kids.

Leave her alone. She’s better off without you.

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BungleandGeorge · 15/04/2022 23:21

If you really believe that she was lying you made an enormous error letting her be around your children and it’s best that they don’t see her again.
If your kids were in fact rude to her why would she want more contact with them?
Your children really shouldn’t be that devastated by not seeing a friend of less than a year again. Maybe just schedule in some extra visits with family/ other friends

FrecklesMalone · 15/04/2022 23:21

Honestly I think you might be slightly unwell. I mean this nicely as someone who also gets unwell. As someone you trust if you are seeming ok.

Lochjeda · 15/04/2022 23:23

She doesn't owe you or your children anything after she looked after them and they were cheeky and rude then your husband didn't believe her when she said then you didn't help resolve things when she messaged. Its you that owes her an apology and thanks for looking after your children so much.

doublemonkey · 15/04/2022 23:30

@PinkAndViolet

As I said, the kids are still upset and don't understand why they can't see her. There was no ending for them.
Why don't you tell them the reason why?
Sittingonabench · 15/04/2022 23:32

No she doesn’t owe your kids an ending - she also shouldn’t put your kids first, she has her own life to lead. She may well care about your children but your friendship has ended (which I recall from the previous thread was due to you being upset that she told you she was unhappy with your DH response when told about DC’s behaviour). It sounds like you regret the friendship ending but you played a part in that, and you have unrealistic expectations on how people should view your children (they are not the centre of other peoples world)

PeekabooAtheZoo · 15/04/2022 23:37

I was supportive on your previous thread but this? Nope. YABU.

Sunnytwobridges · 15/04/2022 23:42

@thebabynanny

If I babysat for a friend and then they accused me of lying about the children’s bad behaviour, I wouldn’t be rushing over to “say good bye” to the kids.
This.

Such a weird post.

Moodycow78 · 15/04/2022 23:45

Are you still obsessing about this, you all barely knew her, it was less than a year and you weren't as close as you thought. You all sound a bit high maintenance Tbh she probably thought a clean break was best 🙄

Cornishclio · 15/04/2022 23:46

If I was your ex friend and had been doing you a favour by looking after your kids and then accused of lying about their poor behaviour by you and your DH I wouldn't want to see you or your kids again either. Tell your kids why you fell out and you might find out there was a shred of truth in what she was saying. If not and she really was lying why would you want them to spend time with her anyway?I am sure they will soon get over it.

Regularsizedrudy · 15/04/2022 23:50

Do you fancy this woman or something? I find it very hard to believe your kids would give a shit about this.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 15/04/2022 23:51

@PinkAndViolet

I just think a card or note would have helped. The kids always denied the behaviour so I feel there were just different expectations on each of our sides. They spent a lot of time with her even if only known her for 10 months. As a family we all did and individually they did.
Are you the women whose husband was rude on pick to your friend who was doings you a favour up when she said your children were rude? Jesus it sounds like your friend had a lucky escape.
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 23:53

*Did you post before about this op? That your husband didn't believe they misbehaved and then friend messaged saying she was hurt that your DH accused her of lying about your children's behaviour when she was looking after them?

If you're the same poster, you really need to let this go. The friendship is over and there is no need for her to "say goodbye" to your children, it's very over dramatic.*

I was going to ask the same thing. The post where the friend looked after your kids and said they were misbehaving but your husband didn’t believe her or something. And then she said something to you and you were upset that she complained about your DH to you or something along those lines. As this postsr has said, just let it go. Not sure why it’s being dragged out for this long. Sometimes people fall out, there isn’t always time to say something to the kids

Clymene · 15/04/2022 23:53

Why is your whole family obsessed with this poor woman?

Tell your children that you, your husband and them have been so rude and badly behaved and she doesn't want to see you any more. It's the truth.

Azizai · 15/04/2022 23:57

You seem to be obsessed with this woman, sounds to me like she had a lucky escape.

Gingerkittykat · 16/04/2022 00:17

How old are your children?

If they are young enough to need a regular babysitter then they are too young for an adult to be contacting them without the parent's permission to say bye. They are also too young to have an independent relationship/ friendship with her.

Look at it from her POV, she was doing you a favour by babysitting regularly and then she didn't get any back up when your kids misbehaved and was also pretty much accused of being a liar. It would be pretty weird if she talked to your kids in these circumstances.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/04/2022 00:31

"It's been a few months now and they still get upset when talking about her."

I'll be blunt. Their upset is most likely down to you. You've started three threads now about this, and you just keep going over the same ground, unwilling to accept that you and your husband could possibly be in the wrong. If you're like this online, god only knows what you're like in real life, but I suspect your demeanour and general obsessing about this has created something of an atmosphere that your children have picked up on.

Get over yourself and allow the children to get over you and your husband driving your friend away. Better still, try and instil a bit of emotional resilience - for yourself first and then for your children.

SD1978 · 16/04/2022 00:35

From your previous post- this was all on you and your husband, the friend owes you nothing. The kids were playing up and he chose to blow up, and you supported them. Your ex friend owes your kids nothing. May he explain that dad went off at her, and that's why they don't see her- because their dads behaviour was unacceptable, and the friendship is therefore done

BadNomad · 16/04/2022 00:48

That isn't a thing. She owes none of you anything. If your kids don't understand why she's gone then it's on you and DH to tell them.

"Betty doesn't want to be our friend anymore because I let daddy call her a liar."

EggAndHasBeans · 16/04/2022 04:23

No, she shouldn't contact your young kids without without going through one of the parents and she wants naff all to do with either of the parents for very good reasons.

froidIci · 16/04/2022 04:33

Absolutely mad OP. Batshit.

SquirrelG · 16/04/2022 04:43

You need to let this go and move on. Your kids will get over it, and no I don't think she should have said goodbye to the kids - and it's up to you to deal with it.

SquirrelG · 16/04/2022 04:45

@WhereYouLeftIt - great post, all the things I was thinking but didn't say!