I absolutely hate being a parent

[anonforthis88]

I’m a mum to a 20 month old toddler. He’s started randomly waking up crying at around 9pm for the last week for no apparent reason - he doesn’t appear to be in any pain and if myself or DH sit with him in his room and cuddle him for an hour he eventually drops off again. I’m so stressed by life, work and just want a sodding evening to myself without having to deal with this. And yes, I know I sound like a total cow but it’s fucking hard having no break whatsoever between work, chores and a screaming child.

Oh, and if anyone tells you the good outweighs the bad and it’s totally worth it - take it from me, IT DOESN’T!

And no, I haven’t tried sleep training (other than leaving him to cry for 10 mins before going in) because you’re judged to fuck if you do and are probably mentally scarring your child for life.

I know I sound unhinged right now but I just need to rant.

As the mum of a 2.5 year old IT IS HARD!! Get some annual leave booked and put him in nursery for a couple of days and relax!! No housework just chill out.

I can’t chill out though - holidays with a child this age are just a total nightmare. There’s no break, it’s either work, childcare or (eventually) sleep.

You need a break. Can you and husband rotate it, so each of you gets alternate evenings as a break, until this phase passes.
Do you have energy to go out, in which case arrange babysitter and get out to miss this?
Any family who could assist for a little break?

I honestly don’t know how or why people have more than one. They must be built of much sterner stuff than me.

Have been here, and I had two of the screamers, i hated being a parent of babies small children, often wanted to run away, knot of anxiety always there in my stomach, spent much of the time thinking I can't do this anymore.

They're 10 and 7 now, and I love being their mum, still days when they do my nut in but it's like day and night compared to those shitty early days. I promise it gets better, especially when they can wipe their own ass, make their own breakfast and you can tell them to just stop talking

And I agree, you do need a break, book yourself into the local travel lodge for a night, I did that a few times and it helped so much!

@anonforthis88 it's hard!

You second and third comment did make me lol though. Love a rant.

Advice I would say is rather than cuddling to sleep, stroke face, pat bum, hold hand, whatever works. Slowly get to a point you just go in and shhh shhh shhh so he knows you're near, then hopefully it'll break the cycle.

I have read somewhere to break a cycle you could stir him about a hour before so it breaks the 'cycle'

@canary1 DH and I do alternate, but it means we never see each other - we’re either at work or, in the evenings, looking after DS. There’s no time together. I can’t get a babysitter knowing he’s like this, as I’m sure he’d be totally hysterical if a stranger randomly appeared in his room at 9pm.

You dont sound unhinged you just sound exhausted. I also can't imagine having another 1 is enough.

You need a day off though. Get your husband to take him out tomorrow for the afternoon.

I've got three kids, aged 2,4 and 6. The 6 months between 18 months and 2 years have been the worst with all of them. Mine have always turned into magical little people who (mainly) bring me joy at age two, so hang in there.

Your baby is at a crappy age/stage - but it gets better, it really does. Still HARD but not in the same way. I promise.

I’m sorry for your problems, but babies can be challenging. However you just have to go with the flow.
Put the child in a safe environment ( like a cot) and just do what you need to do. A long as the child is safe, you are good.
I know it is hard, it has always been!!

@LiG123 thanks but I don’t want to go in and do anything - I just want a toddler who sleeps through and my evenings back!

I'm am going through this right now with my daughter, l feel like lm going insane and l really don't like her behaviour right now. She is 10 months and waking up at 9pm crying hysterically. I just want to get away from her.

Please someone say it gets getter. I feel like a complete failure

@anonforthis88 you will get th age eventually. You just have to work for it and break the cycle.

It does get easier in many ways. I have a teenager and you can talk to them about music, politics, life in general etc. You will get there too. Hang on in there. I was daft enough to have four 💐

Try and remember this will be a phase. A tough one but it will be a phase that will end at some point. Most things at that age are developmental- he’s not doing it purposely. I got SO stressed with my DS with his awful sleep habits but honestly it does get easier and that’s when we decided on a second! I definitely second PP whole said book yourself a day off, put your child into childcare and do whatever would make you happy in peace for the day.

@mistermagpie I have read so many comments on here saying it’s shit until they’re 3 or even 4 though. Which is terrifying. Then I find myself wishing his life away and feeling immensely guilty for doing that.

I’m sorry for your problems, but babies can be challenging. However you just have to go with the flow.

I don’t think I can. I’m tired, totally fed up and just want to run away.

Try and remember this will be a phase. A tough one but it will be a phase that will end at some point.

True, but it could last for months or even years. I can’t cope with that.

OP I feel you. You need down time. However it’s not easy to get it when you end up in a phase like this because you really often have no choice other than to give up that time to settle them. Getting no evening is a massive trigger for me to feel like I hate parenting.

I’m with you on the holiday thing and with the second baby thing.

I did Ferber controlled crying. You both have to make a deal to stick to it or it won't work. No guarantees but its worth a try. At least you feel you're doing something other than contemplate the ruins of your life.

(Ds is 17 and predictably unscarred by this).

[quote anonforthis88]@mistermagpie I have read so many comments on here saying it’s shit until they’re 3 or even 4 though. Which is terrifying. Then I find myself wishing his life away and feeling immensely guilty for doing that.[/quote]
Well yes, but it's incremental so they get a bit better at 2, they are almost human at 4 and by the time they go to school you even kind of miss them when they're there!

Seriously though, it's a gradual thing but it will get better. I obviously had three quite close together so I've had some really quite tough days, but you have to try and find a tiny bit of joy in every one otherwise you go a bit crazy. It does get better when they can talk, my daughter is 25 months and she's pretty great fun just now when 6 months ago I was tearing my hair out. Now we can communicate better she is less frustrated and I am more sure of what to do.

Thanks @myyellowcar. If I can get an evening to myself I can cope, but when that goes out the window it’s just unbearable.