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Parenting

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Original poster

Completely humiliated by my toddler, I'm in bits

446 replies

parentingsucks · 15/04/2022 20:41

My toddler has a horrible temper and throws some epic tantrums, usual two year old behaviour I had always thought until the last few weeks where it's been getting worse. He's started being violent, hitting, biting during tantrums and screaming at us a lot. It's been a tough couple of weeks and today has just sent me over the edge. I'm trying to get away from him and calm down and I'm in the bath trying to relax and I can hear him screaming at my husband and I just want to cry.

We live in a small village on a new estate full of young families. Everyone is very friendly and greets each other by name. There isn't any anonymity. He was having an epic tantrum today as we were walking around the estate, sat down screaming trying to run into the road. I picked him up and started to carry him home and he grabbed both of his hands on to my hair and pulled as hard as he could. I could feel him ripping it out and I was panicking I put him down and tried to peel his hands off and he just pulled harder, I leant him back on to the grass desperately trying to get him off and he just pulled harder and sank his teeth into my cheek so hard it broke the skin on three places. I screamed, people who were outside came running over trying to help, I was crying hysterically, he was screaming shut up everybody, I was just crying harder as heard him he was so rude to so many people.

I got home and got away from him. I don't want to be around him at all he has upset me so much. I'm so shocked by what he did. I'm so mortified so many people saw. I'm so gutted that he is capable of behaving like this, I'm just devastated. I'm in tears again now writing what has happened. It just isn't normal, is it? What the fuck have I done wrong? He's two. I know he's tiny. I try and not get upset at him but I am so hurt by this. So, so hurt.

OP posts:

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Original poster

parentingsucks · 15/04/2022 20:43

I know I shouldn't of screamed and cried in front of him it was just the shock, pain and knowing how many people were around I just didn't feel in control at all

OP posts:

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/04/2022 20:48

That sounds awful. I can't think of anything helpful to say right now but you definitely deserve a bit of a break. Maybe you should have a word with your GP or HV.

Potatomashed · 15/04/2022 20:48

No advice but didn’t want to read and leave. Parenting is really tough. Every other parent knows that so don’t feel too bothered about what they think, just focus on doing the best for your own family. Sending hugs

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Etinoxaurus · 15/04/2022 20:54

Screaming and crying in reaction to pain is completely ok.

Okeydoky · 15/04/2022 20:56

Gosh I'm sorry you've had such a horrible time lately. I agree, definitely worth a chat with your health visitor and your GP.

If it makes you feel any better at two the bit of the brain that deals with empathy isn't fully developed so they aren't capable of really understanding that they are causing you pain and upset. So whilst it feels awful and like he did it on purpose, really he doesn't yet have the neurological function to properly understand.

The one thing I've found that has helped me reduce toddler tantrums is the book "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen". It's helped me massively. It might be worth checking out.

Lobworm · 15/04/2022 20:56

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, you just need some new strategies. Your poor face, I don’t blame you for crying. Let DH deal with him for now & try to relax (headphones?)
I would text DH with suggestions of music, or a story to listen to, or put him in the car & drive about until he goes to sleep.
Two is still young enough to not really understand that biting hurts. I would look at ways to minimise harm to you in these situations (we had reins that had a sort of harness with a handle on the back for sports etc.I may have carried mine like a bag once or twice. They quite enjoyed it.)
I’d have a look at his sleep, exercise and food.

veggiemonster · 15/04/2022 20:57

To be honest it sounds as if you’ve handled the situation amazingly and I’m not sure there was anything you could’ve done differently. If someone of any age was pulling my hair out I’d probably be screaming too.

I agree that talking to the HV or GP might be useful.

You poor thing my thoughts are with you this sounds so hard xx

musicalfrog · 15/04/2022 20:59

Sounds like a natural reaction from you. I'm sure people around felt sympathy and concern for you. I agree a call to the HV to discuss his behaviour, you haven't done anything wrong but parenting is bloody hard and a few pointers from a professional won't hurt.

SuperSleepyBaby · 15/04/2022 21:00

That sounds stressful but don’t over worry and read too much in to it. I was attacked by my kids on occasion when they were in the middle of tantrums at age 2 - head butted - pinched - bitten! They are all reasonably well adjusted now

Mischance · 15/04/2022 21:02

So hard - but please remember that most of the population have had a 2 year old at some time or other and know how they can be.

He is maybe a bit OTT even for a 2 year old - actually breaking your skin and pulling out your hair is a bit near the edge. A chat with the HV might help - worth a try - I can see that it feels as if you want to walk away from him. Is he any different with his Dad.

Maybe one of those rucksacks that also function as reins when you take him out, as clearly you need to be able to keep him safe from the road but cannot have this sort of reaction.

I am sending you lots of good wishes.

BundtCake · 15/04/2022 21:04

You poor thing. I'm sure nobody was judging you probably just wanted to help. I completely understand why you feel so hurt and embarrassed though.

naomi81 · 15/04/2022 21:04

Oh no, that sounds terrible, I would defo ring hv and research some distraction techniques. Mine is turning 3 and half and the tantrums are getting harder to manage. It's so hard, so DH gives you a nice long break 💐 and explains to DS that this behaviour is not on. Is he at nursery yet? Xx

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 15/04/2022 21:04

First off, are you ok?

Has the skin on your scalp broken from the pulling?
And how badly bitten is your cheek? Do you need to have that seen?

I think it is important you take some time for yourself. Is there anyone else who can watch him? So you can have a decent break and just some time to be a bit upset?

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2022 21:06

Aw, so sorry. Our now 27 year old is the most fantastic person but was a bloody demon at 2 (3, 4, etc.)

Pleased to read in your post that it seems your husband is sharing the load. Trite, I know, but it will get better and most people honestly don’t form an opinion of you because of your toddler’s mega tantrums because lots of perfectly nice people have been there. 💐

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 21:06

I think you handled it as well as you could have.

It sounds very challenging. It may well pass but I’d talk to your GP and see if you can get some support to develop some tactics to manage him.

Harpydragon · 15/04/2022 21:07

Screaming in pain is a completely natural reaction and to be honest your son needs to know that boring hurts.

My son was a bitter despite everything that we did to stop him, the only thing that hurt was when another child boy him back. Hard. He then realised how much it hurt and stopped, same thing with hair pulling.

It is a phase and he will grow out of it. I'm sure you have probably tried it, but just in case you haven't have you tried ignoring him when he has a tantrum? As long as he is safe, just stand over him and ignore him, don't talk to him, you can't reason with a 2 year old, don't leave him on his own but completely ignore him. Once he stops, then engage with him, it shouldn't take long for him to realise that stopping doesn't get him anything, not even bad attention!

A lot of tantrums tend to happen because your 2 year old cannot communicate effectively with you, have you tried some simple signing with him? It will help his vocabulary along, but more importantly should allow some better communication when he's having those big feelings.

FinnRussell · 15/04/2022 21:09

That sounds really hard and you did nothing wrong in the way you handled it. I hope you're ok. I agree you should speak to your HV, and be honest with them, they've heard it all before. Until then, go easy on yourself and your wee one. Firm boundaries and lots of positive reinforcement. Good luck.

daisychainsandrainbows · 15/04/2022 21:10

That sounds horrible

Is he a young two or two going on three? How is his communication and general development? Can you identify anything in particular that is setting him off like this? Is he hungry or tired?

Brunosaiditlookslikerain · 15/04/2022 21:11

Agree that parenting can be so tough and toddlers absolutely don't give a crap if they humiliate you. I always feel a solidarity with mums of epic tantrumers, it feels so embarrassing when it's happening but if you have been there you completely don't judge a mum dealing with a tantrum. My eldest I'm still convinced is the loudest child ever and her tantrums were unbelievable age 2. My toddler scratched my face while I tried to carry her inside this week all because I put her scooter away. They are otherwise wonderful and sweet kids. Hold your head high in your village- every mum has cried her eyes out because of some aspect of parenting, no one gets through it unscathed. Hopefully some of the young families will become your good friends in time. For your ds this is just a phase while he tries to handle being small but with giant feelings, he'll have a big cute smile for you in the morning after a good night's sleep. Treat yourself to a bath/ magazine/ chocolate/ wine etc it sounds like a really tough day x

endofthelinefinally · 15/04/2022 21:12

Definitely get some sturdy old fashioned reins. All my dc had them. They allow toddlers to walk without having one arm permanently extended ( try it, it is very uncomfortable) and stops them from running into danger.
Then contact your health visitor.
Start a food/ activity/ sleep diary. Make a note of bladder and bowel function too. A constipated child is in constant pain.
I am so sorry you are going through this.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 15/04/2022 21:13

that sounds really, really tough. The vast majority of people will be sympathetic and understanding, they won't judge you in the least and the ones who do are just arseholes.

Can you plan some child free time tomorrow for yourself or with a friend?

ChristinaBlang · 15/04/2022 21:13

This is something you will feel mortified by but others will barely give it a second thought. I know it’s hard to think of how insignificant we are to others but honestly most people have enough on their plates and are just glad it’s not them in the street with a screaming toddler.

Clymene · 15/04/2022 21:15

Ow! You poor thing. That sounds so painful and quite frightening.

You have done nothing wrong. I think you handled it well and no one will be judging you. They will just feel for you

RishisPA · 15/04/2022 21:15

This sounds awful OP so don’t feel bad. Your DS seeing you respond in a human way and people rushing to help you is imo no bad thing. If my children ever actually hurt me in the home I would remove myself and give me time to calm down/stop crying before speaking to them. You don’t always have to be super gentle- even with toddlers it’s ok to remove them, take away toys, implement consequences. His behaviour sounds extreme to me and I’d be having a zero tolerance on any kind of aggressive behaviour.

2bazookas · 15/04/2022 21:16

Tough day:-( We all have them.

When you take him out, I recommend you put reins on him. Then he can't possibly run away/into the road and if he does a sit down protest you can either, wait it out , or haul him back onto his feet.
From the child's POV he doesn't have to be held by the hand so has the illusion of a bit more autonomy while actually being under closer control.

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