I absolutely hate being a parent

[anonforthis88]

I’m a mum to a 20 month old toddler. He’s started randomly waking up crying at around 9pm for the last week for no apparent reason - he doesn’t appear to be in any pain and if myself or DH sit with him in his room and cuddle him for an hour he eventually drops off again. I’m so stressed by life, work and just want a sodding evening to myself without having to deal with this. And yes, I know I sound like a total cow but it’s fucking hard having no break whatsoever between work, chores and a screaming child.

Sorry posted before finished.
Your local council should have lists of people available for nannying or babysitting ect. X

Have you taken the little guy for a check-up?

I relate. I really sympathise. My DD slept brilliantly from 7m to 2.5 years. For the past six months she has woken up for an hour at about 4am almost every single night. She lies in bed shouting "mummy, daddy" and if we ignore her she eventually becomes hysterical. Not looking for any advice on this, by the way, not offering any, just saying I relate. She only falls asleep at 9pm some nights too so you literally get an hour of "evening" then have to go to bed to get ready for the middle-of-the-night waking.

Some nights I am in tears. I am heavily pregnant at the moment too so could really do with banking some sleep! Keep asking myself why I am doing this all again by choice I miss my old life so much!

It’s miserable. When we had DC1 he was a dream baby and slept beautifully.

Then we had DC2 and, well, karma bit me on the bum big time. He never freaking slept. I cannot remember much of his first year because of the exhaustion.

Things finally improved only for night terrors to kick in when he was 2. I honestly don’t know how I coped.

He’s 11 now and the night terrors have stopped and he sleeps well.

There’s nothing I can say to make it easier for you but I do know you are not alone.

@BadgeronaMoped sorry go hijack but I've seen this a few times on sleep threads and don't get how Gina Ford works.

We tried to follow it religiously from birth but LO has always woken at least 2-3 times a night up to about 6 months and wanted a feed (obviously more on the first 3 months).

We had a miraculous period of sleeping though for a few weeks around 7-8 months and now she's back waking almost hourly and being fed twice a night since she got a cold a few weeks ago.

I thought she'd sleep through at 8 weeks if I was religious and were now at almost 9 months and its still like having a newborn. I've tried leaving her crying with us going in to reassure. Pick up, put down. Patting and shushing.

It just doesn't work. If you go in she'll scream till she picks up and I've never got past the not feeding her after we tried one night for an hour and she just kept crying.

Hard as it is, these phases just happen sometimes. Sleep isn't linear, and sometimes there will be tough weeks and you just have to ride it out. I wouldn't sleep train due to one bad week, personally. There could be a number of reasons behind it, none of which sleep training is particularly appropriate for.

A PP mentioned acceptance and I think that's a good point. If you feel resentful and angry and are constantly trying to get away to continue what you are doing, then the tension gets way higher. I always find it easier to just accept that's my evening tonight, get my PJs and AirPods on, grab my Kindle or phone and read or watch something while cuddling. It won't be forever, and it likely won't be every night for months on end, but sometimes little kids go through weeks of weird sleep because they are going through something developmental, they are teething, incubating a bug. And sometimes it's easier just to accept that's just what's going on right now and go with it.

Oh god, I just remembered the thing that made me think i was actually in hell. No matter what time I went up to bed, he would wait until I’d just drifted off to sleep and then would start screaming. Being wrenched back to consciousness just broke me.

for you OP.

It’s part and parcel of having a baby. You get through one stage….then another starts. It’s brutal!!

Things get easier when they reach 4 and start nursery or school.

OP you sound at breaking point and remind me of me when mine were little. I hated it. After age 5 I began to enjoy it and after age 7 it has been a delight. Lord strike me down for saying it but I can't stand being around friends young children, it's stressful and horrible even when it's not your own! Some of us aren't designed to be parents of little kids but are amazing when they're older, I have a 15 year old and it has its challenges but a walk in the park compared to the younger years.

If you can maybe pay for one of those sleep consultants (I can't remember their proper name) who'll teach you to do the sleep training properly. Get a babysitter who's a nursery nurse or similar and pay them to look after your child in the day so in the evenings when he wakes he's familiar with them. Or, if it's doable (as in affordable) have a consultation with an early years psychologist who will take this seriously. Support for parents is seriously crap in this country. Contact your health visitor and insist on a home visit and some support. Kids can sleep, yes they go through phases but they can if parents get the right support with how to achieve it.

Sleep train. He's too old to be waking up randomly screaming.

I had one, and was a single parent. It’s tough. I think I resigned myself to it and would just read a book or be on my phone next to her in bed whilst she dropped off, it actually became a nice calm routine.

Also hate to say it and I may get crucified for this but cosleeping saved my life or at least my sleep!!

Grumble away OP but you sound very committed to him and a very good parent. Which is why you can’t leave him to cry or leave him with anyone else - which is why you are so tired.
He is in great hands but can you give yourself a break now and then? Who minds him when you’re at work? Can he be minded on your day off or for an evening here and there? Or do you feel too guilty to leave him on your day(s) off because you don’t see him while you’re working?
It does get better day by day - and contrary to what some pp have said, the sheer exhaustion is over LONG before they are 3 or 4. You honestly won’t remember this phase in a few months time.

And yes yes yes to cosleeping!

It is very hard. It's about this age that some need to drop a day time nap, especially if they are still having a morning and afternoon nap. Not that easy though. They still tire during the day and I know that when I was having disturbed nights I was very reluctant to give up that bit of quiet time during the day, when sometimes you know it's the only rest you are likely to get. I don't know if your little one naps much during the day. I dropped the afternoon nap at this stage. It was hard as she got really tired that way between 3.00and 4.00 in the afternoon. I brought tea and bathtime forward then gave extra milk before bed Inn the hope of avoiding extra waking through hunger because of earlier tea time. Took perseverance because I so wanted that daytime nap to continue. Worked for me. May not work for you. Hope you get some rest somehow soon. 💐

I’ve tried co-sleeping but barely sleep a wink when we do because I’m so worried about him suffocating under the duvet, falling out of bed or getting elbowed. Other times he wakes me because he’s thrashing around. Perhaps I’m doing it wrong?

He’s at a childminder when I’m at work but she doesn’t do babysitting. I find my work stressful and not especially enjoyable, so it doesn’t feel like I get any break at all really. I’m either at work or looking after DS.

Thanks for the kind comments and the understanding, it has helped to let off steam on here.

DS sleeps for about 45 minutes to an hour over lunchtime usually. He went through a phase of refusing the lunchtime nap but is back on them thankfully. Then he will usually sleep for 10-11 hours at night.

I honestly look at child-free by choice couples I know and think how smart they are for making that decision. I love DS but am really struggling right now.

One of my twins "regressed" around this age. It was harder than the newborn stage as so unexpected. Nursery would insist she had barely napped all day and yet she was awake, all night, for five days. It killed me. Stopped as suddenly as it started. There is some theory about their brains adjusting at this stage to the world being bigger than just them or something... But it does end. In a few years you will be remembering this and writing a message of support to someone else (my two are 8 now). Hang on in there, share the load, let the housework slide, get through every day and he will get through it eventually.

It is hell. Keep going. Have a glass of wine.

Also, the acceptance point is really helpful, thank you.

But this time is so precious. You'll look back and regret.

No, no you won't. Mine are way past that now and although it's sweet seeing old fb posts, I really, really wouldn't want to be back there. It was exhausting and miserable.

On the plus side, they're great now.

Everything is better after sleep. Do whatever it takes that works for you and stuff everyone else. Dh and I couldn’t comprehend how anyone would decide to have a second but then, at 3, Dd was fab (and sleeping) so we decided to have a second… well, someone was having a laugh because I got pregnant first try with twins! They are now 10 and 14 and fab. Still hard work but much more rewarding and I feel like me again. I can sit reading a book and tell them to only disturb me if there’s vomit or significant blood loss.

I agree op, I hate people saying it gets better, it does not, my kids have got harder the older they get 😣

I was pregnant with my second when my first was 20 months.