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Original poster

To think this was the worst mistake of my life

488 replies

Overthecamelhump · 08/09/2021 04:51

Having a baby.

I fucking hate it. I have no life at all. Life is:

Wake at 6. Go to work.

Finish work. Collect baby from nursery.

Try to entertain baby for two hours.

Bath baby.

Get baby to bed after being head butted, having hair yanked, the skin on my neck yanked, kicked and punched.

45 mins to myself during which time I have to do some work.

Baby wakes. Settle baby.

2 hours sleep. Baby wakes. Spend two and a half to three hours getting baby back to bed.

Four hours sleep.

Baby wakes.

Try to get baby back to sleep.

Wake up for day at 6. Feel like a zombie. Repeat.

Poor baby. But yeah. Stupid thing to do.

OP posts:
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RandomMess · 08/09/2021 16:36

Is your DH a deep enough sleeper that he could co-sleep and not woken up with all the kicking and shuffling around the bed?

If so I would leave to it and sleep elsewhere and slowly transition to a cot by the bed.

Does your DC need to be held to get to sleep for every nap and to go to bed?

Non sleeping babies are torturous Thanks

CherryHug · 08/09/2021 16:44

With all due respect, OP, what did you expect the baby to do?

FleetwoodRaincoat · 08/09/2021 16:47

Get your DP to do alternate nights - it's the only thing that worked for us (DS was a nightmare). At least that way you get one decent night and one shit night, rather than all of them being shit.

You'll probably find that your baby will change all of a sudden and you'll forget about how awful this phase is.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families General parenting
BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 08/09/2021 16:52

I had one of these. I was honestly losing my mind. I had to sleep train at 11 months. It was brutal for three days. But it was her or me. Confused The child in question is now a hilarious, confident, sparky 9 year old, so no lasting damage has been done!

Newbabynewhouse · 08/09/2021 16:56

@Flickeringgreenlight

Would it have been best for everyone to ignore the post completely then do you think? And for OP to have no replies at all?..would that have been best? Or a few replies saying "there, there" "Oh dear"...

What do you think is going to happen when you come on saying this is what "I'm going through and I don't know what to do"

FallingRussetLeaves · 08/09/2021 17:04

@CherryHug

With all due respect, OP, what did you expect the baby to do?
Probably not routinely take 3 hours to be settled in the middle of the night at 10 months, what with that not actually being the norm.
WaltzForDebbie · 08/09/2021 17:04

That sounds rough. I know it probably doesn't seem like it ATM but it does get better. I had a non-sleeper as well though not as bad as yours. Flowers

Original poster
Overthecamelhump · 08/09/2021 17:10

@CherryHug

With all due respect, OP, what did you expect the baby to do?
I really didn’t expect two to three hours to go in a cot. Maybe naivety on my part but I didn’t, and if I did, as a newborn. Not at this stage. But it is.

And you didn’t have to put ‘with all due respect’ either. There was nothing disrespectful about what you asked in the first place.

OP posts:
Newbabynewhouse · 08/09/2021 17:10

@Whatinthelord

That's exactly what me and my DP did... definitely need that 4 or 5 hour chunk! It was winter too so dark and cosy! I used to sit in pjs eating rice pudding with jam at 4am Grin couldn't get away with that now..

Original poster
Overthecamelhump · 08/09/2021 17:15

And the problem isn’t people offering advice. I think the issue is when people start to become stroppy, rude and generally unpleasant when you say ‘actually we’ve tried X Y and Z.’

Then they accuse YOU of being the dick when actually it is them. I’ve seen this so many times on MN and I don’t understand it at all.

And I know when threads get long it’s hard to keep up but it gets a bit exhausting saying over and over no … co sleeping doesn’t work, yes we do alternate but you know what I’m still dead … no sleep training didn’t work … yes we’ve tried a dummy.

It’s not like threads have a minimum number of answers.

OP posts:
MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 08/09/2021 17:22

I've not read everything but I have huge sympathy for you. The early years from day around 10 months till they're starting to properly engage are pretty boring. And night waking is torture. Utterly utterly shite.

I won't give you advice, I always believed we did what we had to do so everyone slept at this stage. Nothing is set in stone. If I were you I would pull a sickie (even if u lose pay it's worth it), put baby in nursery and take the whole day just for u.

And I promise it gets better. My dc are 12 and 9. We have a ball mostly. My first was a dream baby and my second hit us like a ton of bricks. Love em both but when DS (2nd one) was struggling to sleep at 2, we put him on a mattress on our bedroom floor and he slept. So many said 'ooh, rod for ur back' etc but we all slept. Do what works. Good luck.

grecianurn82 · 08/09/2021 17:31

Lack of sleep is HELL. Theres nothing like it. My youngest 2 have autism and they slept so badly. The older of the two used to go to sleep at 9pm and wake up at 12 or 1 and be awake until 9 that night. It was torture. I have no advice because nothing worked with my two and I wanted to slap the paediatrician who started giving me advice on sleep routines because I had literally trued everything at that point. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it does not feel like that when you're slap bang in the middle of it.

LouLou198 · 08/09/2021 17:35

I remember this time OP, it is exhausting and relentless. Broken sleep all night then baby up for the day at 5 am, with me off to work at 8am. It will pass, but the nights seem endless and many a time I've wondered what the hell I had with done. Nothing can prepare you for a baby, no one tells you how awful it can be at times. It's such a rubbish time to have a small child as well when there is no support from GP's/ HV and your family aren't able to provide you with some respite. You really do have my sympathy. Thanks

RandomMess · 08/09/2021 17:40

It never occurred to me when mine were little that they could sleep in the room with DH and I could sleep elsewhere as I couldn't sleep through the snuffling and all the noises!! They ended up in their own rooms very young as a result otherwise I literally didn't sleep. No way I could have co slept.

All I know is whatever you do to get them to nap during the day or in the evening they then need in the middle of the night.

My non-sleeper was due to silent reflux. If it hadn't be that I would have paid ££££ for a sleep consultant tbh.

Hawkins001 · 08/09/2021 17:51

As lovely as they may become, they certainly a long term investment project.

FATEdestiny · 08/09/2021 18:03

@Overthecamelhump

Fate is great but this is a hardcore non sleeper. It is just how it is.
I could help. Start a thread on the sleep board and tag me in if you'd like some practical tips.

Hard-core sleep issues are my fave.

Original poster
Overthecamelhump · 08/09/2021 18:23

I know and I’ve tried under a different name! And your advice is great. For some babies. This one won’t have any of it I’m afraid!

OP posts:
bunnytheegghunter · 08/09/2021 18:26

@Overthecamelhump I hear you! I had 3 lovely sleep well babies then I had my fourth who taught me that nothing I did right the first 3 times would work this time round. The lack of sleep is proper soul destroying and it's so hard! Just try to remember that it doesn't last forever and to take the rest when you can. Hope baby learns to settle through the night for you soon!
Part of my child's issue was eczema, ( itchy all over even when only a small patch somewhere) I dropped the daily baths and went to every 3rd day and it made such a difference to her. It only took me till she was nearly 2 to figure it out Blush

Augtwo · 08/09/2021 18:31

I think you need to be blunt OP and demand to see your doctor! Tell them it's really grinding you down! Surely they will see you F2F.

Original poster
Overthecamelhump · 08/09/2021 18:33

They won’t but even if they would …

When would I see them

What would they do?

OP posts:
candlelightsatdawn · 08/09/2021 18:33

@Overthecamelhump so firstly my DD was actually a demon at night. I typed into google why is my bloody fcking child not sleeping and someone had posted around sleep regressions and leaps. Previously had written this off a tosh but in my I will do anything I had a read and it aligned to her worst bouts of 2am, 3am,4am calls and although my DD was never a Brillant sleeper, she actually turned into the girl from the exorcist during one of those blasted leaps/regressions. I'm sure there's one at 10month. Not gonna lie the 18month one for me nearly had me swing from rafters.

Amazing the amount of people here shaming you for working, as per the course . I met one of the Mn in life and she was spouting off about how she could never abandon her little darlings to a stranger. At which i laughed out loud, and said I hope she knows that if her DH buggered off with a new women she would be up shit creek with a massive 4year gap on cv starting at the bottom. Was it kind no, did it feel good - yes 🙌🏻

ohfook · 08/09/2021 19:12

I've got no good advice but I really feel for you. Some babies are good sleepers and some aren't but one thing I've noticed is that those with good sleepers tend to think it's thanks to something they've done; it's not it's just luck of the draw.

All I can say is verrrrrry slowly a tiny bit at a time over months and years, it gets better. You won't notice it at first then one day you'll realise they've gone four hours without waking up then five - which is almost a full night.

Good luck op!

Suzi888 · 08/09/2021 19:52

“Reflux shouldn’t come at the same time (give it take 30 mins) a night. Or should it?”

Mine did. Would scream for six hours straight. We have a balcony and I often dreamed of launching her over it (joke). Took her to the G.P to check there was nothing physically wrong with her, as I was convinced there HAD to be a reason for non stop screaming. Nothing was wrong, it was just one of those things. G.P informed me that ‘babies cry sometimes’. Which I knew, but didn’t realise it would be quite as soul destroying.
Would baby go in a next to me crib… if the issue is putting baby down - so baby is with you but contained so can’t physically disturb you.
Could your partner do one night a week so you can have a rest?
Other than that, baby will eventually grow out of it!

whatfreshheck · 08/09/2021 20:12

You made "The Sun" OP.