AIBU to give older child breast milk?

[SamanthaJol2]

I completely failed to BF my DD and seem to have lots of excess milk with my DS, would it be ok to give my daughter expressed BM to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for failing her?

@SamanthaJol2

I’m a failure to my first child because I couldn’t breastfeed. I can’t bare it

You're really not and that statement I'm sorry to say sounds stupid. If you said that out loud in the real world no one would agree. Please get help and don't waste precious time dwelling over it

Stepping away from this thread now because I don’t think it’s helping OP, just feeding and validating her irrational anxiety.

OP, please get some real life help. Your rumination over this is going to be more harmful to your children than a lack of breastmilk. Nobody on here can give you the magic answer you need.

Love I think you need to get some help for your anxiety before giving her breast milk. In reality, she doesn't need it now and like many many children before her, is likely to be thriving due to formula milk as a baby plus a balanced solid diet now.
Your obsession and anxiety with your perceived failure (it's not) is going to cause your dc problems if you don't get it seen to by a professional.

I’d honestly rather not by here then feel like I failed my beautiful daughter. I love her so much and I really can’t forgive myself. I’m going to call 111

Depends if she wants it.

Although your body makes milk for the child nursing, it will benefit her. Loads of antibodies and vitamins etc in it. It’s more normal than giving her cow milk but as a society we are brainwashed to believe consuming cows milk is normal. I say that not to sound like a nut job but it’s the truth. they remove calves from their mums in order to obtain the cow breast milk for human consumption. Imagine the grief the cow mother feels! Imagine having your little baby taken away and then having your milk stolen, milk you make for your precious baby!
Anyway. Nothing wrong with giving her breastmilk. It’s better for her than cow milk. Cow milk designed for cows. Human milk designed for humans.
If she doesn’t like it, don’t be offended as she isn’t used to it.

I think you need to seek some medical attention OP. Your subsequent posts suggest you may need some help from professionals.

Good luck.

And don’t feel guilty you didn’t breastfeed in the beginning. A fed baby is a happy baby but I was just stating facts, cow milk is for cows. If you want to give her breast milk then great. There’s no age limit. My nearly three year old tandem feeds with my new baby. She will get benefits from it. Please don’t feel bad about not breastfeeding her as a baby. You don’t need to “make it up” to her and I bet she’s a healthy bouncy little girl! Full of beans and that’s because you made sure she was fed when she was little doesn’t matter how.

Yes seeking help sounds a good idea given how you are feeling today, SamanthaJo. Is anyone else around with the kids? Have you had mental health support before/ anyone you work with just now?

Anxiety is a horrible thing and clouds your perception of everything. In the long term it sounds like you need help to deal with the anxious thoughts that you have caused harm by not being able to breastfeed DD. Lots of poster have given you reassuring replies but when in this frame of mind it’s the anxious voice that you listen to. In the short term it sounds like you need someone with you just now to help with the kids while you feel like this and seek help.

Would you not feel guilty?

Calling 111 sounds like a good idea

@SamanthaJol2 you will see this differently I promise. Please get some help for your anxiety.

@Itsnotover will I look back and think..why was I so worked up over that?

How do you know I will get over this?

Did you manage to make the phone call OP? Could you show somebody in real life this thread so that they can help you make the call?

I called them but they weren’t much help. Please help me understand that I am not a bad mother for what happened. I really can’t handle letting my baby down

Of course you aren't, but we can't help you with that, you need RL help.

Do you have a contact number for your health visitor, or a clinic?

I really need to hear from more people who formula fed and was fine with it. I have read a million posts of people saying even if you smoke it is better to breastfeed than not breastfeed at all. I can’t believe formula would be out in the same risk bracket as smoking. I feel like I can’t breathe please help me

I’m going out of my mind that my daughter is at a disadvantage. If I ever get through this I will give those idiots on those threads a piece of my mind

@SamanthaJol2

I really need to hear from more people who formula fed and was fine with it. I have read a million posts of people saying even if you smoke it is better to breastfeed than not breastfeed at all. I can’t believe formula would be out in the same risk bracket as smoking. I feel like I can’t breathe please help me

OP, this is not about breastfeeding. This is about you and your anxiety. If you had breastfed, I guarantee you'd be fixating on something else right now- organic foods, non-bio washing powder, the list of things to obsess over as a parent is endless.

It sounds like you might be having a panic attack. The NHS says, of panic attacks:

'What to do during a panic attack
The next time you feel a panic attack coming on:

do not fight it
stay where you are, if possible
breathe slowly and deeply
remind yourself that the attack will pass
focus on positive, peaceful and relaxing images
remember it's not life threatening'

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/panic-disorder/

I’d definitely consider donating it to a milk bank. It can be really beneficial for babies in SCBU.

ukamb.org/ Is one link that came up, I don’t know whether it is an official one. Worth a Google.

If it helps you cope tonight, my 2 DC were formula fed. They are now tall, they are doing well in school, DD age 9 has never had a day off school for illness, DS age 6 has had 1. They are happy, healthy, they eat well and are not sickly.
If you need to formula feed your child it really is okay. I know you need more help than this post will give you but if it helps you calm down a little then this is 100% true.

@SamanthaJol2

I completely failed to BF my DD and seem to have lots of excess milk with my DS, would it be ok to give my daughter expressed BM to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for failing her?

Have you posted about this before OP? I seem to remember it was more about your guilt and crying over her at night than the actual benefit of the milk.

@CaptainChannel thank you. Also, does it bother you when other mums say breast is best, does it make you feel guilty? (I have never felt guilty before so I really don’t believe you should)

I think you need to self refer to the mental health team. This level of worry and upset is not normal.