Annoyed at this message from my Sister about my child.

[Lou2284]

This is a message my sister sent me about my 7 year old DD.

"I just wanna say like I've noticed a certain someone screaming a lot more and I don't think it's appropriate especially in places like where there is mum who is tired and sick and also grandma.

I just feel like it's important to express that people scream in threatening situations and not for attention. Maybe you can take the phone from her for a day or something or send her to a room if she does it.

I dunno have you spoken to her about it yet?
Hope u don't think I'm overstepping any boundaries , just think it's important to say as an Auntie that there needs to be some discipline. Don't want them to think that screaming is an appropriate form of expression rather than using actual words..."

This message really got my back up, yes she was loud and she has started to try and assert her presence. I just found the message rude?
Interested in opinions.....

Were you in the cisteme chapel!

Otherwise it sounds off for dcs

Sometimes a person feels offended because they may feel criticized, and cannot understand there is constructive criticism. A mother bear instinct to attack any attack(or something misconstrued as an attack) upon your dc. Your sister sounded like she was trying to be helpful. Her intentions seem transparent, and innocent of any ill intent.

OP I think it would help if you gave more context here. Is she screaming as in literally or being loud/shouting? Is it a recent issue? Is she upset when it happens? You say she doesn’t just stand there screaming, so what is it that your daughter is doing that’s causing your sister to message you? Some harsh responses here which may be justified as I think we all agree that 7 year olds shouldn’t be screaming but it sounds like you need to give more details as we can’t decode the situation.

Your sister is very polite. There is no need for screaming and especially not from a 7yo (neurodivergence excepted, obvs.). Bollocks to she has started to try and assert her presence, it's rude, irritating, painful for some, anxiety inducing for others and if you don't nip it in the bud, you run the risk of your DD being considered an annoying brat.

Sounds like your 7 year old might need firmer parenting if she is screaming and annoying others in your family so often that it’s getting commented on. No one likes to hear their kid is being a naughty brat, but let’s face it most kids have their behavioural issues from time to time, it’s pretty normal.

However sometimes when you’re used to the behaviour you don’t notice it like others do. If you are able to stop feeling insulted and angry at your sister’s comments maybe there’s more truth to it than you’re comfortable admitting?

I don't know if you've answered her text yet, if you haven't something like this will be appropriate.I will answer:

"Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

I live behind a kids park, some kids scream when over excited. I completely understand that they are over excited, but it still gets on my tits.

One of my step kids would scream when excited because she didn’t know how to express her excitement. We reflected on it and realised that we would have a boring week and then a too exciting weekend that was too much for her to manage. So we took her to an activity during the week and (almost like a dog) exercised her on a weekend before seeing family so she calmed down and then she learnt to handle herself better. It sounds awful that we had an issue with her but she was very full on before with extreme emotions, she would go from laughing, to screaming, to crying which can’t have been enjoyable for her either!

@Alondra

I don't know if you've answered her text yet, if you haven't something like this will be appropriate.I will answer:

"Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

Ffs op don't do this. Why do people post things like this? Your sister has tried to talk to you about something that's an issue and she's obviously text because she's wanted to word it carefully. Your dd shouldn't be screaming especially if your DM is ill. Op you must know she's got a point if DD is "loud and trying to assert her presence". She's not a toddler and needs to learn how to behave in public.

Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

Yea attack the spelling and not the issue

Your sister is being rude. And massively overstepping IMO.

It's one thing to say (as in say it in person) 'hey sis, tell Zoe to quieten down please, it's too much for mum and grandma.'

But the little lecture and the suggested punishments, and opining on there 'needing to be discipline' and when screaming is allowed is overstepping.

That's parenting and it's your right to take whatever approach you want. Where your choices impact her eg-'woah, sis- Zoe's shouting is driving me mad can you please take her outside' or someone vulnerable eg 'mums unwell, that noise isn't helping' - then it's totally within her lane to say something. But she shouldn't tell you how to parent, that's obnoxious.

IMO- there are few things more annoying than someone who should know better screaming their heads off in public. But if you want to raise someone who does that, I don't think it's your sisters business apart from how it impacts her.

I’m actually wondering if OP meant 7 month old as thats a normal age for babies to find their voice and start yelling all over the place.

@Alondra

I don't know if you've answered her text yet, if you haven't something like this will be appropriate.I will answer:

"Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

Saying something like this will make OP sound like a teenager or an idiot, or someone who spent 15 mins with a dictionary and spell check.

Why does a 7 year old have a phone?

Screaming kids. I can’t stand that. Once mine get rowdy it’s time to brush teeth and get ready for bed.
Particularly bad if there are people not well and a screaming child. Listen to your sister because she’s probably got a good point.

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

I’m actually wondering if OP meant 7 month old as thats a normal age for babies to find their voice and start yelling all over the place.

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry, I must have skip read the OP's OP, as I did read it as 7 months old, and I was getting quite angry on OP's behalf that her sister was berating her over a 7 month old screaming. I thought instead of telling her off, her sister should have been offering to babysit her niece, so that her sister could get a break and a rest. It was only when I read some of the OP's replies and checked again that I saw that her DD was 7 years old...

Maybe if this sentence ‘ Hope u don't think I'm overstepping any boundaries’ had been first you might have interpreted the message differently?

Your sister is doing you a favour - maybe a heavy handed one - by offering you an opportunity to reflect upon how your DD behaves in a family situation. Are you getting similar feedback from school?

A 7yo who is loud is old enough to be told to keep the noise down & not to shout or scream when they would like to say something. Also at 7yo they can understand that people take turns in conversations & that some conversations are adults only (& likewise children only). I wonder how a 7yo learns or needs to assert their presence within the family?

Maybe the comment about your mother’s (& grandmother’s) health is the context - that your DD is too loud for them at this time & that she is not their primary interest.

As I mentioned, your sister as her Aunt has offered your DD (via you as her proxy) some guidance about how to behave.

By discipline, I assume that she means that you guide your DD & that her message is your family guiding you about the best for your DD. But maybe in your family, discipline is a sharper corrective?

Yes, you may well find her message rude…because you have been very softly nudged, or rather disciplined yourself, by the women in your family. Please reflect upon why it feels rude.

Me, as Auntie to many, I always say this stuff - because aunties/uncles/grandparents et al all have a part in raising the next generation - directly & gently in person as a suggestion & allow time to discuss. I’d find the txt msg annoying/rude, as a phone call or meeting up would be more personal.

Some people seem to have a blind spot when it comes to their kids and often, themselves.

When my DD was about 7 or 8 she had a mate who we'll call X... who screamed or shouted ALL the time. She was like a foghorn and it was wearing.

Her Mum (also massively loud) once said "My neighbour complained that we're all really loud...only X is loud though...we're not"

And they were ALL loud. VERY loud. She didn't realise.

Your sister went about it the wrong way (she should speak up in the moment and not write rambling messages with suggestions for disciplinary measures), but she's probably not wrong that the screaming is bothering everyone around your daughter. A screaming child is literally painful to hear, and most of the time there's no reason for it. If a child who should know better and is old enough to control themselves is screaming, it's difficult to be understanding and accepting of that!

I think it’s overstepping too.

It should’ve just been said in the moment that she is too loud. Why given in a lecture over text like as if it had been on their mind since the event. I would find it quite sly myself.

It sounds as though the delivery of her message was wrong but the content was sound. Do you want your daughter to be one of those annoying shrieky girls that adults see as a PITA? I'd reply in a light-hearted way (Yes, she was particularly vocal today, wasn't she!) but take obvious steps to curtail the excessive noise when you next go. Your sister meant well and it's not a hill worth dying on.

Ffs op don't do this. Why do people post things like this? Your sister has tried to talk to you about something that's an issue and she's obviously text because she's wanted to word it carefully. Your dd shouldn't be screaming especially if your DM is ill.
Op you must know she's got a point if DD is "loud and trying to assert her presence". She's not a toddler and needs to learn how to behave in public

No. Her sister is being passive agressive and completly immature on how to raise the issue. If she is concerned about her niece, she should talk with her sister in person and not thru a text message. This is what communication between emotional mature adults and people that care for each other do.

@LoveGoldberg

Thank you for your advice, I will take into account. If I may offer some advice as well, please don't be upset about me overstepping boundaries as I'm saying it with your wellbeing in mind, learn to spell and communicate like an adult and not a teenager. It will be much more effective. Much love".

Yea attack the spelling and not the issue

No. It's responding in kind to something that should be raised in person and hopefully make the recipient realise that issues involving kids' behaviou should NEVER be dealt in a text message.

seems perfectly reasonable to me.