MIL driving me insane re breastfeeding

[RLou3]

Please help! My MIL seems to be obsess with me stopping breastfeeding! I'm 4 months pp and EBF. She didn't BF any of hers (apparently tried but they were too hungry....) anyway - every-time I see her, she asks "how much longer you going to keep this up" referring to breastfeeding MY baby! Goes on about how it causes a child to become too needy on the mother and will end up that my child grabs at my b00bs or demands "b00b" I am
Becoming SO aggravated now! Why would she be so obsessed with me stopping!!! Why does she care!!!! I find it so strange that I find myself lost for words and i don't really say much back... but then get home and become so angry at myself for not having a good come back!!! All she is doing is encouraging me to keep going and going! My child will be 10 before I stop at this rate!!!!! Any ideas on why she is so obsessed?! Or how I can deal with this?! Thanks v much!!

My guess is she wants to feed your baby. It's not going to stop unless you tell her to stop, or your husband can have a word.

I assume she feels that by BF you are deliberately preventing her from having extended alone time with her grandchild

Stop seeing her so much, and get your husband to tell her to back off.

Please tell her to back off. And get DH to as well.

From what I see here in MN the moment you stop she will be demanding to have the child overnight...

Just do what you are doing - mine stopped at 3 and 4 respectively...

“I don’t agree. Does it matter?”

Yep she wants to be able to 'have' the baby by herself for definite. My MIL was delighted I couldn't breastfeed because she thought it meant I would just hand DD over whenever she wanted. Tell her you'll breastfeed as long as you want and you won't be pressured into giving up so drop it.

Yep, she want to feed your baby, just continue as you are!

“Every time you mention it I’m adding a month!”

Isn’t this absolutely bizarre?! It drives me nuts. I had the same from my MIL who also messaged me about how my baby was terribly hungry and my breast milk wasn’t enough for him, these days babies needed bottles of formula to grow properly. . I went on to exclusively breastfeed for 16 months 😂

Is your MIL an overbearing type in general? Sometimes the obsession is due to the fact that they feel uninvolved with the baby because they can’t be left for stretches of time with someone else without you there.

I would shut this down as politely but as firmly as possible with the same phrases.

“Nancy, I will decide the best way to feed my baby, thank you.”
“Wow, are you still asking me? The answer hasn’t changed from last time. I will decide the best way to feed my baby.”

Repeat as necessary…

I also had a MIL who thought my baby was hers. She pretty much said so. It was grim and horrible and I still remember it all vividly now.

You have to try to stand up for yourself more. I know it's difficult.

Ask her why she thinks she knows better than the world health organisation.

Reply that you will breastfeed your child for as long as you want to.

Say sympathetically that you are sorry she regrets not being able to breastfeed her children.

Ask her why she is so obsessed with your breasts - is it because she was breastfed for too long?

Stop visiting, tell dh to tell her Rlou isn’t coming round any more, she says every time you just go on about stopping breastfeeding. She will stop when she thinks it’s best for baby and is fed up with hearing about it.

@Carboncheque

“Every time you mention it I’m adding a month!”

😂🤣😂🤣

“The World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding until the child is two. Somewhere between now and then I will stop when I feel it’s best for the baby and me. Please stop bringing it up, it’s starting to sound rude.”

Does she think that she’d be having your baby for overnight stays if they were FF?

Start telling her you've been researching extended breast feeding and that right now your target is stopping when baby is around 7/8.

Cut down on how much you see her. Breast feeding is the first thing you do with your child, just think of the looong road ahead.
Nursery choice
Packed lunch or school dinner
Which shoes are best for the beach
Gymnastics or dance
Haircuts
🤯

Or you could launch into a long lecture every time she asks, citing WHO statistics and NHS guidelines. Keep it really tedious and don't pause for breath very often.

Next time have a come back ready - or even initiate the conversation.

Something like

"MIL last time we meet you asked how long I'm going to continued breastfeeding. Well I've given it some thought and as I'm enjoying breastfeeding so much think I'll breastfeed the baby until she's 4, then I'll wean her in time for school".

Or

"It really isn't any of your business, so stop asking"

or

"Forever"

I agree with the other posters - she wants to feed the baby, have the baby to stay overnight etc and she knows until you stop, there's no point in her even asking.

Thanks ladies!!! DH thinks she's just wondering... no love! She's not just wondering! If she was just wondering then she wouldn't have asked me the same question 52000 times! DH doesn't see the big deal as he says "you will just do what you want, so why are you bothered by what she says/ thinks" which is correct but she really is driving me MENTAL. I really don't feel I can be so rude and blunt to her - even though I cannot stand her right now. She's not really invasive usually !!!! But this is definitely an obsession of hers! I need to actually say - I have no cut off date! I'm
Doing what's best for my child!!!!!!!

She wants to feed the baby and sees your BF as a barrier. Carry on as you see fit! (And I say this as a 38wks pregnant lady who has no intention of BF at all.)

I’d ask your dh the same question 30 times in the next hour

@RLou3

Thanks ladies!!! DH thinks she's just wondering... no love! She's not just wondering! If she was just wondering then she wouldn't have asked me the same question 52000 times! DH doesn't see the big deal as he says "you will just do what you want, so why are you bothered by what she says/ thinks" which is correct but she really is driving me MENTAL. I really don't feel I can be so rude and blunt to her - even though I cannot stand her right now. She's not really invasive usually !!!! But this is definitely an obsession of hers! I need to actually say - I have no cut off date! I'm Doing what's best for my child!!!!!!!

I'm sorry to tell you,based on experience, that your dh will never accept his mother has done anything wrong. You have to stand up for yourself. Be prepared for him to accuse you of being unfair or mean to his mother who "means well"

@Carboncheque she can hope/ think all she likes! But no! My baby will not be staying there overnight!

I would stop going round and tell your Dh to tell her why. My lovely Dh told his Mother to stop commenting negatively on things I did with our son otherwise she is risking not seeing the baby. He told her she would not have liked it very much if her MIL had constantly questioned everything she did etc. I was truly grateful to him. She was genuinely lovely so this wasn't a dig but she just questioned everything. Dh reminded her that baby stuff had moved on in the last 30 years, like compulsory car seats.