MIL driving me insane re breastfeeding

[RLou3]

Please help! My MIL seems to be obsess with me stopping breastfeeding! I'm 4 months pp and EBF. She didn't BF any of hers (apparently tried but they were too hungry....) anyway - every-time I see her, she asks "how much longer you going to keep this up" referring to breastfeeding MY baby! Goes on about how it causes a child to become too needy on the mother and will end up that my child grabs at my b00bs or demands "b00b" I am
Becoming SO aggravated now! Why would she be so obsessed with me stopping!!! Why does she care!!!! I find it so strange that I find myself lost for words and i don't really say much back... but then get home and become so angry at myself for not having a good come back!!! All she is doing is encouraging me to keep going and going! My child will be 10 before I stop at this rate!!!!! Any ideas on why she is so obsessed?! Or how I can deal with this?! Thanks v much!!

@betterchangemynamequick my SIL's mother proudly told the tale of how her sister couldn't get the newborn car seat into position to be able to put the seat belt round it so just put it on the back seat with no seat belt and drove 20 minutes including a motorway. Her own Grandchild.

She could not see how her relaying this story like it was no big deal was scaring the shit out of my SIL who was pregnant at the time! My nephew is 4 to give you a timeline.

My little sister didn't close the car door properly once, just pulled it to and my Mum was driving. We turned into a junction on a steep hill, my sister held the door handle as no seat belts (80s) and the door swung open with her attached to it and she rolled into the road I cannot tell you how distressing that is. I can still remember my other sister and I just screaming as my Mum was screaming "What?" as in she didn't know my sister commando rolled out of a car at 7. Luckily just a few scrapes. Great story now but so awful at the time.

My mother was like this - I think it stemmed from her not having bf her own kids and being v defensive about it ('well you weren't getting enough milk') and wanting extended periods of time looking after the baby.

I told her not to make any more comments about bf and I would be stopping when the time was right for baby and me, a decision she would have no input into. She got v huffy and ignored me for a while. We're no contact now cos she's dreadful in many other ways too!

Mil on the other hand was super supportive of bf, she'd bf all her own kids and was happy to take my baby out for short walks or have cuddles between feeds.

I'd just be very clear that's it's not up for discussion and you don't want to hear any more comments about bf.

I would go with exactly what @UseTheRakeDear is saying. Your baby, you d what you feel is right. If you DH talking to her doesn't work, reduce contact with her

How about just saying 'Please stop talking about my boobs now.'

@Carboncheque

“Every time you mention it I’m adding a month!”

Oh my god, this. My mil was the same, blamed all mine and newborn dc's problems on bf (reflux, mastitis twice, colic, sleepless nights, pnd) because she didn't bf and began to wean her eldest at 2 weeks old. Never mind that her constant criticism CONTRIBUTED to my pnd and ds had crippling reflux, as well as severe tongue-tie.

"The advice about the benefits of exclusive bf, as well as extended bf has changed since dh was born, allow me/us to parent our dc in peace" was always useful (with head-tilt and piercing glare for good measure), then change the subject.

If she repeats then you repeat, adding that if she won't stop criticising and belittling your parenting choices then you won't be seeing her - you all need support not harassment.

Just say to her prob 6 or 7 , maybe longer

if you DH thinks you shouldn't be bothered by what she says to you, then tell her to fuck off and stop asking.....after all she shouldn't be bothered by what you say to her should she?

Really your DH should tell her to shush. It's your decision, you don't need to be fielding questions from her.

You could start your own personal obsession with when she'll be going into a nursing home, she'd getting on a bit, doesn't she worry about falling and no one finding her until she's discovered being eaten by her own cats, does she think she's got dementia? I'm sure she'll just love this intrusive stream of your consciousness about her slow decline and welcome every question with a chirpy smile.

Or just be honest with her and say you find it annoying and you'd like her to stop talking about it.

You're giving your baby a great start by breastfeeding. Why on earth would you want to give that up when it's going so well.

Rather than stay quiet when she keeps asking I think it's time to come back with a firm and blunt response. Tell her breast milk is the perfect milk for your baby and you have absolutely no intention of switching to formula. You'll decide when it's right for you and your baby to stop but it certainly isn't going to be any time soon.

I breastfed my 2 children until they were 2 years old. Not out and about when they were older but night time feeds before they went to sleep. It was a lovely calm and cosy time and I'm glad I continued to that age.

It really isn't your MIL's business or place to repeatedly and unnecessarily question your parenting choices.

@Burnerphone21

Start telling her you've been researching extended breast feeding and that right now your target is stopping when baby is around 7/8.

Love it 😂😂😂

My DM used to say ‘you never put that baby down’.

Code for baby needs you more than me and I don’t like it.

The logic used for why shouldn’t is hilarious. Yes your child probably will grab your boobs and shout “boob” eventually. Mine certainly does. How is this an issue? It’s just a toddler communicating in their needs in their way unsubtle way.

My inlaws were shocked that I chose to breastfeed. None of the women in the family had ever bothered trying apparently. It caused a fair bit of tension as I think they had built up an idea in their head about how involved they would be (babysitting, overnight stays so i could have a break etc) not that we had ever discussed this. So I imagine this is what your MiL expected too.

DH's Gran was particularly hilarious. She couldn't bring herself to say the word 'breast'. So the question was always "are you still feeding her yourself?" Judgmental comments about how often DD was fed too. I would answer informatively at first but once it became obvious people had an agenda I would just ignore them and spent little time with them or let DH answer.

I breastfed for 4 consecutive years (2 DCs)

@Carboncheque

“Every time you mention it I’m adding a month!”

Yup.

Or 'ive never had someone so interested in my tits before'

Further suggestion:

Embroider a little hat for the baby that reads “Fuck off, MIL” on the back for her to read while the baby feeds. She’ll really only notice if she’s gawping at your feeding instead of minding her own nutsack.

Annoyingly my DD never asked for “boob” when she learned to talk. I confused her by trying to distinguish between me and cup milk, so she used to grab a tit and shout “MOO MOO”

My MIL also did a bit of this and it was because she didn’t like me taking DC1 away to feed him. She couldn’t bf herself so didn’t really understand it. I just continued to say I would breast feed for at least a year. Then she shut up about it.

"You raised your children as you saw fit now allow me to do the same with mine and if you raise it again, I won't be seeing you again."

I would say that

My MIL used to stand over me when I was feeding and say 'he's not getting enough, I'll do a bottle' then stand over me holding the bottle - for medical reasons we were feeding x1 bottle at night and the equipment was there

It was massively stressful and I feel your pain. When I had to give up because the drugs for PND were not compatible she was so happy. Made me hate her more and I got even more depressed.

I found citing the WHO guidelines of "two years and beyond" shut most people up.

Say nice and breezily ‘I have no idea how long we’ll continue. Most children naturally wean themselves by the age of 7, so any time up til then I expect.’

Then sit back and watch her head explode

My Mum was exactly the same! I couldn’t BF my first but my second was a breeze to BF. You would think my Mum would be supportive but my god did she flap or tell me it would be easier if I bottle fed etc I’m guessing (trying not to insult anyone!) but an age thing? I was able to feed quite discreetly in public as she was an easy baby - watching how uncomfortable my Mum was though used to in the beginning make me feel uneasy but eventually I used to just laugh at her!
It’s a hard one! I just ignored my Mum & tell her it would fine!

I think I’d go with, “Oh God, not this AGAIN! As long as I want, it’s good for the baby and for me, now please stop asking about it.”

Make her feel awkward and maybe she’ll stop.