To think this was the worst mistake of my life

[Overthecamelhump]

Having a baby.

I fucking hate it. I have no life at all. Life is:

Wake at 6. Go to work.

Finish work. Collect baby from nursery.

Try to entertain baby for two hours.

Bath baby.

Get baby to bed after being head butted, having hair yanked, the skin on my neck yanked, kicked and punched.

45 mins to myself during which time I have to do some work.

Baby wakes. Settle baby.

2 hours sleep. Baby wakes. Spend two and a half to three hours getting baby back to bed.

Four hours sleep.

Baby wakes.

Try to get baby back to sleep.

Wake up for day at 6. Feel like a zombie. Repeat.

Poor baby. But yeah. Stupid thing to do.

@Staryflight445

And where have I written that I think a 10 month old is being manipulative? They clearly don’t know what they want and op is at her wits end. You don’t have to do everything your child desires either.

‘Their demands’ and ‘everything your child desires’ - the baby isn’t deliberately trying to annoy the OP.

Clearly all babies are demanding and have desires - surely no-one would argue with that?

It's more than a bit of stretch to turn those statements into suggesting the 10 month old is manipulative. That's not what the poster was saying at all.

@Overthecamelhump ignore @Somethingwicked9 MN know a trouble maker when they see one and you know yourself as a fellow Teacher when someone cries Wolf. @MNHQ @Hebe

So, I read your thing about wonder weeks, some of it is crap BUT it is good for explaining what's causing sleep regression because that's what your LO is going through. Sometimes knowing what's going on helps a bit. Doesn't get you any sleep but helps you understand what's happening.

When you're sleep deprived you can't see the woods for the trees

My only recommendation is to get a night nanny once a week to top you up on your sleep if it gets to a point where you think you might be unsafe to drive etc.

It will pass. You know that. This was originally an AIBU that you've messed up your life so my answer is YABU you haven't messed up your life. You know that it's temporary. You know your life will be so much richer for having a family as that's why you chose to have one in the first place.

@Overthecamelhump I've read all your replies and appreciate your frustration. If you can't get a GP appointment I would try and change GPs and see if you can get an appointment for your child and then try gaviscon or omeprazole as (whilst I know it is a bit of an excuse for everything on MN) reflux really can turn lovely babies into poor sleepers. We started my son on both at 8 months and it made a massive difference. Though I have in occasions also done CIO when his sleep has got completely ridiculous and it does work but you have to commit to it and I fully appreciate if it's not for you.

@HelloHummingbird think your barking up the wrong tree with me , if you support someone who says they want to hurt their own child out of sleeplessness I have had two children that never slept due to server reflux and milk and soya intolerances … I never once had dark thoughts or wanted to “strangle my child” so you thinking she shouldn’t listen to someone suggesting she seek mental health help are the issue not me sorry to tell you just because yous are “teachers” doesn’t give yous the right to not seek help when she clearly needs it OP has attacked near enough every person who has suggested ideas to help so I’m not the only one

@HelloHummingbird my whole point is it’s totally understandable that OP IS SHATTERED and so fed up because it’s a form of torture not having any sleep so I totally sympathise with her on that part because I have been in her shoes but any mental health professional or any DR for that fact would tell you that having thoughts of hurting your own child isn’t a normal reaction to lack of sleep they will tell you it’s a new to health crisis and too seek help straight away as it sounds like postnatal depression if you look it’s up one of the main symptoms is thought of harming your child and or your partner so when I asked her to get help it was purely because along with many others on this thread thinks she needs it , if you support the fact that you think it’s acceptable for someone to feel bad thoughts towards their child because they are tired then that’s on you but to be honest I think the main reason that she won’t seek help re GP or HV is because she doesn’t want people who can actually help knowing she’s suffering so as I said that’s on you if you don’t think she needs help ….. but she does

@Somethingwicked9 I believe the OP was being sarcastic. I don't believe for a second those thoughts are "plotting" thoughts. I'm sure you know the difference to. Anyway I think the OP has left the thread,and I don't blame her!

@HelloHummingbird “having some dark thoughts “

Hmmm ok then whatever makes you feel better

I hope she has left the post and got the help she needed

I would say having "dark thoughts" is fairly common after having a new baby/being severely sleep deprived. It will come down to circumstances and personality too of course. I know I certainly had them whilst in the thick of it. It's a coping mechanism/escapism. I knew I'd never act on it though. If someone feels they really are at risk of acting on it then most definitely they should seek help and fast but for the majority these thoughts will pass.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. The first year is so difficult but it can be so rewarding too. First of all, you have to get some sleep. Sleep deprivation does strange things to us and can make things seem so dark and hopeless. It truly does get so much better and now when I look at my two boys who are 9 and 11 I couldn't imagine resenting them! We broke the rules and let our kids sleep with us so we weren't up all night. You also need to bond with your baby....I would nap in the afternoon on the couch with them on my chest, holding them with my inside arm so when my body relaxed from sleeping, I wouldn't drop them! This didn't just help the baby bond with me, but helped me bond with them. My boys became great sleepers and we have such a close relationship now, and I truly believe bonding in the early days is what made a big difference. You are your child's world - the love children have for their parents is the most amazing thing and vice versa. One day soon you will be so so grateful you have a child even though the early days are difficult. They are the greatest blessing, but the best things in our lives involve sacrifice. I would give anything to have them little again - I miss their innocence and childlike wonder which they lose just a little every year. Praying for you and please reach out for help.

First of all...you need to calm down. Babies sense how moms feel. The more tense you feel the more the baby will feel it too...x other thing to consider youre all day at work and poor thing misses the crap outta you youre its mom dont get angry dont get frustrated. Get a rocking chair cuddle and sleep both in there if u must. They grow up so fast!
On advises...1. dummies...

1. If waking up for milk , start giving water instead. Soon will realise won't get milk and will break the patter of waking up
2. Light and music toys. Mine used the same one until almost 3 year old to fall asleep, couldnt without. Wasnt even a soothing sleep melody but jungle sounds birds etc with flashing colourful lights made him hypnotized there light projector worked too swirling snowflakes around the room . He would wake up i press the button and he watches and calms and i just sleep lol

I can surely relate to how you feel. I'm a dad. Always felt the same way. We had to give our own life up for someone else. Our daughter consumed our lives. Your routine there described pretty accurately ours as well.

Now, don't know if it's your case, but being a single mum makes things 10x harder. So yeah not definitely easy.

All I can say is: it gets more manageable once they grow. Shamefully, they will not grow as quickly as you'd want.

I understand. But please please please be more directive with your OH. Do not allow him to do things like coming to chat when you nap (I know that time has passed but I bet there are equivalents now.) Do not allow him to 'not go along with' things. It's perfectly possible for him to be a good-natured prick in some areas - the fact that he's not an obvious abuser doesn't change the impact on you and you need to be able to assert this fact. I know it's so hard when exhausted but please try.