I absolutely hate being a parent

[anonforthis88]

I’m a mum to a 20 month old toddler. He’s started randomly waking up crying at around 9pm for the last week for no apparent reason - he doesn’t appear to be in any pain and if myself or DH sit with him in his room and cuddle him for an hour he eventually drops off again. I’m so stressed by life, work and just want a sodding evening to myself without having to deal with this. And yes, I know I sound like a total cow but it’s fucking hard having no break whatsoever between work, chores and a screaming child.

@mistermagpie I just desperately miss having a full evening to myself with DH. I feel as though I can’t cope without that.

@anonforthis88

I honestly don’t know how or why people have more than one. They must be built of much sterner stuff than me.

^This absolutely baffles me as well.

Can you book yourself a weekend away somewhere? Or go stay with a friend overnight? Or just get your dh to take ds out for a few hours?

You sound really burnt out. Get away from him for a couple of days, it is totally relentless sometimes. You need stuff in your life that is for you too.

[quote anonforthis88]@mistermagpie I just desperately miss having a full evening to myself with DH. I feel as though I can’t cope without that.[/quote]
I totally get that and you need to find a solution. I've never done controlled crying but maybe you're at a point where it's worth a try? It's so hard when you don't get a minute to yourself, it breaks you down.

He may have his back teeth on the move in there, our youngest is an awful sleeper, shouts out in his sleep hourly through the night and has to sleep on my arms giving me pain in my arms all day from it, I've found that usually at around 2 they start sleeping through a lot more solidly :)

DH has just put him down after over an hour of cuddles and he’s crying again. I’m at my wit’s end. He was asleep whilst DH was cuddling him.

Oh OP I know so well how you feel.
It will get better. My DD is 4 now and usually sleeps through the night and goes to bed at seven and plays on her own now. I am actually enjoying parenthood now.

Maybe I should try Calpol but he’s fine when DH is there (suggesting he’s not actually in pain) and he gets absolutely hysterical when taking Calpol.

This stage will pass and things will get better I promise. (Then you just have the teen years to navigate!!)

One thing that worked for me when my eldest became very clingy at bedtime was to gradually move away from them if that makes sense.

So tonight sit next to him stroke a leg whatever until he falls asleep
Tomorrow move a foot away and still shh shh and gently noises so he knows you are there
The next night another foot away and so on and so on.

Honestly you have all my sympathies, you sound so frustrated the early years can be so very hard x

Honestly, it does sound like a good time to try controlled crying, I know it's not for everyone but as long as LO isn't teething or ill, it's something to try. The way I looked at it, it was more damaging for my DC to have an on-edge, angry, tired and frustrated mum, than to go through the CC process. I loosely followed Gina Ford with all 3 DC, the two eldest are fine happy confident and loving boys in spite of my subjecting them to CC (it worked pretty quickly to be fair). Youngest sleeps really well now too so long as she's not ill, although I do BF her for comfort in the night if necessary - Gina would not approve

Sending much luck to you, I hope things improve soon.

I feel your pain! I often wonder how long I can go on for without a break. I just want a break from it. It’s constant. Both mine were ill together a few weeks ago - that was hellish I felt like I was gonna collapse. Trying to cope with work at the same time aswell 😩

You sound really burnt out.

I think I might be but so is DH, so it would be unfair to leave him alone with DS. And DS screams the house down when left even for an hour with my MIL and FIL (even though they’re lovely) so a weekend away is out of the question.

He usually falls asleep relatively quickly initially, but often wakes 45 minutes to an hour later. It’s exhausting.

Trying to cope with work at the same time aswell

This. I don’t care what anyone says, I wish I was a mum in the 1950s, when women didn’t need to be a parent AND hold down a career. It’s so fucking stressful.

Judge away.

Sleep train. Who will know? Ignore the judgey fuckers. Read up, find a method you think might work, and try it for a week.

@HonestlyFFS

After just ONE week of him needing ONE hour of settling you’re frazzled?! Christ. You clearly have absolutely no patience. What did you expect raising children would be like?

Wow the milk of human kindness aren’t ya! Just what a stressed out mum needs to hear 👍

I do think you need to let go of the idea that everyone is dying to judge you! It sounds like you are your own harshest judge. Tbh Mumsnet won't help with that But if you say 'right it's time to do controlled crying', read up how it works, get your dh on board and do it, nobody will know or care. For sure I wouldn't post most of my life choices on Facebook, there's no need to tell anyone. When my mum was being a mum of small children in the early 60s she smoked 40 fags a day, we have to try and manage without.

Awk it’s not easy I hear you, when my dd was that age we spent hours upon hours holding her to sleep, then trying to creep out the room.. it was awful. She is now 3 nearly 4 and now she does sleep all night (mostly). However this stage comes with mega attitude and god bless her she just wants me to play with her all day and today I was so tired I could have just cried at her request to play a game 🤣 that sounds so so awful and I feel like such a terrible parent some days., but I’ve also got a 6 month old who had just decided he likes to see every hour on the clock during the night . I’m reminding myself one day this house will be empty and I’ll miss these days

I feel your pain op. DS is nearly 4 and takes hours to go to sleep. We put him to bed at 8 every evening and the average time of him going to sleep is 1030pm-11pm. It was 0015 the other night! He would happily play but I have to go up and down the stairs every 5 mins to be on "poo watch" as he likes to play with it if you don't catch him on time( sorry for the tmi). And then if he isn't doing that he's making so much noise that I can't sleep myself. I won't make you more miserable by telling you how long this has been going on for. No advice I'm afraid op,just my sympathies

god bless her she just wants me to play with her all day

My DS doesn’t play on his own for a second, so when he’s awake it’s just constant.

People often tell you it’s so hard, but until you have them, you just don’t fully understand what that means in real terms. Well I didn’t anyway.

Ignore the troll OP. It's ridiculously unbelievably hard and honestly I just sleepwalked my way through age 2-3. It does get better - when they can communicate what is up and what they are freaking out about. I did stick with one though.

Your not going to want to hear this but I found acceptance was key.

Once I accepted the fact I would spend hours of my evening and DS1's beside, it was easier.

Once I accepted the fact I was a zombie at work as if been awake multiple times in the night, it was easier.

Once I accepted the fact that no matter how much bum tapping/shushing/hand resting on back I did he would sleep in his own time, it was easier.

(This sounds so hippie and I am not a hippy mum at all!)

Right now your exhausted/stressed and fighting a battle. It's bloody hard.

Maybe rather than alternate nights, do 2 in a row. Then you get 2 nights of headspace rather than 1.

Just to point out DS1 is 7 now and I feel like the bedtime cuddles are getting shorter. Which in a way is sad, but if you'd told me that when he was around 2 I would have cheered.

You can leave him with a babysitter, just build it up have the person around in the day for a few hours a few times, then get the person to take him to the park a few times and then thy won't be a stranger.
You can do this through an agency or