How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

[Sophie1029734]

Im struggling to find a long enough gap in 18m olds routine to satisfy mil. She complains I dont stay longer than 1 30hr to 2 hours. I tend to go after her lunch up until her dinner time.

Here is the routine
Wakes between 7-8am
Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (30mins after wakeing)
Play time, gets cranky and clingy ready for her nap
10-11am nap
12-1pm wakes
Lunch 12.30-1.30pm
1-2pm comes out of highchair
3.30pm dinner
4.30 comes out of highchair
Play time
5.30 to 6pm bath
play time

8.00 bed

LO wont eat around other peoples houses and hasnt done since she was about 9m, I'll be lucky if she has a couple bites.. When I stay at my nans every 2 weeks for 3 days, she barely eats anything. Same with when we go out to eat. She also gets excited when we people crowd round her eating (which mil and everyone living there does) and demands to get out the chair. Mil says I should come earlier and give her lunch there or stay later and give her dinner there. She just wont eat it, I'd rather her feel comfortable.

shes going through sleep regression, its currently only affecting her naps. She spends most the morning clingy and cranky for her nap so takeing her in the morning isnt an option. All hell will break loose if anyone tries to play with her if she is tierd. There will be tantrums, crying, clingyness and not wanting to play with anyone. She now isnt napping till 12.30 till 1 despite being very tierd, this takes me to 2.30-3. Shea missing her lunch so wakes hungry for dinner. It's so difficult, I dont understand how I'm supposed to go round for 3 to 4 hours. I work round her routine, I dont change it to fit other peoples. How do people manage it

OP, you don't want to spend any longer at MIL's, so why are you asking for ways to make it possible?

Are you just hoping everybody will agree with you that it isn't possible?

Just set your boundaries with MIL then ignore any complaining. Agree with PP, your DP/H can be doing the weekend visit.

I do think you're routine needs tweaking. Dinner is very early at 3,30pm. Mine is a little older than 18 months but generally, lunch 11.30, nap soon after 12pm, wake at 2pm snack etc then dinner 5pm. Bed at 7pm.
So we have 3 hours between waking up and dinner we can do stuff- or we stay for dinner wherever we are, or again 3 hours in the morning before lunch.

3/3.30 should be a snack then dinner at 5.30/6.

But if you only want to visit you mil for a couple of hours that’s fine.

I don't know why 'comes out of high chair' is something you need to plan for, the times also make no sense. Does she only nap in the morning?

Have you looked at the nap schedule 2/3/4? So child wakes say 8am, nap 2 hours later 10am, then 3 hours after wake up is 2nd nap, then 4 hours after that wake up is bedtime. That works for us until dropped to 1 nap a day. But 1 nap was always in the afternoon, 1230-1430

How often do you see your own family, do other things? Can your DH take LO to your MIL at the weekend, so he can deal with cranky baby if necessary?

Her meals time work well for us, today I made her bannana and oat pancakes with cooked strawberry and blueberrys. Lunch ahe had a sandwich with tuna and sticks if cucumber. Dinner I'm makeing her mest free meatball in sauce with pasta. Later she will have a peice of toast and spiced apple and pears. I dont know if people are getting confused with what I mean by lunch/dinner xx

Is LO your first? Honestly you are way too focused on a routine, just go with it. You LO doesn’t need to do set things at the same time every day!

Relax the routine a little. Drop her off at mil for the afternoon & have a few hrs to yourself?

Does she need such a rigid routine? I know some kids do, but we never had one with DD. We've just always gone with the flow and it does make fitting things in a lot easier when you aren't clock-watching! We've always just done stuff whenever and adapted everything else to fit. That said, I wouldn't be seeing her every day for sure!

Why does it take an hour to eat each meal?

If she’s going to provide lots of childcare later on then it makes sense to see her often and also, you’re sort of raising the child together. If you’re just seeing her socially a couple of hours once a week is ample.

Also she probably isn't eating in other places as she just isn't used to being elsewhere as you're just at home a lot for meals. I think I'd be going out more, not less. We did a lot of picnics and eating in various places on walks and stuff when DD was so young and portable! You could try her on the floor on a picnic rug or something and let her just have food to try. Even now at 2.5 DD sometimes asks for a 'picnic lunch!' in the house. I would find it very restrictive to be stuck in for such long portions of the day.

Whilst the food sounds lovely, it just seems early for dinner.
Then you said she goes down 12:30 for a nap so misses lunch, give lunch before her nap.
Then the times of when she gets out her high chair just seem a lot and I've never seen them added to a routine before 😂

Also, if it suits you it’s okay not to have a routine. You’ll get into a pattern naturally and most kids are adaptable. If you like structure then go for it!

3.30 seems incredibly early for dinner! I’ve never known anyone to give their kid dinner in the middle of the afternoon... Most 18mos on routines tend to have an early lunch, one big nap afterwards, and dinner at 5/530. It’s popular because it works for most of them abs it also works for parents as it means you get a good solid stretch of time in the morning and afternoon when you can go out and do stuff. Given your issues with your MIL it might be worth trying! Also you say she’s going through a sleep regression but that could be because you’re still trying to cram in two naps a day...

Well go as long as you like, and every day visit seems ott. But I def have longer than 90min gaps with 15 month old.

All approximately, but:
8am Breakfast
12pm lunch
1-3pm nap. Milk and snack after.
6.30/7pm dinner
8/8.30pm bed.

No one is confused
Your routine is just slightly off

My 18 month old wakes at 7, has breakfast.
Snack at 10
Lunch at 12
Nap 12.30-3.30 (3 on a school run day)
Snack at 3.30
Dinner at 5.30/6
Bed at 7

Also the more you feed her out and about the more she’ll get used to it.

17 month old:

Breakfast 7am
Snack 10am
Lunch 12pm
Nap 12.30-2 pm
Dinner 5pm
Bed 7pm

So we have a good 3-4 hours in the morning before lunch and 3 hours between nap and dinner.

Why can't your mil come to you? Why are you going out of your way to fit her in everyday it's a bit much

Your routine is very unusual ? Lunch followed swiftly by dinner mid afternoon?

she is only going to get used to eating somewhere else if you give her enough opportunities.

however, it is possible your MIL is overbearing and so you are creating this routine as am excuse to manage her time expectations?

Why not get out and about and be busy instead?

I think sticking completely rigidly to a routine with no deviation at all means then when you do need to do something unexpected ie hospital visit or a funeral or a work interview or a special occasion then the child is just then completely distraught and can’t cope at all. Does this mean you can now never go on holiday? I do think you are being a bit hypocritical that you are prepared to disrupt you child’s ‘routine’ for 3 days every fortnight to see you family but won’t entertain the idea of disrupting it for a couple of hours to have a longer visits with your in-laws.

I never had a routine with any of my 3, they’d sleep in the buggy or the car or the car seat or someone’s sofa etc etc, they’d eat food while out and about. Means as they get older they aren’t phased about going for a meal or sleeping if there’s a little bit of noise etc.

As others have said, your routine seems a bit odd.
7.30/8 - breakfast
8-9 Get dressed and ready
9.30-12.00 - out to classes, swimming, shops, friends, house stuff, park, play, etc etc
1-2.30 - nap
2.30-5 - classes, park, play, etc etc
5-6.30 - dinner
6.30-7.30 - bath, story, bed
All times are approximate.

You absolutely do not need to see your MIL every day - and when you do go, only go for an hour or so.

I don't think anyone is confused by the words lunch and dinner. It's that dinner is so early! Leaving MIL aside when do you have time to do anything?! DS used to have an early nap at about 11am so I'd be out the door at 9am to do something then out again at 2pm after he'd had his sleep and lunch. I can't imagine then having to cut our afternoon short to give him another meal at 3.30.