How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

[Sophie1029734]

Im struggling to find a long enough gap in 18m olds routine to satisfy mil. She complains I dont stay longer than 1 30hr to 2 hours. I tend to go after her lunch up until her dinner time.

Here is the routine
Wakes between 7-8am
Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (30mins after wakeing)
Play time, gets cranky and clingy ready for her nap
10-11am nap
12-1pm wakes
Lunch 12.30-1.30pm
1-2pm comes out of highchair
3.30pm dinner
4.30 comes out of highchair
Play time
5.30 to 6pm bath
play time

8.00 bed

LO wont eat around other peoples houses and hasnt done since she was about 9m, I'll be lucky if she has a couple bites.. When I stay at my nans every 2 weeks for 3 days, she barely eats anything. Same with when we go out to eat. She also gets excited when we people crowd round her eating (which mil and everyone living there does) and demands to get out the chair. Mil says I should come earlier and give her lunch there or stay later and give her dinner there. She just wont eat it, I'd rather her feel comfortable.

shes going through sleep regression, its currently only affecting her naps. She spends most the morning clingy and cranky for her nap so takeing her in the morning isnt an option. All hell will break loose if anyone tries to play with her if she is tierd. There will be tantrums, crying, clingyness and not wanting to play with anyone. She now isnt napping till 12.30 till 1 despite being very tierd, this takes me to 2.30-3. Shea missing her lunch so wakes hungry for dinner. It's so difficult, I dont understand how I'm supposed to go round for 3 to 4 hours. I work round her routine, I dont change it to fit other peoples. How do people manage it

How far away is your MIL?

She is down the road, 3 min walk x

You go every day?!
No way, once a week, if that.

Just go for as long as you want! You are the one visiting, your MIL can fit in with you and should appreciate any visit , no matter how long. Baby comes first and her needs.

Can she come to your house instead so she eats as normal? And then she can go home when you need to put her down for a nap or whatever?

Also, is this every day?

Stop struggling to satisfy MIL, ignore her complaints.

2 hour visit is normal imo I mean it depends on distance but if granny is neat then 2 hours is fine. Mine are all grown now but we used to see Mil every other Sunday stay for dinner then go home and 1 day during the week for a few hours, your Dds routine looks really rigid but if it suits it suits

I'd get her to come to you if she wants a longer visit. Then you can keep your normal routine and she can stay as long as she likes.

Can't she come to you instead? Get her to help round the house lol

So she is down the road bugger that 2 hours every day I lived near my mum and we went twice a week

Your routine sounds really rigid. Why dinner 3 hours after lunch? Never heard of a 3.30 dinner?

Soon will be down to one nap then will open up more time for other things.

I would keep trying to feed her in other places or you’ll be tied to being home 3 times a day

Yeah, I don’t do visits longer than 2hrs with my 18mo for exactly these reasons. People can come to our house if they want to stay for longer and be a part of meal, bathtime etc.

Every day? What happens if you want to go on a full day out?

Other people manage by not having such fixed routines and refusing to have meals out of the house.

How far away is MIL's? On the face of it, your best option is to go when DD starts getting cranky for a morning nap so the movement involved in getting there sends her to sleep. Give her lunch at MIL's. Be militant about no one crowding round the chair. If she won't eat then give her a snack later or retry her with lunch when she is more receptive.

3.30pm for dinner is also incredibly early. I'm amazed your DC does not either get hungry later or wake up starving. I'd be tempted to go for a later dinner, and add a mid afternoon snack if she needs one. Then you have the alternative of going after lunch and staying for the whole afternoon if you insist on avoiding meals.

Yes get her to come round

How often are you going? And why can’t Mil come over to you?

OK - crossposted. If MIL is 3 minutes down the road, then more frequent short visits makes loads more sense. I'd assumed you must have at least (say) 30 minutes drive.

You know its OK for your baby to be distracted sometimes

As others get her to come to you.
If she's going down at 12:30 for a nap give her lunch before hand.
3:30 is early for dinner if bedtime is 8.

Could you meet her elsewhere at some point to vary it? Walk around the park or a garden centre with her and your DD perhaps? Just as an alternative, at a time to suit you.

Does she have nothing between dinner at 3.30 and breakfast at 7.30?
If that’s the case, you might find if you can space out her mealtimes a bit more then you’ll gain some more free time.
If you try doing that, don’t just suddenly do it, do it over the space of a week or 2

Mine didn’t have relatives nearby but also didn’t have really rigid routines either. Let mil take her for a walk in her buggy.

The Minute she’s tired strap her in and off you go or have a travel cot there. Just be a bit more flexible. Give lunch earlier - 1130/12. Go more often so she’s used to different places. Eating elsewhere too so she can be at grandmas or nannas and still play/sleep etc. I agree naps etc are important but so is getting out and about, I used to take kids out with me so I couldn’t have ds4 napping in the house all afternoon as I needed to pick ds1 &2 up from school or take them swimming or whatever it was on that day. But they would still sleep in pram or on me in sling. If your routines are too set, when something happens out of the ordinary they aren’t thrown right off they just readjust and sleep or eat elsewhere and it’s not a major drama. However I have 4 kids so am pretty laid back. I did have just one once and loved I could just take him anywhere.

No is a complete sentence. It doesn’t suit your baby so it doesn’t suit you. Get used to having to stand up to other people’s requests that don’t work for your children.

Before she would be round 5 days a week, sometimes every day and would always over stay her welcome. As time went on I kept telling her I'm busy, would put the bath on before she came so she had no choice but to leave, would alwyas say how busy I am. I couldnt hide my feelings anymore, the irritation on my face said it all.

She has relised her constant visits are irritating which I feel a bit bad abour because I do love her. But seeing my family that much would annoy me.
She had made comments about wanting to see me during her 2 days off work in the week and on the weekend. Ive completely ignored her comments.
She will come round once a week and I try to go every weekend but it's honestly hard finding a long enough gap in LOs routine. But I'd rather jump at going to her than her comeing to me because she would be here the whole day, I'm introverted and I love my space. I'm just struggling with giveing her more time.

Also yes she has snacks inbetween but I didnt want to make it too long 😁

Ah yes I’ve got a friend who I always go to otherwise I can’t get them to leave! Much easier to say right better be going at theirs then keep hinting for them to leave yours.

Everyday is excessive, I thought you meant maybe a weekly thing!