AIBU to give older child breast milk?

[SamanthaJol2]

I completely failed to BF my DD and seem to have lots of excess milk with my DS, would it be ok to give my daughter expressed BM to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for failing her?

Breastmilk only provides passive immunity. There's a reason vaccinations are required in infancy and beyond. Giving a 3 year old a cup of breastmilk will not protect them from Covid for long.

@BigWoollyJumpers

Breastmilk only provides passive immunity. There's a reason vaccinations are required in infancy and beyond. Giving a 3 year old a cup of breastmilk will not protect them from Covid for long.

Temporary protection is better than no protection, though. We can't vaccinate against COVID yet, so this is really all we have if we want to protect our under fives.

*Should say, we can't vaccinate small children against COVID yet.

I didn’t breast feed either of mine & I feel zero guilt. They are both thriving, happy, healthy children. You don’t look round a class of 5 year olds & ponder who was breastfed!

I feel far far far more guilty/sad about my eldest child being a fussy eater. That bares far more importance in their life long term. Food is what they’ll eat for life. I’m desperately trying to encourage healthy habits & a love of food. My youngest eats brilliantly but my eldest has been a real challenge. Getting better now, does eat her 5 a day! 🙌🏼

I'd say go for it! Breast milk is amazing stuff.

Are you going to express the milk? Because she won't know how to latch on if she never breastfed. I breastfed a baby and a toddler for a while, a.d the toddler loved it and got a lot from it too.

Yea I have lots of expressed milk in the freezer I have no clue what to do with. I think I have decided to just use it in the bath

@LolaSmiles so basically nobody said breast milk was gross, you’re projecting and now arguing with yourself? confused
What are you on about?I've not mentioned anything about people saying breastmilk is gross.

I've been discussing why some women don't get the support they need to implement their chosen feeding choices and challenging the idea that the benefits of breastfeeding are exaggerated in order to guilt trip mothers.

How on earth that's projecting and arguing with myself is beyond me

@SamanthaJol2

Yea I have lots of expressed milk in the freezer I have no clue what to do with. I think I have decided to just use it in the bath

Oooh, I should say, you can get kits on Etsy to make it into jewellery (or you can send it off for a jeweller to do). Look into that if it appeals. You don't need tonnes of the stuff to do it, though there is a specific amount you need. Lots of women find that it's a nice little keepsake.

[quote LolaSmiles]**@LolaSmiles so basically nobody said breast milk was gross, you’re projecting and now arguing with yourself? confused
What are you on about?I've not mentioned anything about people saying breastmilk is gross.

I've been discussing why some women don't get the support they need to implement their chosen feeding choices and challenging the idea that the benefits of breastfeeding are exaggerated in order to guilt trip mothers.

How on earth that's projecting and arguing with myself is beyond me

[/quote]
But what has all of that got to do with OP’s question?

But what has all of that got to do with OP’s question?
Replying to posters saying that benefits of breastfeeding are exaggerated in order to guilt mums.

The OP feels some guilt. She shouldn't feel guilt. But that guilt isn't because people make up the benefits of breastfeeding in order to make women feel guilty.Another poster has mentioned a book that covers the topic too. Acknowledging that for all the pro-breastfeeding information in pregnancy, post birth the support for women who wish to breastfeed isn't there can be helpful for women who wanted to breastfeed but didn't/who wanted to breastfeed but stopped earlier than they would have liked.

Either way, I haven't said anyone has called breastfeeding gross, aren't projecting and aren't arguing with myself.

@LolaSmiles nobody has said the benefits are made up

But they are overstated, or at least, not quantified. The benefit over a lifetime is negligible. That is a fact - you can’t like facts when they determine ‘breast is best’, but not like facts when they determine it’s only best by a negligible amount.

I find mumsnet very pro breastfeeding, however, in real life my family and friends raise an eyebrow at extended breastfeeding and most people I know formula feed?

Of course you can! You can bake with it too.

@Excited101

Of course you can! You can bake with it too.

Why would you want/need too though. Just odd. Sorry.

@BigWoollyJumpers
Because you have a stack of breastmilk in the freezer and the thought of tipping it away is disheartening. It takes a lot of effort- physically and mentally, to pump breastmilk for your baby. Mums who’ve done it understandably feel like that effort shouldn’t be tipped down the sink. I probably wouldn’t bake with breastmilk personally (because other people might want to eat the cake afterwards and I wouldn’t want to deal with their reactions to learning it contained human milk), but I would absolutely use my leftover breastmilk in place of cows milk to make porridge or hot chocolate for my own 3 year old child. I did use frozen breastmilk to make porridge when my child was first starting solids. Nobody could reasonably claim that was odd or gross considering that child was still breastfeeding and continued breastfeeding for a further 18 months. In my case and in OPs question it’s really not about whether there are measurable health benefits for the child, it’s more about feeling like all that effort we went to to pump the milk is doing something positive, even if it’s too small to measure.

it’s more about feeling like all that effort we went to to pump the milk is doing something positive, even if it’s too small to measure

That's very reasonable .

@SamanthaJol2

I find mumsnet very pro breastfeeding, however, in real life my family and friends raise an eyebrow at extended breastfeeding and most people I know formula feed?

Well, statistically speaking you're very much in the minority on a UK-wide level. Something like 1% of UK babies are still receiving any breast milk at 12 months, so it makes sense that you may not know any personally.

It's not a bad thing at all, but it's definitely not the norm. My 3 year old still takes as much of the stuff as she can get, but I'm aware that that's very, very unusual in this country.

It’s not that unusual.

Just unusual in certain demographics.

10 of us in my nct group, 7 still bfing at 1.

NCT tends to be a particular demographic in itself!

OP I could have written your post 10 years ago. I felt terrible for the fact that BF didn't work out with DC1 (variety of reasons which I won't go into here). Having DC2 stirred up many of those emotions again. I did try giving DC1 some expressed milk in a cup but he didn't like it.

I promise you all this will feel better in time and will in fact fade into insignificance as your DC get older.

@PearDr0ps I’ve PM’d you x

For the mums that didn’t manage breastfeeding first time round, please tell me you didn’t feel guilty

There is no harm in it. I was still breastfeeding my oldest at 3, stopped when she was 3.5. There could be a short-term immunity benefit but she isn't a defenseless new baby so it's not so important for her. My 6 year old (the one I fed till 3.5) was repeatedly asking to breastfeed as I was breastfeeding the baby so I gave her some expressed milk in a cup and she hated it - but it stopped the asking :)

I think you need to let go of the guilt. I didn't think there was any good evidence for the long-term benefit of breastfeeding over formula feeding.

@SamanthaJol2

For the mums that didn’t manage breastfeeding first time round, please tell me you didn’t feel guilty

Please let your guilt go - is your daughter happy? Healthy? Progressing well? Then it really doesnt matter

Above all else - fed is best, doesnt matter where it came from

I didnt breast feed, wasnt well for a few days after labour so had no milk and to be honest was so touched out by then i couldnt face starting, plus my husband was being brilliant at helping with night feeds and i didnt want that to stop!

My son is now a clever, happy, lovely teenager and i dont give a second thought about how he was fed

Forgive yourself and move on with your lovely happy babies who are both fed and loved the same regardless of how you do it