Annoyed at this message from my Sister about my child.

[Lou2284]

This is a message my sister sent me about my 7 year old DD.

"I just wanna say like I've noticed a certain someone screaming a lot more and I don't think it's appropriate especially in places like where there is mum who is tired and sick and also grandma.

I just feel like it's important to express that people scream in threatening situations and not for attention. Maybe you can take the phone from her for a day or something or send her to a room if she does it.

I dunno have you spoken to her about it yet?
Hope u don't think I'm overstepping any boundaries , just think it's important to say as an Auntie that there needs to be some discipline. Don't want them to think that screaming is an appropriate form of expression rather than using actual words..."

This message really got my back up, yes she was loud and she has started to try and assert her presence. I just found the message rude?
Interested in opinions.....

yes she was loud and she has started to try and assert her presence

This is toddler behaviour, not what a 7 year old should start to be doing, unless SEN, as PP have said. Screaming is really hard to listen to. It's up to parents to stop this.

I would really dislike her saying "A certain someone". That really grates on me.

However I agree with everyone else about the screaming. It is unusual for a 7 year old to scream to "assert her presence". It comes across as if you do nothing to stop the screaming which must be absolutely awful for everyone around you.

@SimpsonsXmasBoogie

I would really dislike her saying "A certain someone". That really grates on me.

However I agree with everyone else about the screaming. It is unusual for a 7 year old to scream to "assert her presence". It comes across as if you do nothing to stop the screaming which must be absolutely awful for everyone around you.

The "certain someone" grated on me as well.

As it grated on me that her sister didn't know her niece doesn't own a phone and according to the OP's update she doesn't scream.

I think too many people are just reacting to "screaming kid" and not the way the aunt is behaving after only two posts from the OP.

@Alondra

I don't know if you've answered her text yet, if you haven't something like this will be appropriate.I will answer:

"Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

Please don’t say this. It’s passive aggressive, patronising, and avoids the issue.

Firstly, is your sister right? Is your child screaming all the time? If so, is the context appropriate? If she’s running round a park playing and exciting game with her friends then a bit of screaming isn’t unusual. If she’s in someone’s living room screaming because she can’t watch a TV show then that’s something and needs to stop. Have you ever noticed her screaming or been concerned about it?

DifferentHair

Your sister is being rude. And massively overstepping IMO.

It's one thing to say (as in say it in person) 'hey sis, tell Zoe to quieten down please, it's too much for mum and grandma.'

But the little lecture and the suggested punishments, and opining on there 'needing to be discipline' and when screaming is allowed is overstepping.

That's parenting and it's your right to take whatever approach you want. Where your choices impact her eg-'woah, sis- Zoe's shouting is driving me mad can you please take her outside' or someone vulnerable eg 'mums unwell, that noise isn't helping' - then it's totally within her lane to say something. But she shouldn't tell you how to parent, that's obnoxious.

IMO- there are few things more annoying than someone who should know better screaming their heads off in public. But if you want to raise someone who does that, I don't think it's your sisters business apart from how it impacts her.

@DifferentHair I completely agree with you.

Just because screaming is not considered appropriate behaviour for a 7 year old does not justify or make it right or appropriate to undermine a parent, lecture them on how to parent better or justify engaging in parent shaming.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

*Please don’t say this. It’s passive aggressive, patronising, and avoids the issue.

Firstly, is your sister right? Is your child screaming all the time? If so, is the context appropriate? If she’s running round a park playing and exciting game with her friends then a bit of screaming isn’t unusual. If she’s in someone’s living room screaming because she can’t watch a TV show then that’s something and needs to stop. Have you ever noticed her screaming or been concerned about it?*

It's answering in kind to her sister's text. Passive agressive, patronising and couldn't refer to her nice by name except "certain someone". There is nothing more patronsing and passive agressive that referring to a person, let alone a 7 year old kid, as a non existing person without a name.

Frankly, fuck her. She is an adult. If she wants to discuss issues about her niece who is only 7 y.o. she needs to know more about her, be kinder and approach her sister about it from a place of concern.

Alondra
I don't know if you've answered her text yet, if you haven't something like this will be appropriate.I will answer:

"Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

@Alondra I see what you’ve done there. You have given an example of an inappropriate text to highlight exactly how inappropriate the Op’s sister’s text really is.

@Alondra I agree that referring to a person as ‘a certain someone’ is incredibly rude and quite nasty actually.

@ImustLearn2Cook

Alondra I don't know if you've answered her text yet, if you haven't something like this will be appropriate.I will answer:

"Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

@Alondra I see what you’ve done there. You have given an example of an inappropriate text to highlight exactly how inappropriate the Op’s sister’s text really is.

ImustLearn2Cook

Right on

@Lou2284 Your sister was rude. Ignore her. She clearly has her own behavioural issues that she needs to work on first before she tries to instruct anyone else.

[quote ImustLearn2Cook]@Alondra I agree that referring to a person as ‘a certain someone’ is incredibly rude and quite nasty actually.[/quote]
It was nasty specially coming from the aunt of a seven 7 old. This is not how caring people behave.

Alondras text is daft and teenage. Immediately going on the attack is not helpful. I can see why op is upset I would be too and the phraseology is annoying yes. However if they are generally decent and loving with your best interests at heart I think you have to take the comment on board and change your approach on this - your current parenting isn’t working.

It’s not fair on your Dd either you need to guide her to fit in to society - currently other adults who presumably love her are finding her annoying and Duffy to be around to the extent they’ve broken social mores and actually said something

I really suggest that before you do anything else, consider if your daughter's behavior could be causing distress to people around her. If your child might actually be raising her voice more than is appropriate, only you have the authority to help her to become properly socialized. Your sister's words might be a gift, though an uncomfortable one to receive.

I have a friend whose DD is very screechy and loud all the time. I find it hard to be around and my friend lets it happen. Its rude and unpleasant. OP I presume you don't want people to avoid you or talk behind your back about how annoying your DD is so I would take your sisters advice and deal with it. She's done you a favour.

Regardless of if she's right, in real life I don't know anyone who wouldn't find such a message rude and patronizing in the extreme. I'd tell her just that personally. If the child was impacting a family member in the moment would have been the time for them to tactfully offer support or a gentle carefully worded suggestion if truly necessary.

Honestly speaking, I have picked up on the screaming once, I have only seen her do it once. I have asked her to please give me an example because we were there on Christmas day and I just didnt see her screaming. I'm assuming that she means loud??? I really don't know. When I said in my previous post that she screams to assert her presence that was in that one incident that I mentioned above.

• It's one thing to say (as in say it in person) 'hey sis, tell Zoe to quieten down please, it's too much for mum and grandma.'

But the little lecture and the suggested punishments, and opining on there 'needing to be discipline' and when screaming is allowed is overstepping. *

^^this exactly

@Lou2284

Honestly speaking, I have picked up on the screaming once, I have only seen her do it once. I have asked her to please give me an example because we were there on Christmas day and I just didnt see her screaming. I'm assuming that she means loud??? I really don't know. When I said in my previous post that she screams to assert her presence that was in that one incident that I mentioned above.

Kids are loud. It's not how we would like them to be from day one, but they do. It's a part of a maturity process.

The fact your sister couldn't give you an example and referred to your daughter as "certain someone" tells its own story.

Don't accept parenting advice from a sister that can't discuss issues with you face to face. It doesn't look like she has much knowlege of kids, is close to you or your daughter.

A 7 year old shouldn't be screaming or have a phone. Listen to your sister she is right

She doesn't have a phone. I allow her to use mine sometimes

“Screaming” means different things to different people, especially as I’m guessing your sister has no kids of her own so no real idea what is normal behaviour for a child or not. Are you worried? Are your child’s teachers worried? Does she seem to be out of control, be unable to calm down, be hitting her head on the ground or panic attacks or uncontrollable rage or is it just lots of energy and running around? If you have any concerns there’s no harm in an assessment just for peace of mind and to make sure your child gets any assistance if she needs it.

@Alondra

*Ffs op don't do this. Why do people post things like this? Your sister has tried to talk to you about something that's an issue and she's obviously text because she's wanted to word it carefully. Your dd shouldn't be screaming especially if your DM is ill. Op you must know she's got a point if DD is "loud and trying to assert her presence". She's not a toddler and needs to learn how to behave in public*

No. Her sister is being passive agressive and completly immature on how to raise the issue. If she is concerned about her niece, she should talk with her sister in person and not thru a text message. This is what communication between emotional mature adults and people that care for each other do.

Emotionally mature adults don't act like children and correct grammatical errors in a text message. Especially, when the person is raising a valid point. It screams 'I know you are right, but but but I am going to attack you and ignore the point because I am nor mature enough to deal with it'.

Its a text. Not a dissertation.

@Lou2284 why is your daughter trying to assert her dominance and over who? If she is loud and it's disturbing people, especially someone who is sick, you need to out a stop to it.

I can't really comment on the 'asserting dominance' because I am hoping, you just worded this badly.

@TequilaStories

“Screaming” means different things to different people, especially as I’m guessing your sister has no kids of her own so no real idea what is normal behaviour for a child or not. Are you worried? Are your child’s teachers worried? Does she seem to be out of control, be unable to calm down, be hitting her head on the ground or panic attacks or uncontrollable rage or is it just lots of energy and running around? If you have any concerns there’s no harm in an assessment just for peace of mind and to make sure your child gets any assistance if she needs it.

Why are we jumping to an assessment, rather than a child just misbehaving?

Funny how OP just totally ignored everyone's responses to say the screaming needs to be stopped......
Parents need to parent and teach children whats acceptable. Screaming is not acceptable.

I think this has annoyed you because it’s true. Don’t stay mad at your sister. Just take it and make it into something positive. There are some great books you could read, ( setting limits for your strong willed child is brilliant) nobody wants to be a strict parent but if your daughter doesn’t know how to behave, then she won’t have any friends. All the best.