MIL driving me insane re breastfeeding

[RLou3]

Please help! My MIL seems to be obsess with me stopping breastfeeding! I'm 4 months pp and EBF. She didn't BF any of hers (apparently tried but they were too hungry....) anyway - every-time I see her, she asks "how much longer you going to keep this up" referring to breastfeeding MY baby! Goes on about how it causes a child to become too needy on the mother and will end up that my child grabs at my b00bs or demands "b00b" I am
Becoming SO aggravated now! Why would she be so obsessed with me stopping!!! Why does she care!!!! I find it so strange that I find myself lost for words and i don't really say much back... but then get home and become so angry at myself for not having a good come back!!! All she is doing is encouraging me to keep going and going! My child will be 10 before I stop at this rate!!!!! Any ideas on why she is so obsessed?! Or how I can deal with this?! Thanks v much!!

@betterchangemynamequick

Mine went so far as to buy bottles and formula and announced she was coming to stay to wean the baby. Baby was 3 weeks old. DH told her to back off or she wouldn't see baby at all. Wtf is it with some MILs?!

I would have shoved the bottles up her backside;what a CF!

Well done to your DH for standing up for you.

My MIL didn’t breastfeed hers, and was convinced that my baby cried because she wasn’t getting enough milk.

Eventually I told her if she couldn’t be supportive I didn’t want to hear another fucking word on the subject.

I’m sure it wasn’t the ideal approach but I was tired and sore and had struggled like fuck to make breastfeeding work and I was sick to the back teeth of her snide comments.

It worked.

I had the same comments from my MIL and SIL, they even talked DP round to their way of thinking. They had DP convinced that I would be going to the school to feed at break time. My own DM gave me disapproving looks and DSIS thought the whole thing was disgusting.

MIL bf both her children but FIL used to tell me stories of the lengths they went to when they were out to hide MIL so that nobody could see! DM bf but didn't like it and DSIS tried but couldn't produce any milk.

I just imagine their words and disapproving looks floating over my head and got my revenge by bf until DS self weaned at age three. Obviously I am not going to the school at break time to bf, DS is now five.

Aww OP, that’s no time at all, I fed DS1 for a year & DS2 for 9mths.

Really not for your MIL to say anything about your choices for your baby, make it quite clear that you plan to continue BF until you decide to stop and you don’t want to have further discussion or comments about it.

Good luck.

I think some direct communication is leaded. Tell her clearly that you don't appreciate her pressure to stop breastfeeding and ask your partner to back you up. Let her know that the decisions you make may be different from hers but starting a family requires support from extended family regardless of the fact she might make different choices. If she wants a close relationship with your child the best way to do that is to support you in any way possible. Give her hefty books about the benefits of breastfeeding or a reality check about her expectations! Follow your instincts, stick to your guns and I reckon she will realise she is getting nowhere soon. I'm sorry you have to put up with this pressure. You are doing a great job feeding your baby!

@betterchangemynamequick

Mine went so far as to buy bottles and formula and announced she was coming to stay to wean the baby. Baby was 3 weeks old. DH told her to back off or she wouldn't see baby at all. Wtf is it with some MILs?!

That’s batshit crazy! What?!?!?

@CallmeHendricks

"It's definitely a generational thing."

Er, no it's not! FFS, what's with the ageism on here these days. The current cohort of mums didn't invent breastfeeding.
How old is your mum?

It's because many mothers of that generation were advised to bottle feed. I'm surprised you didn't know this? As many pp's have also said.

Batshit Mother in laws.
Best thing that happened to breastfeeding support since the Brest is best campaign started.

Mine said it was weird, creepy and unnatural. (No, really. I laughed out loud thinking she was joking and when I realised how she was serious I said, "unnatural? UNNATURAL? Honestly that's the stupidest thing I've heard in years! Thanks for that!")
I struggled with BFing but MIL's bullshit made me carry on by sheer stubbornness.

And no, she didn't want me to stop so she could get baby to herself or anything, she genuinely thought that BFing was gross and unnecessary. No way would she ever willingly babysit, especially not a newborn.

@Petitpenguin I'm not sure what era you are thinking about, but I had my children in the late 80s and 90s and the message was a very strong and clear 'breast is best'. In my experience I can only remember one woman who formula fed from the outset.
We all breast fed, but had stopped before 12 months. I'm talking large ante and post natal, midwife led groups here, not NCT, so quite a wide demographic on reflection.
What has changed I believe is that post natal wards no longer have lots of free bottles of SMA on display that women could help themselves too, and I also suspect that

mid wife led free ante natal and post natal groups are a thing of the past.

[quote Waternoice]@Petitpenguin I'm not sure what era you are thinking about, but I had my children in the late 80s and 90s and the message was a very strong and clear 'breast is best'. In my experience I can only remember one woman who formula fed from the outset.
We all breast fed, but had stopped before 12 months. I'm talking large ante and post natal, midwife led groups here, not NCT, so quite a wide demographic on reflection.
What has changed I believe is that post natal wards no longer have lots of free bottles of SMA on display that women could help themselves too, and I also suspect that[/quote]
DH and I were born late 60s and both our mums were dissuaded from breastfeeding.

Among other things, each day a nurse would bring my mum a bottle of milk for me, and insist I needed it because her milk definitely wasn't enough. Mum waited for the nurse to go away, then tipped the milk down the sink. TBF she is a very determined person.

My MIL gave birth in three different countries in the 60s and 70s and had much the same experience.

So I understand why they might not think breastfeeding is enough for a baby, but it's still not an excuse to continually undermine their daughter or daughter-in-law's decisions, especially when she's asked them to stop.

@Petitpenguin,
You're surprised I didn't know this? I didn't know it because it's not my experience. You know, what with having actually lived through it.
Others of us on the thread have also related how we were routinely breastfed back in the 1960s.

I trained in the late 70s/early 80s as a general nurse and 'breast is best' was definitely the message back then, along with 5-7 days post delivery in hospital to help get feeding established.

South London teaching hospital location

I bf my DD and my DM was most uncomfortable - her particular concern was not knowing how much milk DD was getting. The fact she was gaining a good deal of weight each week, was not evidence of a good level of intake. Daft

[quote Waternoice]@Petitpenguin I'm not sure what era you are thinking about, but I had my children in the late 80s and 90s and the message was a very strong and clear 'breast is best'. In my experience I can only remember one woman who formula fed from the outset.
We all breast fed, but had stopped before 12 months. I'm talking large ante and post natal, midwife led groups here, not NCT, so quite a wide demographic on reflection.
What has changed I believe is that post natal wards no longer have lots of free bottles of SMA on display that women could help themselves too, and I also suspect that[/quote]
This was my experience too. My mother had her children in the 50s and 60s and formula fed all 5. When I had my first she was very unsupportive of bf. She said breast feeding was beastial.

My DD had her first baby last year. I'm so proud of her for sticking with breast feeding, even though she struggled at first. She's proud of herself too!

My generation isn't the one with bf issues.

@huhwhatnow
Good to know I'm not the only woman spurred on to keep BFing because of a Batshit MIL.

@DPotter
I don't know when the change was made from pushing formula to Breast is Best but I can tell you National Dried Milk was available until at least 1976.

So maybe some point in the 70s.
But one thing that always gets me. In the 70s mums were advised to make their batch of bottles up in the morning and put them in the fridge.
Now Formula mums are advised to make every bottle fresh, with newly cooled boiled water.

Is formula less clean or fridges less reliable than they were in the 70s. or is that just about making life harder for mums.

I struggled with BFing but MIL's bullshit made me carry on by sheer stubbornness.

Ha, me too! My mil had not fed any of her dc (my husband was the youngest of 5, his eldest sibling born in 1960 which is how far back her advice went) and thought it was unnatural and the source of all dcs problems - reflux, colic, even undiagnosed tongue tie. I stubbornly persisted for a year with dc1.

With dc2 she said 'I suppose you'll bf this one too' and the reaction I gave ensured she never mentioned it again. Old interfering witch.

My dm bf us in 60/70s as did my dgm in the 40s. Dd also bf my Dgd

However in laws were very different and were pro bottle feeding

I would find it very easy to say "please stop asking because I will stop when we are both ready. This is not up for discussion, so please don't mention it again as you will get the same answer"

I had a lot of "in my day" from MIL when DD was a baby, but I had DH's back every time, and every time I just used to say "well we don't do that these days"
(In her day was 1950 - 1954)

"I doubt DD will talk about my boobs as much as you do"

[quote Lockdownbear]@huhwhatnow
Good to know I'm not the only woman spurred on to keep BFing because of a Batshit MIL.

@DPotter
I don't know when the change was made from pushing formula to Breast is Best but I can tell you National Dried Milk was available until at least 1976.

So maybe some point in the 70s.
But one thing that always gets me. In the 70s mums were advised to make their batch of bottles up in the morning and put them in the fridge.
Now Formula mums are advised to make every bottle fresh, with newly cooled boiled water.

Is formula less clean or fridges less reliable than they were in the 70s. or is that just about making life harder for mums.[/quote]
It's about reducing the incidence of gastroenteritis which is more common in formula fed babies. The longer the milk is kept the more chance their is for bacteria to breed and cause stomach upset.

@Lockdownbear

There has definitely been political reasons behind decisions in the past. And I wonder about the political motivation to encourage more BFing now.

Rather than mysteriously 'wondering about', could you explain, in simple language, what you believe is the 'political motivation to encourage breastfeeding' now and how you think this is manifested?

@Couldhavebeenme3 good on you! I am BF my 15month old still and although MIL doesn't say anything I can tell she thinks she's 'too old ' now I'm due in 2 weeks baby no2 and planning to tandem feed, she's gonna love that

I think in every generation there have been people who are pro-breast-feeding and those who think it's not for them.
The debate is not new.

@CallmeHendricks I'm sorry that you took my post personally. This may not have been your experience, and that's great. My point was that there were a sizeable proportion of mothers who formula fed in previous generations - as has been said here - my own mother had babies in the 1970's up till the 80's. This is not the same today. The messaging was much more towards formula then and my mother thinks breast feeding is not as good, whereas now breastfeeding is promoted.

I say this as someone who expressed breast milk and then switched to formula after baby was unable to latch and so I believe that fed is best, and whatever the mum chooses is right for her and her baby is what matters.

I hope the OP has managed to stamp down on the MIL's comments.

Has anyone actually produced any figures to support the argument either way?
What was the proportion of mothers who breast-fed in the 60s and 70s compared with this century.