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Annoyed at this message from my Sister about my child.
286

Lou2284 · 28/12/2021 00:35

This is a message my sister sent me about my 7 year old DD.

"I just wanna say like I've noticed a certain someone screaming a lot more and I don't think it's appropriate especially in places like where there is mum who is tired and sick and also grandma.

I just feel like it's important to express that people scream in threatening situations and not for attention. Maybe you can take the phone from her for a day or something or send her to a room if she does it.

I dunno have you spoken to her about it yet?
Hope u don't think I'm overstepping any boundaries , just think it's important to say as an Auntie that there needs to be some discipline. Don't want them to think that screaming is an appropriate form of expression rather than using actual words..."

This message really got my back up, yes she was loud and she has started to try and assert her presence. I just found the message rude?
Interested in opinions.....

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Anordinarymum · 28/12/2021 00:37

Why is your 7 year old screaming like that?

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FabianK · 28/12/2021 00:39

What’s rude about it?

The fact you think it could be rude is annoying in itself when your sister has clearly tried to word it as politely and cautiously as possible.

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YerAWizardHarry · 28/12/2021 00:40

My son is a bit older but I’d be absolutely mortified if he was screaming in any situation that wasn’t pain/fear

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Hawkins001 · 28/12/2021 00:41

What's the background context to the situation ?

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TopCatsTopHat · 28/12/2021 00:41

It isn't normal for a 7yo to scream their communication.
She has probably sent her concerns by message so as to avoid putting you on the spot and give you time to think about it.
She has tried to be diplomatic but it is a tricky topic, but your dd is affecting others and she feels someone should let you know.
You aren't reflecting on any of the substance of her message only that you find it rude. It is bound to ruffle anyone's feathers to get a message about their child, but based purely on the information in your op I'd suggest to give it some thought before you dismiss it and concentrate on being offended. Screaming isn't asserting yourself it is anti social. Your dd needs guidance in how to assert herself constructively if that is what you believe is behind her behaviour

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SnobblyBobbly · 28/12/2021 00:42

Does her presence need to be asserted? Surely a nicer way to show your presence in company would be to have a nice chat with someone.

I can see why it’s annoyed you but I think she’s tried to put a difficult message over quite nicely.

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HelloNope · 28/12/2021 00:43

Why is she screaming?

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lechatnoir · 28/12/2021 00:43

I'd say it was quite tactful and carefully worded. Is there a reason your 7 year old is screaming & when she does it, what are the consequences?

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JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 28/12/2021 00:43

My three year old is told off for screaming, your seven year old shouldn't be doing it unless in pain or frightened. Your sister has been very polite and it sounds as though the behaviour was on the company of people struggling with health issues which makes it even worse

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TheOccupier · 28/12/2021 00:43

A 7 yo who has her own phone and who screams to get her own way? Yikes. Listen to your sister, she's only said what everyone else is thinking.

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Tinty · 28/12/2021 00:43

It sounds like your sister is right and a 7 year old screaming to assert her presence, should be told to not scream but to talk about what she would like without screaming.

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OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 28/12/2021 00:43

All of the above

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DropYourSword · 28/12/2021 00:44

Sounds like your child was screaming a lot and you weren’t doing anything about it, in which case it seems like a fairly reasonable message to send.

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HunkyPunk · 28/12/2021 00:44

Maybe you can take the phone from her for a day

Does your 7yr old have a phone?

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ChudraWouldaShouldya · 28/12/2021 00:45

She’s right! Screaming isn’t an appropriate method of communication in general!

Why is she screaming?

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MysteriousMonkey · 28/12/2021 00:45

Is the a reason for the screaming op, it does seem strange in a 7 year old. I don't think any of mine screamed for no reason at that age and some of mine have had very odd habitsConfused

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Meandmini3 · 28/12/2021 00:45

7 year olds doesn’t scream to assert her presenceHmm

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WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 28/12/2021 00:45

@TheOccupier

A 7 yo who has her own phone and who screams to get her own way? Yikes. Listen to your sister, she's only said what everyone else is thinking.

Yep
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PersonaNonGarter · 28/12/2021 00:46

She may have a point?

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HeronLanyon · 28/12/2021 00:47

Reading it i would find her suggestion of your punishment to be the only things that went too far.

Other than that this is your sister raising a legit concern and trying really hard to do it sensitively. Cut her some slack. Thank her and why not get your heads together and try to work out what’s going on with the screaming.

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lynntheyresexswappers · 28/12/2021 00:48

I have a 7 yo DD and a 4 yo DS - neither scream "to make presence known", only in fear or if they are hurt. Why are you letting her scream when she feels like it? Clearly it's an issue. She's worded it well, and it needs addressing. It must be awful for everyone else around her when she's screaming for no reason!

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JohnSmithDrive · 28/12/2021 00:49

Are you offended because you know there's some truth in it?

It's not a message I'd have sent, sensitive subjects are rarely dealt with well by text, but it does sound like it's a conversation that needs to be had.

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Vapeyvapevape · 28/12/2021 00:50

Is your dd NT ? if so screaming is not appropriate.

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LifeAdvice · 28/12/2021 00:50

A bit of backstory is needed, but if your child is screaming in public and/or where there are more elderly members of the family, then yes, I agree with the content of her message and you need to work on this.

Was the message rude, like you ask? The tone, and fact that it is a text, suggest it was a difficult text for her to write, that she was worried she would overstep boundaries, but due to the severity of the behaviour felt it was more important to risk that with a text, than not.

Your response also suggests you don’t believe there is a problem, and that you find negative comments/suggestions about your child unwelcome and rude. Which makes me think that it would be difficult to have this conversation with you face-to-face.

So no, I don’t think she is rude, she is probably texting what your mother and grandmother are too polite to do so, because the don’t want to rock the boat.

And whilst you didn’t ask for it, I think you need to take on board her suggestions and create some boundaries with your child.

Finally, I think you should text your sister back: “Thanks [name], I know that must have been a difficult text to write, but I am grateful my sister will always tell me the truth, even if it is hard to hear. I’ll think over what you say, and try and come up with a solution. Parenting is a bit hard right now as Miss 7 certainly has her own personality now! But She and I will work on this. Love you.”

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FallonCarringtonWannabe · 28/12/2021 00:51

Im waiting for the massive drip feed about SEN as to why a 7 yr old is screaming.

Maybe you can take the phone from her for a day that’s specific. What are the issues with her phone?

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