How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

[Sophie1029734]

Im struggling to find a long enough gap in 18m olds routine to satisfy mil. She complains I dont stay longer than 1 30hr to 2 hours. I tend to go after her lunch up until her dinner time.

Here is the routine
Wakes between 7-8am
Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (30mins after wakeing)
Play time, gets cranky and clingy ready for her nap
10-11am nap
12-1pm wakes
Lunch 12.30-1.30pm
1-2pm comes out of highchair
3.30pm dinner
4.30 comes out of highchair
Play time
5.30 to 6pm bath
play time

8.00 bed

LO wont eat around other peoples houses and hasnt done since she was about 9m, I'll be lucky if she has a couple bites.. When I stay at my nans every 2 weeks for 3 days, she barely eats anything. Same with when we go out to eat. She also gets excited when we people crowd round her eating (which mil and everyone living there does) and demands to get out the chair. Mil says I should come earlier and give her lunch there or stay later and give her dinner there. She just wont eat it, I'd rather her feel comfortable.

shes going through sleep regression, its currently only affecting her naps. She spends most the morning clingy and cranky for her nap so takeing her in the morning isnt an option. All hell will break loose if anyone tries to play with her if she is tierd. There will be tantrums, crying, clingyness and not wanting to play with anyone. She now isnt napping till 12.30 till 1 despite being very tierd, this takes me to 2.30-3. Shea missing her lunch so wakes hungry for dinner. It's so difficult, I dont understand how I'm supposed to go round for 3 to 4 hours. I work round her routine, I dont change it to fit other peoples. How do people manage it

I do wonder if MILs suggestion of spending a longer period of time with your daughter may be her way of trying to help you, to encourage your daughter to become more used to eating elsewhere and to get you out of your routine and comfort zone.
It seems that she may want to help you and you should accept this. It would be unusual for someone so close not to intervene here.

The throwing food and playing up at meal times seems pretty normal for the age tbh, and it will pass when she is more used to eating in a different environment. Interaction during meal times is so important to build a positive association with food for little ones. Do you have ever have meals together with other people? Go to cafes / restaurants?
Be prepared that your daughter will not want to sit in a highchair for so long every day for much longer!

Best advice would be to let your daughter spend longer at MILs, perhaps a full afternoon once a week without you there and on someone else's routine. You don't need to be there if you don't want to spend more time with MIL.

I find the crankyness two hours after waking from 11/12hrs sleep odd for an 18 month old. Would you consider maybe cutting out the post bath time play time, so trying a slightly later bath and earlier 7pm bedtime with a delayed morning nap?

I think she just isn’t hungry enough with such small gaps between meals.
Most children have around 10-12hrs per day to eat three meals ( and any snacks), ie 8am breakfast, 1pm lunch, 6pm dinner. So around 5+ hours between meals.
If she’s finishing lunch at 1.30pm, there is no way she will be hungry enough for a full dinner 2 hrs later.

Do you intend to work OP? Did your parents work? Does your partner work? I cannot fathom this early eating if anyone in your family had a job?!

I don’t get home until 5.30pm everyday! I eat my tea at 8pm 🙈 I’m a size 10, healthy. I don’t store far cos I eat a couple hours before bed.. really not how it works at all!

When I was at school, I went to after school club & my mum picked me up at 4.30 after age finished work, home & tea would be 5.30ish. My kids eat at 5/5.30, again after they finish nursery, are picked up their Dad and he gets home & cooks.

But anyway, just be a bit more flexible I recon. You def don’t need to see anyone every single day. But your little one needs to get used to a more flexible schedule & eating in different places etc! Why not take her out for lunch yourself? Just go to a cafe you like a few times & keep plugging away at getting her to eat in a new environment!

If you can't have more flexibility in your routine, then why not let her come round to give DD her lunch or dinner? And you can get on with whatever you have to do in the house and MiL can see DD - win win.

Also, if DD gets out of her high chair between 1:30 & 2, and she's back in for dinner at 3, that's not very long between meals. I would suggest scrapping the play time between bath and bed, and moving dinner to 4:30/5? Then bath at 6:30/7?

My dd is 20 months but we've had the following routine since she was 14 months:
6-7am wakes
7:30am breakfast
11am nap for 1.5hrs max
12:30/1pm lunch
5:30/6pm dinner
7pm bath
7:30/8pm bed

It gives a lot more flexibility between meals and nap times.
You do need to encourage her to eat out of the home too. Not just to appease your MIL but to give you more freedom during the day.
I would also reduce/get rid of snacks until meal times are under control.

Why don’t you take her after breakfast and get back for lunch then she can have a nap after lunch?

If I visit my in laws I go after breakfast. My DD is 15 months and usually naps 10-12 atm (transitioning to 1 nap) but if I take her out, she’ll nap after lunch. If I try that at home she’s cranky and moody, but if I take her out she’s fine cause she’s distracted.

If you don't t like main meal later try it at lunchtime and a lighter meal/tea at 5/6pm. It does sound overly prescriptive a routine and too much time sitting. When do you fit in activities like going to the park? If mil is so close ring her and say we're off to x so can meet you there. As you are so close by can you not play the day more by ear, if dc takes an earlier nap you can be flexible, ring her up as you have more time.

Can’t your partner take her to his parents at the weekend?

Sorry OP I haven’t read the full thread so this has probably already been said but have you considered that her being cranky in the morning might well be because she’s hungry? If mine have a very light dinner (at 530) they are ravenous the following morning and could eat for England. If your DD is having a light snack before going to bed this could well be affecting her mood when she’s awake. Most kids in my experience are pretty jolly in the mornings if they’ve had a good night’s sleep. Just might be something to consider if you’re tweaking her day as a result of this thread. I hope you’re ok.

"Going to bed with food in your stomach doesnt mean it gets stored as fat. Thats totally wrong. Also digestion doesnt stop when you sleep, its slows down, but it doesnt stop. Please educate yourself on food, nutrients, digestion etc before you pass this rubbish on to your DD."

Go to Spain where they eat their last meal at 10pm with bed at around 12! Granted it's not the main meal of the day, but they seem to manage going to bed quite soon after eating.