MIL driving me insane re breastfeeding

[RLou3]

Please help! My MIL seems to be obsess with me stopping breastfeeding! I'm 4 months pp and EBF. She didn't BF any of hers (apparently tried but they were too hungry....) anyway - every-time I see her, she asks "how much longer you going to keep this up" referring to breastfeeding MY baby! Goes on about how it causes a child to become too needy on the mother and will end up that my child grabs at my b00bs or demands "b00b" I am
Becoming SO aggravated now! Why would she be so obsessed with me stopping!!! Why does she care!!!! I find it so strange that I find myself lost for words and i don't really say much back... but then get home and become so angry at myself for not having a good come back!!! All she is doing is encouraging me to keep going and going! My child will be 10 before I stop at this rate!!!!! Any ideas on why she is so obsessed?! Or how I can deal with this?! Thanks v much!!

@BudgeSquare yep! I'm the one that's strange as I find her question unbearable! When really she's just interested!!!!'

Mine went so far as to buy bottles and formula and announced she was coming to stay to wean the baby. Baby was 3 weeks old. DH told her to back off or she wouldn't see baby at all. Wtf is it with some MILs?!

@betterchangemynamequick oh my good lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mil was the same. She also didn't bf... She used to sit right next to me peering waaay too closely.. So I started feeding ds on the chair not the sofa. No room for peeping dgm there!! She wanted ds at her house... Away from me.
She didn't until we divorced and ds's were of school age .. And even then not the youngest as he refused to stay!! Just tell her you have chosen a primary school and it's fine to pop in at lunchtime to bf your dc...

[quote RLou3]@BudgeSquare yep! I'm the one that's strange as I find her question unbearable! When really she's just interested!!!!' [/quote]
I'm sorry to tell you that my eldest is now 12 years old and it's still the same (not about breastfeeding now )

It's constant little digs and trying to undermine me as a mother and take my daughter off on her own.

And apparently it's all in my head and it's just because "You don't like my mother". Bloody right I don't after 12 years of this crap

And it's not just that she's asking the questions and making the comments repetitively. The way she's framing her questions is really rude, like you're being silly in your choice.

My MIL was like this. It was infuriating. She's not just asking. She just doesn't like that she can't do everything for the baby and has to take a step back. I'm sure my MIL had a bit of a jealousy issue as well. She always said how she tried to feed her first son but he was too hungry and her own mother encouraged her to formula feed. I dealt with it by just having a few statements that I repeated over and over. Eg. That WHO recommends BF j til 2 years and beyond. That I will stop when baby wants to stop etc. no need to do anything other than repeat the same line every time you're asked. If she wants a different answer she needs to ask a different question.

Tell her that even if you wasn't breastfeeding, it would still only you or DH doing the feeding because you read that's what's best for baby.

If she comments on the baby being 'needy' laugh and say "That's fine with me! Babies only really need their parents in the early days!"

When she asks how long, just tell her that's a personal decision and you're not interested in anyone else's views on the subject.

She's jealous.

If you got on with her previously it’s worth remembering that becoming a grandmother can hit some women very hard. I’ve read threads where women talk about how unprepared they were for the ‘rush of love’ they felt towards the baby and how they look back on some of their own behaviour and cringe.

Of course if she was always like this …

@UseTheRakeDear
Omg compulsory car seats! Mil doesn't believe in them. She raised her kids without them so what's all the fuss about? 🙄
I rarely see her, she irritates me too much.

Oh god I couldn't handle this. You don't want to be blunt but you will have to if you want her to stop.
I would say - I will finish breadfeeding Mt baby when I want to. It has nothing to do with you and if you can't accept that then we will be seeing less of you as I find your constant questioning highly irritating and disrespectful.
She needs to be told, some people you just need to be very direct with so they get the msg otherwise it will be you that will continue to suffer. She clearly doesn't give a damn how you feel so why should you care about her?

A couple of other thoughts came into my head whilst reading this thread - based on personal experience.
I was brought up to regard any kind of nudity, or viewing of "private parts" rude and disgusting 🙄. So my mother could never tolerate catching a ....SHOCK.....HORROR...... glimpse of my boobs when I breastfed in her presence! Could that be a factor in your MIL's case?
Also, could she be jealous because she didn't/couldn't breastfeed?
I had to stop earlier than I wanted to, and I remember feeling very jealous seeing other mothers breastfeeding when I could no longer do it, until I had a word with myself.
Just some alternative possibilities?

Ask her why she's asking or do the broken record - "when I'm ready /when he's ready/ when he moves to secondary school / when people stop asking me when I'm going to stop"

DH doesn't see the big deal as he says "you will just do what you want, so why are you bothered by what she says/ thinks" which is correct
Because she’s saying it over and over a fucking gain, and it’s about YOUR body and YOUR baby and YOUR choice.

I’d go on MIL strike until she shut the fuck up. And also squirt right in her eye.

why do you keep writing b00b? You're allowed to say fuck and cunt on Mumsnet so I think boob is OK.

The answer to this is simple - you say "I don't want to talk about this, it's not any of your business." and when she brings it up again, repeat yourself. If she keeps at it or gets upset, you either leave or ask her to leave. Make sure your husband or partner backs you up. If he doesn't, well, that's a whole 'nother problem, isn't it?

@LindyLou2020 she did once ask me if I felt comfortable just getting my b00b out whenever and wherever! To which I responded "oh yes, I don't worry about that at all"

But I don't think it's that! From all of the other posters - I'm realising that this is definitely because she wants to feed the baby! And probably wants alone time with just her and the baby! Which angers me even more! How selfish!!! I feel so lucky to be able to EBF! But she would rather it end, so that she can potentially have alone time!!!!

"Squirt right in her eye"

Do this!

I would reply something like "oh baby will be on solids soon anyway so will be drinking less milk. Seems pointless so close to that to put a big change in their diet just to change it again."

If MIL was unable to breast feed her own babies (and they were strongly pushed to formula 30/40 years ago), then she might be finding seeing you easily feed your baby is bringing up sad memories for her. Be kind, my mum went a bit crazy when I had dc1, but it brought back her memories of having PND and finding the new baby stage terrible. Try not to say anything negative about formula feeding, she's possibly gone straight back to a time in her life she felt she let down her child by "failing" to produce enough milk.

‘Definitely before High school’

You just have to bite the bullet and be blunt and say that you haven’t decided and please stop asking. Don’t justify, don’t argue, just the same thing over and over again.

FYI you won’t get banned for writing boobs.

I think a lot of her generation were given terrible advice based on formula advertising, my own MIL tried to convince my husband to give boiled sugar water to our 3 day old baby because my milk wouldn't help his blood sugar levels and he would be weak . My go to was to pick a different subject she's obsessed with and redirect the conversation to that every time!

It seems relatively common. To be fair my MIL gave me six months before making noises about stopping breastfeeding, but she clearly saw six months as a line in the sand and never let up after that. She's convinced even now that I only stopped breastfeeding my DC on her advice, because I couldn't possibly have had my own valid views or wishes on the matter. I spent in total almost 6 years BFing 2 children.

Tell her you will stop when your baby is 13 or ask her why she is wants you stop doing what is best for your children and leave a silence for her to fill.

Just tell her what you do with your breasts is your business, then call her out on her perverse obsession.

If she carries on then cut that shit out of your life, you don't need that kind of negativity or lack of support.

Urgh mine was the same. I just used to bat it off with an “oh well the advice now is to EBF to 6 months” and change the subject. Although I went NC with her when DC was 4 months old (for different reasons) which solved the problem more permanently!

I would be inclined to write a list of her questions down, write down the answers, photocopy it and hand her one when she asks. for her to be asking the same questions over and over she is clearly having trouble processing your answers so it would be kind of you to give her these cards to take home and get to grips with.