AIBU to give older child breast milk?

[SamanthaJol2]

I completely failed to BF my DD and seem to have lots of excess milk with my DS, would it be ok to give my daughter expressed BM to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for failing her?

Op, breast milk has a higher fat content than cows milk. There really isn’t much info out there for someone who starts feeding a three year old breast milk when they haven’t had it previously, but there is plenty of research saying the benefits of continuing breast feeding in older children the health benefits are disagreed by scejntists, in fact they mostly universally agree that after three months the health benefits are very limited and the most you will do is ward off the occasional ear infection.

The benefits are more in the bonding and comfort of breast feeding

Giving your formula fed child cups of breast milk at three is not going to give them magical immunity, but it’s not something really researched as it’s not a common thing to do.

Howver the benefit is it might help you mentally.

No. Just no. She doesnt need it and this isn't going to fix whatever the reasons are that you feel guilty for. The point in time for breastfeeding your dd has gone, you can't get it back. There's no reason to feel guilty about not breastfeeding. The benefits are very much overstated in a bid to make women feel guilty for not doing it. Fed is best.

@Bluntness100

Op, breast milk has a higher fat content than cows milk. There really isn’t much info out there for someone who starts feeding a three year old breast milk when they haven’t had it previously, but there is plenty of research saying the benefits of continuing breast feeding in older children the health benefits are disagreed by scejntists, in fact they mostly universally agree that after three months the health benefits are very limited and the most you will do is ward off the occasional ear infection.

The benefits are more in the bonding and comfort of breast feeding

Giving your formula fed child cups of breast milk at three is not going to give them magical immunity, but it’s not something really researched as it’s not a common thing to do.

Howver the benefit is it might help you mentally.

Sources on 'it's universally agreed that after three months the benefits are very limited' please.

It would be much better for her than cows milk :) my older son used to steal any expressed milk he could, he loved it. It’s a perfectly natural thing to give a human!

Have you got a stack of unneeded breastmilk in the freezer OP? If that’s the case, I’d absolutely stick some on your older child’s cereal or hot chocolate or whatever. All the posters saying there is no benefit are ignoring the fact that breastmilk is food. It’s fat and sugars and protein plus all the great live elements like antibodies. Worst case senario, your older child doesn’t like it and doesn’t eat/drink it. Best case scenario is that they get a little benefit from the antibodies etc plus the macronutrients plus you feel good about it. I wouldn’t go to the trouble of expressing on top of feeding your youngest just so that the oldest could have some milk. That seems to me like more effort than the potential breastmilk specific benefits are worth. But if the milk is already there in the freezer then you may as well use it rather than have to throw it away.

@ThirdElephant I thought cows milk has a higher fat content as one of the concerns is that FF babies have a risk of being overweight? I could be wrong though

I think I am going To just use it in the bath. This thread has been really interesting to me to see what other people thought. It has made me questions the ‘life long’ benefits of breastfeeding though as I’m guessing the immune factor is only there whilst actually feeding?

I wonder why we drink cows milk in adulthood? Although I suppose we could never supply a nation with BReastmilk. Think I’m a bit tired 😂

There's no reason to feel guilty about not breastfeeding. The benefits are very much overstated in a bid to make women feel guilty for not doing it. Fed is best.
Many women end up feeling guilty because they want to breastfeed and then after months of hearing the benefits of breastfeeding, the lack of support available to women is awful in some areas. This means that instead of a woman feeling empowered to make whatever informed feeding choice is right for them and their child, they end up unsupported should they choose to breastfeed. Many women stop sooner than they would like and that's also quite complicated and linked to lack of support. There's also fewer women who breastfeed so there's a lack of community knowledge to support and advise. Then add in that certain companies actively undermine women's efforts to breastfeeding with misleading information in order to boost profits.
It becomes clear that after months of being rightly told about the benefits of breastfeeding, it can be really hard for women to feel supported in making making choice to breastfeeding if that's what they want to do.

Being told the benefits of breastfeeding isn't done to guilt trip women for making different feeding choices. They're told because breastmilk is best

Fed is a basic expectation of being a parent. Fed is best as a phrase sounds nice, but misses the meaning of the word 'best. Do you also believe any food on a plate is of equal nutritional value? I doubt it.

OP shouldn't be feeling guilty for how she fed her child, I agree, but the idea that the benefits of breastfeeding are exaggerated to guilt mums and there's no difference between human milk and cow milk is silly.

My older dc were curious to try my breastmilk when youngest dc was a baby. I expressed into a cup to let them taste. They all liked it, but only one wanted to go on drinking it. I wouldn't have minded giving her more, but unfortunately I could only allow tastes as my supply was never good, so of course I prioritised the baby.

I, too, struggled to feed dc1 (ended up supplementing bottles with breast). TBH it was a struggle to establish bfing with all my babies, but all after dc1 ended up being almost exclusively breastfed until weaning, and I continued bfing them well into toddlerhood.

There is no need to feel guilty. Breastfeeding may be natural, but that doesn't mean it comes naturally to all of us, or even that it is easy! You did your best for your dc1, and gave her what she needed: food and cherishing.

Re the risk of ff babies being over weight. I believe that is because your body adapts breastmilk in quantity and quality to the current baby's needs, so it is very difficult for the baby to over-feed. But formula is more static in its make-up, and, because you can see how much the baby has taken, it can be easy for the parent to slip into the habit of encouraging the baby to finish the bottle, rather than letting the baby stop when she chooses to.

Give your toddler a taste if you like, give her more if she likes, and don't give a dam if others are judgemental. You're doing fine.

@ThirdElephant yeah I’d like to see a source for that information too - because it’s in direct contradiction of everything I’ve ever read about immunological benefits. From what I understand, the older the child is and naturally feeds less and less, the immune factors in the mothers breastmilk actually become more concentrated in order for the child to receive maximum benefit.

@Bluntness100

Op, breast milk has a higher fat content than cows milk. There really isn’t much info out there for someone who starts feeding a three year old breast milk when they haven’t had it previously, but there is plenty of research saying the benefits of continuing breast feeding in older children the health benefits are disagreed by scejntists, in fact they mostly universally agree that after three months the health benefits are very limited and the most you will do is ward off the occasional ear infection.

The benefits are more in the bonding and comfort of breast feeding

Giving your formula fed child cups of breast milk at three is not going to give them magical immunity, but it’s not something really researched as it’s not a common thing to do.

Howver the benefit is it might help you mentally.

Where are you getting this information? What is your source for "breast milk has very limited benefits beyond 3 months"?

Breastmilk has a higher fat content than cows milk. They have to add extra fat to formula to make it suitable for newborns. Formula fed babies are more at risk of being overweight because it’s easy to try to overfeed them when they have actually had enough because you can see how much they’re drinking or not drinking, and it’s less effort for the baby to feed from a bottle rather than from the breast.

And OP, I get the guilt. I really do. But having said that…
I breastfed DC1 directly for only a few days, then combi-fed expressed breastmilk and formula for 4 months before switching to just formula.
DC2 had a very rough start in life and needed special medical formula to keep him alive. Breastfeeding simply wasn’t an option after the first few weeks.
DC3 breastfed for 28 months and never had a drop of formula.
Unless I told you which child was which, you’d never know!!

@LolaSmiles but they never actually quantify the overall benefit which is negligible. I think if they did, mums that couldn’t bf wouldn’t feel as bad. But instead they list all these incredible sounding benefits without quantifying them.

@Bluntness100

Op, breast milk has a higher fat content than cows milk. There really isn’t much info out there for someone who starts feeding a three year old breast milk when they haven’t had it previously, but there is plenty of research saying the benefits of continuing breast feeding in older children the health benefits are disagreed by scejntists, in fact they mostly universally agree that after three months the health benefits are very limited and the most you will do is ward off the occasional ear infection.

The benefits are more in the bonding and comfort of breast feeding

Giving your formula fed child cups of breast milk at three is not going to give them magical immunity, but it’s not something really researched as it’s not a common thing to do.

Howver the benefit is it might help you mentally.

This is a load of rubbish. Any sources for your sweeping statement there?

Here is what the WHO has to say on it

apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/79198/9789241505307_eng.pdf;jsessionid=74255481D562FD99B9F745F7B33A2E62?sequence=1

Scroll to the bottom for the conclusions which are fewer allergies and some increase in IQ

@SamanthaJol2

Has anybody else not breastfed all of their children for whatever reason?

Of course ! In the UK, 80% of babies are breast fed at birth, so 20% of babies are never breastfed. And they all do fine . My two children were never breast fed - now I have two healthy adult children . The idea that you somehow failed your older child is just silly. Please stop beating yourself up over something that didn't do any harm at all.

OP, it's definitely fine to give it to her, and there likely will be some benefit from doing it, however small. People are very very weird about breastmilk in this country, and tend to react like it is something disgusting, as though you have suggested that you feed her your menstrual blood or something. It's just an emotional reaction and doesn't come from a place of experience or informed knowledge.

She is your child, she is not old enough to be embarrassed or upset by the concept, there is nothing more natural than a child getting breastmilk from their mother, in any format. Many 3 year olds are still being breastfed - my first was, and my second only stopped at just before 3 and still occasionally asks if he can have some. I don't let him, because I don't want to latch him on any more, but if I could express and didn't need it for my baby then he could have some expressed milk.

As long as you and she are comfortable it is absolutely fine. Ignore anybody who says otherwise, as it is none of their business.

as though you have suggested that you feed her your menstrual blood or something.

Did you have to? I feel quite ill now.

Also, you might find the book "Why breastfeeding grief and trauma matter" by Prof Amy Brown to be very helpful and healing.

No, it's not a failure not to breastfeed, but it's certainly not uncommon to feel guilty. That guilt is misplaced but it is still helpful to process it as it is generally related to grief and loss, not of a bereavement of course, but of that breastfeeding relationship. If it feels important to you then it is important and it can help very much to process those feelings and hear that other people have them as well.

Well, sorry, but some people genuinely do seem to feel this level of discomfort with breastmilk and it isn't a fair assessment of it. It's just milk.

I can understand that you might want to give some of your breastmilk to your DD to alleviate your guilt, but for one thing your guilt is misplaced — there is no need to feel guilty for breastfeeding or not your children differently. For another thing doing this would probably not benefit your DD health-wise, although I doubt it would do your DD any harm either.

If you have oversupply, have you considered donating your excess milk to a milk bank? There, it might benefit another mum and baby more than it would benefit your DD’s health.

@BertieBotts

Well, sorry, but some people genuinely do seem to feel this level of discomfort with breastmilk and it isn't a fair assessment of it. It's just milk.

Where? Can you quote from this thread? Most of the posts are supportive as far as I can see.

(The immune benefits of breastmilk are not the same regardless of age. By the time your DD is 3 she will already have been exposed to lots of the germs that infant breastfeeding would have protected her from, ITSWIM. This is why breastfeeding is considered more critical the younger the baby is. If the immune benefits were the same regardless age you would have adults drinking it.)

@LolaSmiles but they never actually quantify the overall benefit which is negligible. I think if they did, mums that couldn’t bf wouldn’t feel as bad. But instead they list all these incredible sounding benefits without quantifying them.
The poster said that benefits of breastfeeding are exaggerated in order to guilt women who don't breastfeed though.

If you're interested in research though, there's links through here to a range of studies.
www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/news-and-research/baby-friendly-research/

Another thing to consider each time people refuse to accept that human milk might be better for human babies is that formula companies are spending huge amounts of money on breastmilk research. If their formula was as good as breastmilk then they'd not waste their time on more research. If formula was as good as breastmilk then companies such as Tommee Tippee wouldn't be actively undermining breastfeeding.

A lot of the couldn't breastfeed is down to lack of support, lack of breastfeeding awareness in the community, lack of support for infants with tongue tie, some HCP quick to suggest topping up with formula before supply has become established, advertising that actively spreads misinformation about feeding, plus women who chose not to breastfeed continuing to push the idea that there's no difference, just give them a bottle, and saying 'fed is best' when a woman shares she's having a bumpy ride when the woman could equally benefit from a cup of tea with someone who can give some tips about latch and positioning.

I'm all for informed choices and women doing what is right for them: formula or breastfeeding. I just don't see why people feel the need to minimise the fact that human milk is best for human babies.

FWIW I combi fed mine.

@LolaSmiles so basically nobody said breast milk was gross, you’re projecting and now arguing with yourself?