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Original poster

Should she have said goodbye to my kids?

242 replies

PinkAndViolet · 15/04/2022 22:08

Met a new friend about 10 months ago. My kids really liked her too and because of this they got quite close as we spent a lot of time all together.
The kids started playing up a bit when alone with her so she reported. DH didn't really believe this was the case as didn't seem in character with the children, we had a bust up etc. I can see it upset DH and always want to defend him as my husband so that was that.
Unfortunately the kids got really upset when they found out what had happened and the realisation that she won't ever see them again. I can't help but think she should have said goodbye to them. It's been a few months now and they still get upset when talking about her. I know they will get over it soon but do you think that when adults fall out, they should be mature enough to put the kids first?

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 15/04/2022 22:27

You had a bust up with her. You accused her of lying. Why would she ever want to meet any of you ever again?

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 15/04/2022 22:28

I just think a card or note would have helped. The kids always denied the behaviour so I feel there were just different expectations on each of our sides.
They spent a lot of time with her even if only known her for 10 months. As a family we all did and individually they did.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/04/2022 22:28

Dear god.

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Bushkin · 15/04/2022 22:30

A card saying what? ‘Sorry you won’t see me again- your parents are batshit’ Confused

ReadyToMoveIt · 15/04/2022 22:30

@PinkAndViolet

I just think a card or note would have helped. The kids always denied the behaviour so I feel there were just different expectations on each of our sides. They spent a lot of time with her even if only known her for 10 months. As a family we all did and individually they did.
A card or not saying… what? ‘I’m sorry I won’t be saying you again, your behaviour was poor and your parents accused me of lying about it so we can’t be friends anymore’?
CareBearsCare · 15/04/2022 22:30

Think about it from her point of view. She thought your h would say "Thank you for looking after the kids, I will have a word with them about their behaviour" but was accused of lying. Why would he use a baby sitter that he didn't trust?

Did you ask your kids about their behaviour that day ?

ReadyToMoveIt · 15/04/2022 22:30

*seeing

GrazingSheep · 15/04/2022 22:30

Forge a card from her🙄

CareBearsCare · 15/04/2022 22:31

X-post

You mean you sending her a card right?

rattlemehearties · 15/04/2022 22:31

What a great opportunity for you to talk about this as a parent and grown-up with your own children, OP. Explain to them that life happens! This is your problem to solve with parenting, no need to drag her into it.

rattlemehearties · 15/04/2022 22:32

I assume you have no other friends if this is the drama you subject them to? That's unfortunate for your children.

britneyisfree · 15/04/2022 22:33

Not sure why you'd be leaving your kids and letting them become so attached to someone you barely know!

You made your choice she made hers.

Pixiedust1234 · 15/04/2022 22:33

They are your children. You fell out with the friend. You explain to the children that you and their father are idiots to have upset the friend so much they had to stop being a friend. This has been entirely of your own making. If you really can't let go (after three threads) then maybe you need to seek out therapy.

britneyisfree · 15/04/2022 22:34

@GrazingSheep

Forge a card from her🙄
Yeah this. If it means that much just do that
MzHz · 15/04/2022 22:34

Wow.. the delusion is strong with this one…

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 22:38

@Pixiedust1234

They are your children. You fell out with the friend. You explain to the children that you and their father are idiots to have upset the friend so much they had to stop being a friend. This has been entirely of your own making. If you really can't let go (after three threads) then maybe you need to seek out therapy.
Precisely,

This is seriously bizarre.

saraclara · 15/04/2022 22:39

You and your DH caused this problem. He didn't believe her, you both fell out with her, but you're focusing on her not saying goodbye to them instead of your own behaviour?

Can you even imagine what it would be like for her to be anywhere near you two again?

Take responsibility and tell your children the truth. You and your DH were rude to her and called her a liar, so she doesn't want to see you any more.

CorvusPurpureus · 15/04/2022 22:40

But if I were her, I'd just be thinking:

'I made a new friend & thought our small dc would enjoy hanging out together, oh dear, turns out I don't get on all that well with OP &/or her dp. Better fade this one out, cba'

I could absolutely not tell you who I hung out with via toddler classes or whatever 15 years ago.

Honestly, what you have here is your basic situational friendship. It's not worth the angst, it really isn't!

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 22:50

I’ve just realised you are the poster hitching about your friend who married a widower on another thread.

I really think you need to look up the definition of friend.

cstx89 · 15/04/2022 22:50

This is weird! Hmm

User0610134049 · 15/04/2022 22:50

This sounds a bit odd
I find it weird that the friendship sounds like it was so intense that your children are still upset now

Gazelda · 15/04/2022 22:52

Friendships ending for whatever reason is a good lesson in resilience.

"Kids, Liz and I aren't friends any more. We fell out which is a shame but sometimes happens. So we won't be seeing her again. But didn't we have fun when we had a picnic with her, or went to the circus or whatever? We must make sure that we get together with other friends and behave nicely so that we can have some more fun. I'll give some a call and arrange a trip to the park."

Beautiful3 · 15/04/2022 23:00

If you thought she was telling lies about your children, you wouldn't want her around your children, would you?! I think your kids did misbehave because all children have done so. You should have had a word with the kids. Not argued with her and accuse her of lying! If you want this friendship back then you need to apologise to her. But to suggest that she returns to say goodbye, when you've treated her so badly, is crazy.

2bazookas · 15/04/2022 23:01

@PinkAndViolet

As I said, the kids are still upset and don't understand why they can't see her. There was no ending for them.
They only knew her a few months, hard to believe they formed a very close attachment to her. The fact they were rude or cheeky or disobedient suggests they didn't much like spending time alone with her.

Tell them she didn't like their behaviour and that's why she doesn't see you any more.

Hertsgirl10 · 15/04/2022 23:04

You and you DP are in the wrong here and why leave your kids with someone you’ve known for 5 minutes.