How to break the news to my son

[NightfeedsandNetflix]

We were due to move to Oxford in July, having just done two years abroad away from all family and friends in a country very different to home in every sense. My son found himself the dream college course he wants to do, he applied and has been accepted. Husband then tells me this posting has fallen through and we are now scheduled to go to Kinloss in Scotland. I am dreading telling my son. I really don't know how to break it to him. It's eating me up knowing he is so excited to go, yet I'm scared to put him on a downer pre GCSE exams.

What would you do or say?

Have a look at colleges near where you are moving to before you talk to him, so rather than presenting him with a problem you also provide a solution? In there anything else there he would particularly like?

@bonfireheart

Have a look at colleges near where you are moving to before you talk to him, so rather than presenting him with a problem you also provide a solution? In there anything else there he would particularly like?

If he is post GCSE when they move then it will just be a local and likely very rural secondary school as his only option.

Is it a possibility you to stay until after your son does his GCSE's and move to be with your partner later on in the year? Is there any family he could stay with?

Move to Oxford and DH stays up there and commutes for the weekend? I would be putting what's best for ds first to be honest.

I agree with the PP - I'd let your husband go and work there but stay in Oxford for your son and his course.

I wouldn’t do that to your son. You need to prioritize his education. Unless there is an equivalent program in the new location, I would still move as planned, even if it means splitting household temporarily.

Sorry clearly commute is too long
I would stay in Oxford, dh in Kinloss. See each other when you can each month...

I'm guessing he's RAF or other Forces if it's Kinloss? That might make splitting household more difficult potentially. Not sure if that makes it more or less feasible,

I'm guessing (from the language you use) that Hubby is military? Is it possible for you to go married unaccompanied and take surplus SFA near Oxford? Alternatively, can he make a CEAS case for an Oxford posting given the criticality of these next 2 years for your sons education?

I agree with others. If it’s financially viable, as your son has sacrificed a lot already, there should be a discussion on whether he’d prefer to stay or follow his dad.

The OP isn’t in Oxford now though so it would be very strange to move there and her DH to Kinloss. It sounds like he’s in the RAF, is that right? My dad was and we moved all over and we just had to do it. Surely there’ll be a similar course closer to your new home? I like the idea of researching colleges first and presenting him with the options. That said, I ended up in a dreadful school for a level because I was sent to the closest school, so I would do some really good research.

Whereabouts are your family and friends?
Kinloss is far from Edinburgh and Glasgow, let alone the rest of the U.K.
Presumably the two years the family has spent abroad has been for your husband's job, too?
Time to prioritise the rest of the family's needs, perhaps?
Of course you need at least one salary to live on. But if far flung postings really are the only option, perhaps your husband could live and work away during the week and return home at weekends.
Perhaps there are places other than Oxford that the family could live, but consider whether and where there are other colleges with courses that your son could get just as excited about.
I wouldn't be in a rush to move to Kinross, that's for sure (nothing against those who live there, but it doesn't seem right for this family).

I'd board him for those 2 years. It's too important and schools will be a big issue in that location.

Move to Oxford and DH stays up there and commutes for the weekend? I would be putting what's best for ds first to be honest.

I agree.

Your son sounds likes he’s moved around a lot which isn’t really fair to him so I would try and keep things as normal as possible.

I would look at accommodation for just him provided by the college or look at accommodation for the both of you whilst your DH goes where he needs to go.

I agree with everyone else. DS needs to come first.

You've all trailed after DH for his career which sounds established... your DS career/education now needs to take priority to give him the best furture possible

State boarding?

www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/choosing-a-school/state-schools/state-boarding-schools

Quite a few preference military families.

I’d tell him at the beginning of half term / holiday ASAP so that he’s got time to research and think through the implications. There is no way I’d split the family or engage with any options. He’ll find it easier to have a clear picture of the future. It’s great he found a course, but he’s 16, and he’ll find something else.

Thank you everyone, just to add more into the mix, few questions answered.

Yes DH is in Military, we only accompanied on this posting as a family for the first time as it was abroad and my DS had a chance to go to an amazing school. For many years when living in the UK, DH would commute 3 hours daily, prior to that from down south every weekend without fail, never a complaint or expectation for us to move. It was me that said in the future I would accompany as he started to look exhausted and DH was delighted. DS at that point was open to the moves as he makes friends quick and liked the idea of seeing different places.

We now have no housing options in Oxford, the camp is closing down, hence the re post to Kinloss. Our own house is in Yorkshire.

We've also just had a baby, I don't want to break up the family, DH has previously lost contact with his DD from a previous relationship despite many years of back and fourth to the family court for access and I just can't bear to separate him from his baby son who he absolutely dotes on.

I've briefly looked at colleges in Kinloss and there doesn't appear to be a like for like course.

Just when and how do I tell my DS who is doing exams shortly, oh by the way son so sorry that course you have been absolutely giddy about can't happen anymore.

Its two years and then DS will be off to uni, the baby wont know what hes missed.

Is your DP really going to sacrifice your DS's opportunities for the sake of cooing over the new baba.

@ThreeB

I'm guessing (from the language you use) that Hubby is military? Is it possible for you to go married unaccompanied and take surplus SFA near Oxford? Alternatively, can he make a CEAS case for an Oxford posting given the criticality of these next 2 years for your sons education?

Useful information unfortunately, Oxford is closing down this year, we've found CEAS only have a issue if you try to move mid course not prior. Our NI posting was stopped as it meant leaving mid GCSE.

Is it a course that is offered anywhere with a residential option?

@EduCated

Is it a course that is offered anywhere with a residential option?

I will look into this.

Send ds to boarding school in Oxford or is there someone he can stay with? The Scottish option sounds dire for him. Or find him a really good boarding and course option somewhere else.

What would the plans be for his ongoing education? The Scottish education system is quite different from GCSES. Will he be sitting highers in school instead of A levels at a college? If he had plans to go to uni he will need them. also be aware Higher courses start in some schools at the start of June as soon as exams are finished.

Is your husband your son's dad?