To think this was the worst mistake of my life

[Overthecamelhump]

Having a baby.

I fucking hate it. I have no life at all. Life is:

Wake at 6. Go to work.

Finish work. Collect baby from nursery.

Try to entertain baby for two hours.

Bath baby.

Get baby to bed after being head butted, having hair yanked, the skin on my neck yanked, kicked and punched.

45 mins to myself during which time I have to do some work.

Baby wakes. Settle baby.

2 hours sleep. Baby wakes. Spend two and a half to three hours getting baby back to bed.

Four hours sleep.

Baby wakes.

Try to get baby back to sleep.

Wake up for day at 6. Feel like a zombie. Repeat.

Poor baby. But yeah. Stupid thing to do.

@Overthecamelhump
have to say i love your honest post..yep this is the day to day grind that everyone experiences.
I really think just because you own the equipment doesnt mean you have to use it.
I have a fantastic life&relationship with my teens but have always told them having kids isnt a stop on everyones journey&in many cases simply means getting trapped in less than ideal circumstances,financially or otherwise.So many women I see through work are left literally"holding the baby"when relationships turn to shit as they (mostly)do..and it is always women-fact.The truth is a lot of people are feeling like you, id say its completely normal..

It is very hard OP. It doesn't really get better either. It just changes. They start to sleep and then more worries start - are they meeting their milestones, can you find a nice nursery, the expense of wraparound care, school issues, cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning. Its relentless.

People rave about the lovely aspects of parenthood but the reality is a huge percentage of it is repetitive drudgery.

Im not resistant to sleep training at all, I just don’t think it will work and I doubt OH would go along with it.

And Wonder weeks is codswallop for me (apparently should have been talking three months ago - how many 7 month olds talk?)

Useless for you @Overthecamelhump.

I had a non-sleeper, day and night. For 2.5 years. No head butting, kicking, punching, or hair pulling, so there's that. But there was heart rending screaming for hours and hours. I have no idea why she started sleeping through.

Can I ask why your OH wouldn’t go along with sleep training? Your first post reminded me so much of how desperate I felt in the early hours of every morning, and how much I resented my son for it. He’s our second child and having been very lucky to have an excellent sleeper first time round I couldn’t understand why this one was so determined to break me.

The sleep consultant we used gave us the confidence we needed to stay consistent with the training. I booked a couple of days off work (so realistically you wouldn’t be able to do this until half-term, I guess). The first 2 nights were really tough on all of us. If I hadn’t known that she would be calling first thing each morning to check how it had gone, I’d have caved. But, like I said in my previous post, 3rd night in and he was sleeping through.

But….you would both need to commit to those tough few nights to make it work. It’s not something you can get through alone. Luckily, my partner could see that I was at breaking point (son was breastfeeding to sleep so the night waking fell solely to me), and so wanted to do anything to improve the situation.

The sleep issue will gradually improve on its own, but you could be looking at months, if not years. With the right sleep consultant, you could sort it out in less than a week. And believe me, they’ll have helped families with babies who react in the same way as yours does.

One of mine was like that awake screaming and kicking for between 2 -4 hours a night, I can barely remember anything from that time it was that awful. I’m incredibly impressed you are managing a full time job I could barely manage to get my older child to a playgroup. I was probably lucky I didn’t drive because I would have had an accident.

We did end up with a solution but it was because of food intolerances so probably not very helpful. I hope things do improve for you sleep deprivation is horrible

I am so intrigued... What are these magic techniques these sleep consultants use?!

Like the last poster just said some babies may not sleep due to allergies. I've realised mine isn't sleeping well due to eczema and dairy allergy. Could it be something like this OP which is not allowing your little one to settle?

I hope you get the help you need

I can’t help but be really concerned for your child’s well being I have read the whole threat your comments and some others and you’ve a said more than once about wanting to harm your child and having dark thoughts

Maybe admin should email you to check up to make sure your ok

To be honest I wouldn’t wait to speak to a gp I’d take yourself to A&E for a mental health check up … you don’t sound very well (and that’s ok not your fault you just need some help)

Being a mother is the hardest thing in the world but you should never have thoughts of hurting your baby or your partner that’s one of the first signs of post natal depression

That doesn’t make you a bad mother if you get the help you need then you wouldn’t be I recon if you spoke to a doctor they would sign you off work straight away and try and get you some help ( try not to look for excuses like I can’t I have to work etc ) some things are far more important than your work life aka your mental well being and your child’s life if it’s a money thing then if you go to somewhere like woman’s aid etc they can point you in the right place for funds while off sick

Sending big hugs and wishing you all the best

Life won’t always be this hard I promise

Imagine

‘What’s your emergency?’

‘My child won’t sleep.’

@Overthecamelhump

You always seem to have some comment to make about not getting help

I think you’d start with

I want to hurt my child
And stop deflecting from the fact it’s not right to want to hurt your child even if they won’t sleep

Get help.

If you can afford to I'd quit your job so you can focus more on baby and you.

That’s because your comment is nothing more than a reply trying to make me feel bad cloaked in a supportive way, in an attempt to disguise it.

In any event, going to A and E is ridiculous even if the child was in danger.

@Overthecamelhump

Im not resistant to sleep training at all, I just don’t think it will work and I doubt OH would go along with it.

Then you are resistant?

Why don't you think it would work? Is it not worth trying?

I have huge sympathy, it's really hard. But your early posts show how much you are struggling & you'd benefit from going to the GP.

You do keep rejecting all suggestions, even those you haven't tried.

I hope it improves for you.

You poor tormented woman. I remember being in your place.
You are to focused on just keeping going to have any perspective.
I went back full time abs had a non sleeper. I crashed the car ended up on antidepressants.

Hire a sleep consultant they will give you a full nights sleep the first night and then coach you for the next couple of days. Worth every Penny for some sanity.

If you have a non sleeper you can’t work full time. You need full time nursery and a day off each week to sleep, go for a walk abs just be.

Big hugs

@Overthecamelhump near enough every comment you have made back to people are reasons for not doing anything even the ones trying to support you threw your clear mental health struggles telling someone it’s not right to want hurt their baby and trying to offer the only solution that hasn’t already been suggested and shot down in flames by your self turning up to A&E about wanting to hurt your baby is not a stupid idea they have a 24 hour mental health support team for most hospitals and if they didn’t at yours then they found find you one …. This is just about your child not sleeping

It’s mostly about your mental health struggles and need of support

I will repeat again wanting to hurt your child is not a normal part of being a mum you are in the middle of a mental health crisis

Please get help

This thread has made it into the sun online .

It's shit when they don't sleep. Long term sleep deprivation is a special kind of torture. You'll get through it. Eventually.

@Overthecamelhump
I have only read your responses, so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but you don’t seem to have referenced it so I’m putting it here just in case. Have you tried the wake to sleep method? See this link: thecradlecoach.com/the-wake-to-sleep-approach/

It saved my life when my kids were that age and they have been great sleepers ever since. You might have to do it a couple of nights before things change but it really is magic when it works. Good luck, I know how relentless it feels when you’re in it.

Wake to sleep isn’t really applicable here. It isn’t early risings, it’s refusing to go back in the cot (or crib or bed)

@EarringsandLipstick if you rift you can see I’ve answered that. The only thing I haven’t tried is CIO. I’ve also had advice from Fate on the sleep board, she is a sleeping consultant. It just doesn’t work. It will end when it ends, it is just very hard in the meantime.

I know the thread is in the Sun. And?

@Overthecamelhump
Mine wasn’t early waking either, it was the same as yours, but the thing with wake to sleep is that you’re stopping them from waking up in the first place, so you don’t have to deal with those 2-3 hours. It sounds like your baby has just got themselves into a routine of waking up and not going back to sleep. WTS helps them to reset their sleep pattern. Fair enough if it doesn’t work for you, but if you haven’t tried it you should, just to be sure. It might be the solution you need.

I have RTFT, and I just re-read your replies to see if I missed your answer about getting some help from a sleep consultant. You haven't actually answered it, just said it won't work.

I'm not in your shoes. I don't know exactly what it's like.

But in my own experience with 3 DC and knowing friends / family, there is usually something that can make a small difference

I do feel you are resistant to many suggestions. I also feel your own MH is suffering (naturally!) and you do need support from a GP. I recognise that you say you can't get an appointment, I don't live in the UK, but I feel there must be a way to get around this?

At 2 in the morning I would strangle them both and probably enjoy it.

I know of course this is not meant literally but to feel this bad absolutely warrants an appointment with GP and HV.

Why can’t you get an appointment with a doctor
Even my completely useless doctors surgery do telephone appointments

My DD was the same. I never did find an answer and then suddenly at about 18 months we tried sleep training again and it just worked! She’s 13 now and it’s a distant memory.

You have my sympathy OP, it’s shit!