How to break the news to my son

[NightfeedsandNetflix]

We were due to move to Oxford in July, having just done two years abroad away from all family and friends in a country very different to home in every sense. My son found himself the dream college course he wants to do, he applied and has been accepted. Husband then tells me this posting has fallen through and we are now scheduled to go to Kinloss in Scotland. I am dreading telling my son. I really don't know how to break it to him. It's eating me up knowing he is so excited to go, yet I'm scared to put him on a downer pre GCSE exams.

What would you do or say?

@Caliexpidocioussuper

Have you looked at Moray College which is part of UHI?

Applications will have opened recently and it might be worth calling up to speak to someone about the actual content of their sports coursesand which level would possibly work.

Many FE colleges have strong links with football clubs so worth a try

I’m deadly serious. The snobbery is people hearing the word Oxford and somehow thinking it must be superior to anywhere north of Birmingham.

Genuinely interested to hear how all the posters berating the OP and demanding that she move to Oxford with her son and a new baby think she will be able to afford to live there as a single parent.

Also, the alacrity with which people are demanding that she separate herself, her son and a newborn from their father is quite something.

@CecilyTheWake I think money would surely of been something OP considered before having her 4th child?

@Caliexpidocioussuper yet your snobbery around it only being a college football course is ok?

If he had been studying physics, would that of been ok for you? Would his choices be more valid then?

Kinloss for a teen? Oh dear. Very very remote.

I'd second Loughborough - it has boarding and one of the best reps for sports in the UK. I'm fairly local to it of you hsve questions and my eldest ds went there (not sports course or boarding though)

@Ducksurprise exactly!

Any chance of begging for Brize Norton?

Well obviously. For a start he would be significantly older and it’s not snobbery to state an absolute fact that a degree opportunity at Oxford is slightly less replicable elsewhere than a football course at a non premiership club.

Op if he's only just doing GCSE it might be worth him going to school and do a 5th year get Highers doesn't need to stay for 6th year plenty kids go to Uni after 5th which would give him options of going to Uni assuming he gets the grades.

Unlike A levels Highers are a one year course, with the opportunity to do Advanced Highers in 6th or do other Highers in 6th year if they want to broaden there field of knowledge.

@Caliexpidocioussuper you clearly don’t understand how these things work so I won’t patronise you. Let’s hope your own children make choices you deem worthy of consideration.

That's a bloody shame!

I think I agree that you're going to have to look into ways to find a nice family for him to board with, or a residential course if you're determined to stay with your DH at his posting.
Although I also think that if he can manage to get a different posting based on the needs of the family, that would be a far better option!

And I can’t imagine he has researched every football course in the country and chosen Oxford. He found the course off the back of being told he was living there. He chose it because he gets to play actual football more than other courses, as any teen would. This is not worth splitting an entire family for. Oxford is incredibly expensive to rent or buy.

@CecilyTheWake

Genuinely interested to hear how all the posters berating the OP and demanding that she move to Oxford with her son and a new baby think she will be able to afford to live there as a single parent.

Also, the alacrity with which people are demanding that she separate herself, her son and a newborn from their father is quite something.

This . I’m amazed

This is very very left field. I know nothing about football nor the course I am about to suggest, though DD is at the college.

Sparsholt college in Hampshire runs a football academy and also has boarding houses www.sparsholt.ac.uk/sparsholt-football-academy/

Your DS could in theory attend and board. NB boarding accommodation is limited and I have no idea whether it would be full by now or not.

@Caliexpidocioussuper surely we all make decisions based on where we are told we’re going to live?

It doesnt sound like he has roots in Oxford so that is good. Honestly, if you can afford it, boarding school. Some offer sports programmes and then he won't be tied geographically so more choice. A lot have bursaries and discounts for military families. Start by looking at boarding schools with both those things - sports programmes and military discounts.
I've worked in a boarding school before and although they get a bad press on mumsnet, for 16+ and for military families they are brilliant and the students really thrive. You say your son is sociable, so he would probably love it and it actually gives him far more options because he can go anywhere in the country. If he is really good at sports there's a decent chance of a further discount with a sports scholarship at some schools.

If your son is very talented at football, which I’m guessing he is, there are a few boarding schools which might offer generous bursaries for sixth form; I know Bradfield College have a football academy programme for instance, and I suspect others will have equivalent.
www.bradfieldcollege.org.uk/co-curricular/sport/football/scholarships/

Op I also don't want to piss on his parade but is it really worth studying football at college?

Every year 100s of young guys who think they have talent sign apprenticeships with clubs, train, clean 1st team boots, 90% of them are told after a couple of years sorry you've not made the grade we are letting you go.
They are then trying to pick up careers, work, elsewhere and build a life outside football.

@Lockdownbear

Op I also don't want to piss on his parade but is it really worth studying football at college?

Every year 100s of young guys who think they have talent sign apprenticeships with clubs, train, clean 1st team boots, 90% of them are told after a couple of years sorry you've not made the grade we are letting you go.
They are then trying to pick up careers, work, elsewhere and build a life outside football.

Same with loads of children that go to uni. Thousands do course not directly linked to any career, come out after three years and find they can't just jump into a well paid job.

It's not just being a footballer, there are thousands of jobs that support football clubs, are involved in football etc.

@Valhalla17

Move to Oxford and DH stays up there and commutes for the weekend? I would be putting what's best for ds first to be honest.

This. For the eighteen months he’ll be there is it possible for you to live there and he could commute?

I'm sure he knows he won't be a footballer if he's not been scouted by 16, but loads of jobs around the sport.

Would RAF Lyneham be an option? He can get a bus from Swindon. Will be a long commute but doable.

@Lockdownbear what an awful attitude- if he wants to do it then of course it’s worth it.

I did a degree I was interested in, no idea what I wanted to do but bloody loved. Did a few jobs which I am sure you would look down on, the decided what I wanted to do and gained a professional qualification.

Feel for your kids to be honest

Wow OP, such a lot to think about.

Didn’t realise having a parent in the military could be so significant to a child’s life. . Not sure I could handle the forced moves.

As for the when you tell him - difficult one - I’m sure you can come up with some great options first of all. Good luck OP!