Should she have said goodbye to my kids?

[PinkAndViolet]

Met a new friend about 10 months ago. My kids really liked her too and because of this they got quite close as we spent a lot of time all together.
The kids started playing up a bit when alone with her so she reported. DH didn't really believe this was the case as didn't seem in character with the children, we had a bust up etc. I can see it upset DH and always want to defend him as my husband so that was that.
Unfortunately the kids got really upset when they found out what had happened and the realisation that she won't ever see them again. I can't help but think she should have said goodbye to them. It's been a few months now and they still get upset when talking about her. I know they will get over it soon but do you think that when adults fall out, they should be mature enough to put the kids first?

Don’t leave your kids with a virtual stranger again.
Consider therapy, it’s not ok to obsess over someone.

Regarding your comment about there being no ending...

Is this something that you struggle with yourself? What are your boundaries and attachments to people like? Do you attach yourself to people very easily and quickly? Because if you do I think it's more you that's upset by your friend walking away and your kids are most likely picking up on this.
The only guaranteed ending in life we get is death, other times there may be some type of closure but mostly there won't be. No one is obligated to stay in our lives permanently and it's selfish to expect otherwise. Some are in our lives for a short time, some for a long time and some there should never be a time. Learning to let go of people and situations is a valuable life experience that your kids would do well to learn and by the sounds of it so could you.

@PinkAndViolet

As I said, the kids are still upset and don't understand why they can't see her. There was no ending for them.

Tell them the truth.

Sound like you and DH are CF who used your new friend as childcare and are pissed off she isnt continuing following your fall out. Which in short was your DH suggesting she is a liar and your DC didnt behave the way she suggested. She isnt your hired help, you and your DH can explain why they dont see this person anymore someone you have decided had a special bond with your DC...wishful thinking...she is likely on here asking for help how to stop looking after some new mates kids

I think I remember your other thread and tbh I thought you were being unreasonable then, so obviously you're still unreasonable now.

You should have both apologised for your kids being hard work instead of saying "no they weren't" and you were weird about defending your husband. Nobody has to put your kids first but you, expecting a note from her when you've already messed her around is odd.

Maybe in you and your husband had valued her friendship enough to believe her then she wouldn't have walked away.

Move on. Your kids behaved badly. Instead of accepting that, your husband called her a liar. You were cross she raised it with you. Now you think she's also wrong because she should have thrown your kids a goodbye party or something

Learn from this.

Kids play up.

It's not an attack on you or them to say so.

Don't get mardy.

Dear Op apparently this is your third thread about this broken friendship.
You need to carry your own emotional responsibility which in the first place you didn't. Your friend owes you nothing as she explained to you why she was breaking it off before she did. She was mature enough not to just cut off.

Please move on and learn from this for future friendship.

If you care this much surely you would have apologised by now? You sound entitled and quite hard work.

Was this lady a nanny for the kids ? I don't get it. Did she have them at her house or just babysit. It's a bit weird, how is she you and your husbands friend if you're not there with her ?
Or was this a 3 way relationship ?

@PinkAndViolet - most kids will deny the behaviour (lie) because they don’t want to admit that they were wrong and misbehaved.

Different expectations of what behaviour exactly?! I can’t even recall if she looked after your kids with hers or just by herself?

Either way generally when an adult minds a child for it’s parents the child obeys the adult, goes to bed, doesn’t fight etc. Most reasonable adults will discuss with the parents the expectations but even if they’re not in place generally the adults should have the final say. Because they’re adults. And because children are children.

You still seem, as a parent, totally unable to accept that your little darlings did anything wrong. You’re the parent who other people silently judge when you let your child misbehave eg in a restaurant where we are eating too.

I honestly wonder why you posted this again, the woman won’t want to be anywhere near you or your kids again and will be very pleased she only had a 10 month relationship with you all and that she now doesn’t have one. Please just leave her alone now and stop obsessing about her as it’s sounding a bit creepy to be honest. Buy a parenting book and read it.

@notsureaboutTAAT - I think if I recall correctly it was a parent or adult with or without kids who minded OP’s kids.

OP’s kids misbehaved and her DH didn’t like the fact that the caregiver (woman minding them) criticised them to him and told OP who I think kicked off.

But no, nothing more to this.

Woman who cared for kids has obviously thought it best to end the short friendship with this dysfunctional family and now for some reason OP’s kids are missing the woman (and her kids if she has any) and want to see her again so they can cause her more grief. Say goodbye is very dramatic and would probably be OP’s kids crying and being dramatic about it! I thought Oscar season was over?!

This is ridiculous... stop the drama, accept that your ex-friend didn't enjoy the childminding...for whatever reason ( your DC's behaviour, not wanting to mind your kids...whatever). Why would she say 'Goodbye' after your husband turned on her....& why would she owe anyone in your family any duty to put your kids first ahead of herself? That is yours & your husband's job. Tell your kids the truth incl your husband's behaviour & get over it. She was quite right to step away.

I would pay money to hear the friend's side

@notsureaboutTAAT

Was this lady a nanny for the kids ? I don't get it. Did she have them at her house or just babysit. It's a bit weird, how is she you and your husbands friend if you're not there with her ? Or was this a 3 way relationship ?

@notsureaboutTAAT

This lady was minding op's kids. The kids played up and this lady told op's dh about it when he picked them up and he got defensive and upset and basically called this lady a liar. Lady then texts op to tell her what has happened and op gets upset at this lady 'putting her in the middle' of the argument between lady and dh. Lady then wisely decides to cut contact and this has floored op.

I’ve read OP’s previous posts and unless I’m wrong it seems this woman is older (50?) divorced, may be starting a new relationship and possibly no kids.

If it is her, if OP has had issues with the woman, I’d cut her some slack, if same woman.

OP are YOU obsessed with this woman? You keep posting about her.

Let It Go.

Is this the friend that your DH saw crying and you classed as 'coming back into your lives' even though he ignored her?
Tbh, you and your DH sound like a pair of self centred hugely lacking in self awareness muppets.
Leave the woman alone and stop obsessing.