AIBU to give older child breast milk?

[SamanthaJol2]

I completely failed to BF my DD and seem to have lots of excess milk with my DS, would it be ok to give my daughter expressed BM to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for failing her?

@Ossoduro when you said you felt guilty for years. What did that look like exactly. As I do feel my anxiety is a bit much and taking over my life a bit. Was you the same?

I think it's a great idea. Why waste perfectly good breast milk? I've breastfed and FF for different reasons but breast milk has nutritional benefits for children beyond babyhood. I'm pretty sure the WHO recommends breastfeeding until at least 2 anyway.,

I think I’m struggling with how ‘guilty’ I am supposed to feel. Should I be experiencing this level of anxiety and worry over it? Is that what guilty looks like?

Anybody?

@SamanthaJol2 I don't think this is rational. I recognise your level of anxiety as I had it myself... I would say it is an obsessive thought. The thread has reassured you but you still seem very anxious which is what is making me suspect this is irrational. I'm so sorry you're struggling.

@cafedesreves how did you overcome it? It’s making me so miserable

@SamanthaJol2 I'm so sorry. I actually had a lot of help from the perinatal mental health team, particularly CBT. It was all free. I also decided to take sertraline as mine was quite severe, but that was after a consultation with a psychiatrist under their team. I'm loving life now - was just a bump I had to get over.

@SamanthaJol2 please try to get some support. I'm sorry you feel so guilty but you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work out. Fed is best. It sounds glib but it's true.

If you get some help you will be able to put this into perspective

@SamanthaJol2

I honestly didn’t even think anything of it until I read something on here and made me question my relationship with my daughter

This is why I try to steer well clear of the breastfeeding threads on here. Some of the attitudes and notions spouted by the BF Mafia on here are so toxic. The number of women who post saying they're in floods of hysterical tears when feeding baby their first bottle, and people on here encourage that. It's the most anti-woman corner of Mumsnet. Ignore the lot of them.

@cafedesreves I will get over this won’t I?

Yes you will.

@cafedesreves is this really about breastfeeding? Or have I just focused on that?

[quote SamanthaJol2]@cafedesreves is this really about breastfeeding? Or have I just focused on that?[/quote]
I can't tell you that as I don't know you, but I would have thought it's just the particular thing you've focused in on. But I would say definitely have a chat with the perinatal team. Where I live they're brilliant.

@cafedesreves did the same thing happen to you? What was you focused on? How long did it take for you to feel better?

@SamanthaJol2 I don't really want to go into all the details but I have struggled with intrusive thoughts a lot. I would say it was worst between my baby being 6 weeks and 4 months them started to improve. A lot of it was down to exhaustion.

There isn’t a right level of guilt you should feel over this OP. It would be lovely if you felt no guilt at all! But realistically you want to get to a point where these thoughts aren’t preventing you from doing other things, like enjoying cuddling and feeding your newborn and enjoying playing and interacting with your toddler. Maybe it’s time to talk to your hv or gp about how you’re feeling?

SamanthaJol2

You have nothing to feel guilty about - I didn’t breasteed either of mine and they are now 11 and 8 and they have always had much stronger immune systems than the majority of kids their ages. And they are both very loved and bonded with and we have fantastic relationships.

I don’t understand the militant attitude towards breastfeeding on here. My SIL is currently breastfeeding her second, she has confided in me she hates it, but she feels like she should because she never did with her first. It’s shit women are being pressured into this when they don’t want to do it /it’s making them miserable- what’s the point ?? The baby years go by so quickly we should be encouraging women to enjoy them as much as they can!

I’m just so scared I’m going to be like this forever…@Etherealhedgehog why are they like that??

Somebody please come back to me I’m really struggling

OP, I think this is what anxiety looks like. It is OK to need help. Nobody will question your parenting (if that is a worry, as it often is.) Please reach out to your GP or health visitor. It doesn't sound like a worry that will go away on its own but there is help available and there is no shame in accessing it.

And no, nobody is encouraging people to cry over giving a bottle. Ignore Etherealhedgehog as it sounds like they are trying to stir up an argument.

I’m a failure to my first child because I couldn’t breastfeed. I can’t bare it

I think you need to seek professional help.

Look, OP, I've had anxiety and I get it. You feel terrible so you're desperately crying out for help in the hopes that someone on here will say the magic thing that'll stop you feeling this way and relieve you of your burden.

That magic thing doesn't exist, sorry to say. There's absolutely nothing on here that will make you feel better if you're in the grips of anxiety, there just isn't. You need to treat the cause, not the symptom. That can either be through medical means- your GP will probably give you pills- or talking therapies or holistic strategies but you do need to actively do something other than mumsnetting. I am sorry for you- anxiety is awful and debilitating but there is power in knowing that it's not normal and can be fixed.