Page 4 | How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

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Nahhh · 22/08/2021 19:20

Your routine sounds very OTT to me, children have to get used to eating outside of their home and she seems to spend forever in the highchair actually eating. Did I read correctly that lunch takes about an hour and a half?

That being said. I wouldn’t be visiting my MiL everyday.

BeaBeaBuzz · 22/08/2021 19:53

But your routine isn’t working for you? It’s making it impossible for you to do anything meaningful during the day. Give a snack at 3pm and dinner at 5- problem solved you have 3-4 hr block free every afternoon noon. By no means are you obliged to spend this with MIL though.

2bazookas · 22/08/2021 20:08

just a comment; does she really spend 2 hours daily in her highchair?

and dinner at 3.30 seems early, A long time til bed at 8....

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 22/08/2021 20:11

Thing is OP, a routine should sort of mimic a 'standard' day because thats what we're trying to set them up for.

It also doesnt work for you, you have no meaningful time to do anything. MIL aside, where do you find the time to go out and about with her? What do you do of a day?

Caspianberg · 22/08/2021 20:13

I’m confused, does she eat lunch then stay in highchair an hour. Followed by dinner and staying in highchair another hour?

From your list it sounds like she starts lunch at 12.30, then basically stays in high chair until 4.30pm?

NavigatingAdolescence · 22/08/2021 20:15

@Sophie1029734

Im struggling to find a long enough gap in 18m olds routine to satisfy mil. She complains I dont stay longer than 1 30hr to 2 hours. I tend to go after her lunch up until her dinner time.

Here is the routine
Wakes between 7-8am
Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (30mins after wakeing)
Play time, gets cranky and clingy ready for her nap
10-11am nap
12-1pm wakes
Lunch 12.30-1.30pm
1-2pm comes out of highchair
3.30pm dinner
4.30 comes out of highchair
Play time
5.30 to 6pm bath
play time

8.00 bed

LO wont eat around other peoples houses and hasnt done since she was about 9m, I'll be lucky if she has a couple bites.. When I stay at my nans every 2 weeks for 3 days, she barely eats anything. Same with when we go out to eat. She also gets excited when we people crowd round her eating (which mil and everyone living there does) and demands to get out the chair. Mil says I should come earlier and give her lunch there or stay later and give her dinner there. She just wont eat it, I'd rather her feel comfortable.

shes going through sleep regression, its currently only affecting her naps. She spends most the morning clingy and cranky for her nap so takeing her in the morning isnt an option. All hell will break loose if anyone tries to play with her if she is tierd. There will be tantrums, crying, clingyness and not wanting to play with anyone. She now isnt napping till 12.30 till 1 despite being very tierd, this takes me to 2.30-3. Shea missing her lunch so wakes hungry for dinner. It's so difficult, I dont understand how I'm supposed to go round for 3 to 4 hours. I work round her routine, I dont change it to fit other peoples. How do people manage it

So you deliberately enable your daughter not eating for 6 days a month (min) but it’s a massive issue for a couple of hours once a week at your MIL’s? Okaaaaaaaay.

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 22/08/2021 20:29

I dont deliberately not let her eat when I go to my nans, it's the only way I can see my grandparents and family as we arent close. We try to stick to her routine and leave her alone as she eats, but she just doesnt eat much. I guess our feeding routine works for us, it's the time I eat too and have done since I can remeber. I always had my main meal between 3-4 and have lunch at 11. It's just what I know. I find that's when she gets hungry too, probabaly because she is used to the routine.

Also LO is a slow eater, she can be in there for 30 mins to an hour. She calls me when she is finished, I'll sit on the couch or be nearby waiting. I'll get her out and clean her up and play with her.

I go out after her lunch, she usually sleeps in the morning but with the sleep regression it's a bit everywhere.

Maybe I am stuck in the routine because I like structure. I dont sit looking at the clock waiting it just comes naturally to me. With these comments maybe I should start relaxing with it and chill out

OP posts:

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 22/08/2021 20:36

it's the time I eat too and have done since I can remeber. I always had my main meal between 3-4 and have lunch at 11.

What did you do when you went to school? Have you ever worked?

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 22/08/2021 20:40

Also her lunch is usually at 11 but I've had to make it later because she was sleeping at 10 to 2-2.3hrs. Today she had lunch at 11 because she didnt sleep through that time I think she is changing nap routine so it's in the afternoon

OP posts:

Givemebackmylilo · 22/08/2021 20:40

Also LO is a slow eater, she can be in there for 30 mins to an hour. She calls me when she is finished, I'll sit on the couch or be nearby waiting. I'll get her out and clean her up and play with her.

Sorry, you leave your child to eat by themselves?!

fruitbrewhaha · 22/08/2021 20:45

just tell her your busy.

I'd try getting her to nap in the morning earlier, straight after having some breakfast at say 9. She is probably going to long before and then not able to get to sleep as over tired.

User16838 · 22/08/2021 20:45

This is one of the strangest things I’ve ever read on MN

cookingisoverrated · 22/08/2021 20:47

Make it your DH's problem to solve.

User16838 · 22/08/2021 20:48

Surely you know that most people don’t eat their dinner/evening meal between 3-4pm? How would anyone have a job? What about kids at school/nursery etc?

Maybe your LO is taking an hour to eat her dinner because she’s not hungry enough after only recently having had lunch? If you just gave her a snack like a banana or some crackers at 3 then she would be hungry for a proper dinner at 5-6pm.

Also please don’t leave your child to eat in their high chair unattended, she could choke. Choking is silent and you wouldn’t hear her to go and help

Starjammer · 22/08/2021 21:00

Yes this a bit peculiar. Definitely don't leave your child to eat in another room! DD is 2.5 and I still make sure she isn't ever unattended when eating. You don't necessarily have to sit at the table with her, but being in the same room with a constant visual of her is a must, especially at that age.

It's a very long time for a young child to go without food. I'm all for flexible routines, but she goes to bed quite late in the first place, so no food since 3ish and then overnight means she is going 15/16 hours without food, which is way too long IMO.

It does seem like a very rigid routine that crams her food into a very few hours in the day. I'm not surprised she doesn't eat much later on in the day when she's given three meals in seven hours, and two of them in such close proximity. I'd relax it, don't clock watch, give her dinner at a proper dinner time, don't leave her in the highchair for hours, and just get on with life.

Starjammer · 22/08/2021 21:02

Do you ever eat meals with her, OP? Does she get to see you and your partner eating meals and share in them with you?

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 22/08/2021 21:11

I'm 22, I've never worked. I finished college at 21. College meal times were different everyday. In primary school i finished 3.30 and dinner was ready on the table when we got in. For high school i dont remeber one bit, I had anorexia so i honestly couldnt tell you.. But 3 - 4 is when my family eat so it's just what I'm used to. I dont see how it's a bad time, for me eating your main meal 6 hours before sleep is weird, you end up sleeping with undigested food which in turn is stored as fat. It also leaves you bloated and gives me indigestion.
My main meal at 3-4 keeps me full till the morning, sometimes I'll have a snack. I understand if you eat after work which can be later but to do it bt choice, Its weird.

OP posts:

Happyface120 · 22/08/2021 21:16

Gosh OP, you sound like you have some food issues yourself. Maybe it is best to follow the lead of others with your DC, as you really don't want to pass these on. I can't imagine having left one of my DC in the highchair for an hour whilst I sat on the sofa...

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 22/08/2021 21:16

@Sophie1029734

I'm 22, I've never worked. I finished college at 21. College meal times were different everyday. In primary school i finished 3.30 and dinner was ready on the table when we got in. For high school i dont remeber one bit, I had anorexia so i honestly couldnt tell you.. But 3 - 4 is when my family eat so it's just what I'm used to. I dont see how it's a bad time, for me eating your main meal 6 hours before sleep is weird, you end up sleeping with undigested food which in turn is stored as fat. It also leaves you bloated and gives me indigestion. My main meal at 3-4 keeps me full till the morning, sometimes I'll have a snack. I understand if you eat after work which can be later but to do it bt choice, Its weird.

Going to bed with food in your stomach doesnt mean it gets stored as fat. Thats totally wrong. Also digestion doesnt stop when you sleep, its slows down, but it doesnt stop. Please educate yourself on food, nutrients, digestion etc before you pass this rubbish on to your DD.

User16838 · 22/08/2021 21:17

Sorry to derail but your family all eat their main meal at 3-4pm? As adults? Do they work? I’ve honestly never heard of this as a time for a main meal unless someone is on shift work etc. 3pm is too late to be lunch and too early to be dinner.

But anyway there is a very easy solution like pp have said. Lunch at 11.30 or 12 and then take her out. Snack at 3 while you’re out. If she doesn’t eat it then it doesn’t matter, it’s only a snack. Dinner at 5pm like most other toddlers. Job done.

Unless you don’t want to visit your MIL in which case that’s fine just don’t go.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/08/2021 21:17

When does DH eat?

Happyface120 · 22/08/2021 21:22

Also, you'd hate it here- we've just had our dinner- sat down at 9 for it, will be in bed for 11!

Starjammer · 22/08/2021 21:24

But gently, OP, it's not all about what suits you. 18-month-old children don't need to worry about how fat is stored. They need regular, healthy food and not to go 16 hours without any food and then have it all crammed into the remaining hours. I can get by with different eating schedules, but I make sure my daughter is eating regularly and at sensible times.

Boatonthehorizon · 22/08/2021 21:24

Your routine too rigid.
Mine was 7 - 8 Breakfasts, getting dressed
8 - 9 School run
Back home. Wash load on etc. Baby hopefully playing happily in bouncer. Or asleep in pram / car seat.
10 to 11.45 mum and baby groups. I did these every day mon to fri, different ones and have made lifelong friends. Not for me all day at home.
12 to 12.30 Lunch
12.30 to 3 play/ nap / out again to soft play / friends / family. Sometimes straight there from playgroup.
3 to 4 school run
4 to 7 after school snack / play / nap for baby as needed / park sometimes / after school clubs for older kids / dinner usually at 6pm/6.30ish
6.45ish bath
7ish bed (Usually bit later 😁)

7pm to 7am is 12 hours sleep. Plenty I think , Ill have to look up the charts.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/08/2021 21:26

Just finished ours too @Happyface120 although we now have a teenager rather than a toddler

DS has never eaten between 3 - 4. Also as he got older he had after school activities which could push his tea time even later

How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

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