AIBU to give older child breast milk?

[SamanthaJol2]

I completely failed to BF my DD and seem to have lots of excess milk with my DS, would it be ok to give my daughter expressed BM to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for failing her?

I was unable to feed DC1 but have so far done 11 months with DC2, much easier birth and much more support with DC2.
DC1 was recently unwell and I put breastmilk into a smoothie for him, the way I saw it, it couldn't do any harm.
Don't beat yourself for not breastfeeding DC1, by the time they start school no one will know how a child was fed.

@Mollie12

I think I just want to be the ‘perfect’ mum..doesn’t everybody? Or does it not exist in reality?

There’s more than one type of ‘good’ mother.

What do posters mean by not getting any benefit? And can they explain the benefits of cows’ milk (or others) that are superior for a 3 year old?

Yes. Breast milk will do your child good although it your body will be tailoring to the needs of the child who is on the breast.

Breast milk doesn't lose its value because of the child's age, it's just their bodies are now able to digest, and need food.

@SamanthaJol2

Has anybody else not breastfed all of their children for whatever reason?

I didn't breastfeed any of mine (I have 3) I tried with all but I couldn't. You did not fail! Not sure what point there would be to giving her it now though.

@Motherdare

What do posters mean by not getting any benefit? And can they explain the benefits of cows’ milk (or others) that are superior for a 3 year old?

It's more that they don't need the breastmilk for nutrion because they are getting nutrition from other sources.

Who said it’s abnormal?

Society. This thread wouldn't exist otherwise.

My sister breastfed both of hers and they are both ill all of the time.

Absolutely no correlation.

Just wanted to say you didn’t fail her, you did your best at that moment in time, it’s all anyone including your daughter could ever ask for.

Yanbu to try and give her some in a cup, it’s meant to have immune system benefits so why not! More ‘natural’ for her to have than cows milk. Just be prepared and might not like it, i breastfed my daughter til 21 months (milk dried up in second pregnancy) and when feeding my second she wanted some, she can’t latch anymore so I gave her a little in a cup, she took one sip and said bleugh yucky and tipped it on the floor

Can you help me with something. I read somewhere that it is better to breastfeed when you smoke. Does that mean it is better to smoke and breastfeed then to not smoke and formula feed or is it because breastfeeding helps with all the effects of smoking?

@SamanthaJol2

Can you help me with something. I read somewhere that it is better to breastfeed when you smoke. Does that mean it is better to smoke and breastfeed then to not smoke and formula feed or is it because breastfeeding helps with all the effects of smoking?

I would be gobsmacked if any medical professional preferred you to smoke and breastfeed over non smoking and formula!

@user97533676

Who said it’s abnormal?

Society. This thread wouldn't exist otherwise.

Why?

I can only assume the smoking and breastfeeding thing is because smoking raises the chances of SIDs whilst breastfeeding lowers it?

And I would also assume that it is not to say breastfeeding and smoking is at all better than formula feeding and not smoking?

The smoking thing is because smoking massively increases the risk of SIDS. Breastfeeding reduces the risk a bit. It is thought this small protection against SIDS is more important than avoiding the nicotine etc that passes through the milk. A formula fed baby of a non-smoker is far less at risk if SIDs than a smoker's baby however they are fed.

OP some people worry about passing on things from the cigarettes via breastmilk. But IF you do smoke, the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh any downsides.
However this absolutely does not mean that smoking and breastfeeding is better than not smoking and formula feeding. For a start, that’s a stupid thing to compare because that’s not how the choices work. All women should be encouraged to breastfeed and all women should be strongly urged to quit smoking. No one has to make a choice between smoking and breastfeeding or not smoking and formula feeding. That’s just not how it works, they are two separate decisions and two separate sets of possible reasons why it might be difficult to follow the ideal.
If you’re a smoker OP, quitting will be hugely beneficial for your 3year olds health, your newborn’s health and your own health. If you’re not, that’s fantastic, you’re already setting both your children up for a healthy childhood.
kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/smoking/

I think you must have the smoking and breastfeeding quote out of context. Nobody is choosing breastfeeding and smoking vs non smoking and formula feeding, that doesn't make sense because those decisions aren't linked.

So in the case of a mum who has chosen to smoke but is deciding whether or not to breastfeed or not, breastfeeding is better. It has nothing to do with her smoking, but smoking + bf is better than smoking + no bf.

It would not be possible to quantify the harms of smoking in a way that directly compares to the benefits of breastfeeding, so you can't say that one cancels out the other because we just don't know and there is no way to measure it.

But please I think you need to look at getting support with your feelings over being a perfect mum, breastfeeding guilt etc if you are worrying over little details like this. It's starting to sound more like post natal anxiety which is very common and there is support available for it.

@SamanthaJol2

Has anybody else not breastfed all of their children for whatever reason?

Yes, many women.

@SamanthaJol2

Can you help me with something. I read somewhere that it is better to breastfeed when you smoke. Does that mean it is better to smoke and breastfeed then to not smoke and formula feed or is it because breastfeeding helps with all the effects of smoking?

Yeah, your posts are getting more and more bizarre. You think formula milk is as bad as smoking. You’re offending other mothers now.

If you’re really having this much anxiety about the whole bf situation, speak to your GP. Phone HV for reassurance and advice as well.

In OPs defence I have seen the line ‘it’s Better to smoke and breastfeed than to not breastfeed at all’ all over the place on Fb breastfeeding support groups, it’s not OP being confrontational.. I’ve seen it in response to mums who smoke asking if breastfeeding is safe, it’s a pretty common response

OP you sound like you might be having obsessive thoughts. I had postnatal OCD and obsessively worried about things that seemed irrational to others. Do talk to your GP if you feel it would help.

OP you have to look forward now. That part of feeding is over for your first child. Hold your head up high and be proud you've got this far. Don't get wrapped up in the Facebook smoking/breastfeeding thing it's all a load of crap

I breastfed three of my four children and formula fed one of them. Nobody would know looking at my family which one was the formula fed one. They are all lovely kids, I love them all equally and they are all loving back. It’s clear from science that breast milk is better than formula from a nutritional perspective, but I don’t believe any of the bonding stuff. I’ve bonded just as equally with my formula fed child as the others and my husband has bonded with all of them and obviously didn’t breastfeed any of them!

I think the media and the whole ‘breast is best’ campaign places a huge amount of pressure on mums to breastfeed and leaves us all with guilt if it doesn’t work out. I felt guilty for years about my ‘failure’ but I’m fine about it now.

I've read the whole thread op, and just going back to the original question; yes, giving your spare breast milk to your 3 year old is a great idea. She may not like it, but she may love it and then yes, it's a lovely idea to have it now. Milk is still recommended as part of a varied diet for this age group, and of course your own milk is a more appropriate source of this than any other source, if possible and you are both willing. I started giving my 3 yr old DD expressed milk that was superfluous to my baby DS's requirements too. She was breastfed until 2 years old, but hadn't had any for a year. She started having it again and loved it. Now, when she asks for milk, I ask her if she'd prefer my milk or cows milk, and sometimes it's one and sometimes the other! She likes both.

But do let go of the guilt. Your daughter is happy and healthy and your bond with her would be no different now if you had breastfed her. If giving her breast milk now would help you come to terms with your issues, then this is another bonus. And in the current covid climate, the benefits will be exaggerated. Go for it!

One thing that helped me feel less guilty was trying to feed my kids healthily now, making sure they get variety and healthy food and no junk. I can’t go back in time, I can only look forward and that’s perhaps what you should do now.

Its never better to smoke. I think it may have meant that if you smoke, bf will help make it less risky? Can't see it making a big difference though.

And you absolutely haven't failed your child by not breastfeeding. There are loads of benefits but they're only significant on a population level not between your two children.

And yes I would use breast milk in weetabix or similar for your older child if you've some to use up and it will make you feel better, my dd used to love breast milk weetabix. Can also put it in the bath, its great for their skin at any age