AIBU to give older child breast milk?

[SamanthaJol2]

I completely failed to BF my DD and seem to have lots of excess milk with my DS, would it be ok to give my daughter expressed BM to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for failing her?

I breastfed all of mine but for vastly differing amounts of time and I have felt guilty in the past for weaning the elder ones much earlier than the younger ones. I do think it's important to let go of guilt like this if you can. You have to make the right decision for the individual child and you at that particular time, and it's not always the same for each dc. Go easy on yourself.

@Bluntness100

I think at this age the benefit of breastfeeding is comfort. As this is just cups of milk then if it makes you feel good go for it, but it’s doubtful it’s got any benefit for her,

Completely untrue. It nutritionally beneficial in the same way cow’s milk is and it will antibodies specific to the virus and bacteria you and your baby have been exposed to and as a family living together presumably she has been exposed to them too.

She may not want to have it.

@Chunkymenrock I was just wondering if anybody felt guilty about it that is all.

Maybe I shouldn’t give it her, I meant to maybe just put it in her cereal etc as I now have an oversupply ironically and My son probably won’t have it, can I do anything else with it?

Donate it to a milk bank?

There's always benefit from it. For one thing, COVID 19 antibodies from vaccinated mums are transmitted in breast milk.

If she likes it go for it, plenty of nutrition and of course she will still benefit from the immune properties too. When dc2 was born my dc1 who was 2 realised that my other breast leaked during a feed so stayed hoiking my bra down and holding their cup under it!

Then dc3 was born, dc1 was 5 and dc2 was 3. They both tried to bf again, they were curious. It ended with lots of giggles but while dc2 didn't like the taste dc1 loved it and until they were around 7 if I ever expressed, which I tended to do for comfort when I got in from work, they would snaffle any breast milk in the fridge and drink it.

You could use it for smoothies, in her portion of mashed potato, basically in any dish where you normally use cow's milk. I think it's a lovely idea and much more beneficial than giving her another animal's milk.

Just don't microwave it. I seem to remember that depletes it of nutrients.

I did this. Only a couple of times though as it was such a faff to express and toddlers drink a lot at a time!

I couldn't breastfeed my dc4 as he has a disability but I breastfed my others. I don't feel guilt now although I did when a dr kept on at me about how I should have breastfed him. It was physically impossible when he was a baby and when the dr was having a go at me he was 6 years old.

I give my son (4) breastmilk hot chocolates once a week. I'm direct breastfeeding his almost 2 year old brother. Like you, OP, I do feel that guilt for not BFing my 4 year old as long as his sibling.

The reason I started giving him breastmilk was due to Covid (as mentioned by @GreenLunchBox )

P.S. you really shouldn't feel guilty, easier said than done, as I get that wave of guilt still. I just try to remind myself of what I would say to someone else in my position

Bottle fed both of mine from day one. I sometimes feel guilty about it (breast is best and all that) but then I think about the benefits of bottle feeding (which for me there were many). I think all you can do is make decisions based on your own circumstances at the time.

"I think all you can do is make decisions based on your own circumstances at the time"

Absolutely this. Every mother does her best with what she has, and knows at the time. I hope for you to have peace X

I can't see any reason not to give your older DC a bit of breast milk, and it might even have some benefits. I would just offer it to see if she likes it though instead of feeling a pressure for her to take breast milk to 'make up' for not having it younger if you see what I mean or you might feel worse if she refuses it. You have nothing to feel bad about, you did what felt best for you and each baby in the circumstances. If you have an oversupply I think you may as well try though if you want to!

@TwittleBee

I give my son (4) breastmilk hot chocolates once a week. I'm direct breastfeeding his almost 2 year old brother. Like you, OP, I do feel that guilt for not BFing my 4 year old as long as his sibling.

The reason I started giving him breastmilk was due to Covid (as mentioned by @GreenLunchBox )

I think it's a great idea for the antibodies

Interestingly, he is the only child in his class not to have caught covid @GreenLunchBox (as a caveat though, he is also good on hand washing and isn't that social so that might also be why)

There’s certainly no harm, but please don’t feel guilty about not breastfeeding her. You didn’t fail her. She’s three and thriving because you did a great job of raising her.

If you do give her some I wouldn’t put it in cereal. It tastes quite different to cow’s milk so she might not like it. I would blend it in a smoothie instead.

The other option is you can just freeze it for future times when you maybe want to give your son a bottle of expressed milk.

Yes in a cup as it's quite sweet so a bottle or straw would be bad for teeth.
I bf 1st child for 6 weeks
2nd fir 3m
3rd for 12m
Stopped with 1st two mainly due to poor attachment, embarrassment about feeding in public and fear not getting enough.
Never offered milk up from third one to the older two though they were 14 and 17 at time 😂😂

@SamanthaJol2

Has anybody else not breastfed all of their children for whatever reason?

I've not breast fed either of mine.

I felt no.guilt whatsoever.

Back in pre covid days you could donate BM to maternity units. Perhaps that's something you could do with the excess.

I think this is more for you than your DD. And donating it might do more for making you feel better than giving it to DD.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out with your first child.

I think there’s no harm trying, but echo others who say consider how you’d feel if she didn’t like it. My eldest (who bf for years) wanted to try some of my milk when her little sister was born. I expressed a bit in a cup and she eagerly tasted but found it was ‘yuk’ and not at all as she’d remembered.

@chunkymenrock OP didn't qualify her question with 'on this forum thread now, prepared to talk about how it made them feel' but your response was harsh, to sneer like that....

@autieok

Yes in a cup as it's quite sweet so a bottle or straw would be bad for teeth. I bf 1st child for 6 weeks 2nd fir 3m 3rd for 12m Stopped with 1st two mainly due to poor attachment, embarrassment about feeding in public and fear not getting enough. Never offered milk up from third one to the older two though they were 14 and 17 at time 😂😂

Aren't straws better than cups for sweet things because they minimise contact between the liquid and the teeth?

@ThirdElephant yes 🙈 sorry blame tiredness I meant to say sippy cup 😂😂 thank you for correcting

All of my DCs (age 6, 5 and 2) have had Breastmilk in some form during the 2 years I’ve been breastfeeding the youngest.
It doesn’t just magically lose its benefits once your kid hits a certain age. You’re basically giving your 3 year old a shot of your immune system and I don’t see how that can ever be a bad thing!
When DC3 was teething, i made a load of breastmilk ice lollies and both of my older DCs had them too.

@PotatoGoblins THis is what I thought. Even though I didn’t feed my daughter when she was a baby I thought breast milk was beneficial for the immunity part…surely that is the same regardless of age? I’m not expecting her to benefit calorie wise as obviously she is having a normal balanced diet.