How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

[Sophie1029734]

Im struggling to find a long enough gap in 18m olds routine to satisfy mil. She complains I dont stay longer than 1 30hr to 2 hours. I tend to go after her lunch up until her dinner time.

Here is the routine
Wakes between 7-8am
Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (30mins after wakeing)
Play time, gets cranky and clingy ready for her nap
10-11am nap
12-1pm wakes
Lunch 12.30-1.30pm
1-2pm comes out of highchair
3.30pm dinner
4.30 comes out of highchair
Play time
5.30 to 6pm bath
play time

8.00 bed

LO wont eat around other peoples houses and hasnt done since she was about 9m, I'll be lucky if she has a couple bites.. When I stay at my nans every 2 weeks for 3 days, she barely eats anything. Same with when we go out to eat. She also gets excited when we people crowd round her eating (which mil and everyone living there does) and demands to get out the chair. Mil says I should come earlier and give her lunch there or stay later and give her dinner there. She just wont eat it, I'd rather her feel comfortable.

shes going through sleep regression, its currently only affecting her naps. She spends most the morning clingy and cranky for her nap so takeing her in the morning isnt an option. All hell will break loose if anyone tries to play with her if she is tierd. There will be tantrums, crying, clingyness and not wanting to play with anyone. She now isnt napping till 12.30 till 1 despite being very tierd, this takes me to 2.30-3. Shea missing her lunch so wakes hungry for dinner. It's so difficult, I dont understand how I'm supposed to go round for 3 to 4 hours. I work round her routine, I dont change it to fit other peoples. How do people manage it

Get MIL to pop round to yours a couple of times a week or you to hers. It's pretty easy to fit an hour's visit in like that and if MIL wants more, then tough. Your dd will be going round there of her own accord in a few years anyway. Trust me, the years between baby and pre-teen/teenage go by very fast!

You do sound as if you don't like your MIL, though. If it's OK for you go and stay at your own nan's every fortnight surely you can find time to squeeze MIL in somewhere?

I wouldn’t.

That sounds like a job for DH at the weekend

Take her first thing in the morning, like 8am. Then bring her home once she gets cranky. Or leave her with MiL and let her deal with crankiness.

I think your schedule will need revising soon - if she's only having one nap, that's a very long afternoon, and are you saying that she doesn't eat from 3;30 until 8am the next morning? That's quite unusual. I'm trying to think why she's cranky in the morning so soon after waking up.
I know you haven't asked, but I 'd tweak her routine, see if you can get her to eat something before her nap so that she's not missing out on lunch.
It may do her good to get her used to eating with other people, but she probably finds it too interesting! If she's a poor eater you won't want her being distracted.
I think MiL is a red herring actually, I think the routine no longer works for you or DD ( as is normal, babies change a lot and what suited a few weeks ago might not work now). On the other hand, it sounds like she sleeps well at night so you might not want to put that at risk.
Meanwhile, don't feel that you've got to go to MiL regularly or daily or for long periods of time. Short but frequent visits might well work better for you and DD, and that's Ok.

The thing is though, it’s hard to use the “she can’t eat so we have to be at home to eat” line alongside “for 3/14 days I don’t care if she doesn’t eat because that’s my family”.

You need to get her used to eating outside the home.

It's no really realistic or fair on your to have to go around every day

however

Your routine sounds ridiculously rigid and with no flexibility

However, everyday is too much, but you cannot be this rigid forever.

Dinner at 3.30pm

I'd start pushing that meal back to 5pm, she can have a snack at 3 if you think she's ravenous! She should be eating with you where possible.

Push the dinner back to 5.30 or 6, and give her a snack at 3ish instead. Then you have the entire afternoon. She may or may not eat her snack but it doesnt matter so much.

It sounds like your dd wants a later nap, so I would do lunch before nap, give a snack on waking and then do dinner later. This will give you a longer afternoon to do things for you, and that any or may not include visiting MiL!

Also the enire free afternoon doesnt always have to be spent with your MIL. It would open your afternoons up loads for other things. I dont know whats around you but aquarium/beach/woods/parks? That way you can legit say you're busy 😂

*may not any

3.30pm dinner for a 8pm bedtime? Surely you're making this way more difficult for yourself. You can't do anything properly of an afternoon. Is she starving by midnight?!

Get your H/P to take her round at the weekend. Have some time to yourself. Be busy on other days.

3.30 dinner having only got down from the highchair at 2pm from lunch?! 3.30 is the middle of the afternoon!

Weirdest routine I have ever seen I'm gonna be honest @Sophie1029734
1-2 "comes out of high chair" I just don't get that...and then an hour and a half later she's back in for more food. Does she just live in the high chair??

Have also just realised that on some days they are awake for 8 hours. That's a long awake window!

@DelicateFuckingFlower

Dinner at 3.30pm

I'd start pushing that meal back to 5pm, she can have a snack at 3 if you think she's ravenous! She should be eating with you where possible.

I agree. 3.30 is very very early for dinner. Does she have a lot of mind overnight still?

I'd tell her we're to go. 2mins is enough with my mil never mind 2 hours

That is a bizarre routine for an 18 month old. Is she just left in the high chair after meals for ages? And dinner less than 2 hours after lunch? It all seems far too rigid and early to be honest. Your mil may have a point that you need to be more flexible even if you don't use that flexibility to go visit her.

Leave it to your husband to sort out socialising with your MIL

@BeHappyAndSmile

That is a bizarre routine for an 18 month old. Is she just left in the high chair after meals for ages? And dinner less than 2 hours after lunch? It all seems far too rigid and early to be honest. Your mil may have a point that you need to be more flexible even if you don't use that flexibility to go visit her.

Agree with this

My 18mo wakes at 6.30/7. Has breakfast and we do whatever until dinner about 12/1 then he has a 45 min nap, then tea at 5 bath then bed at 6.10 (he usually takes himself to bed!) such a big gap between dinner snd bed and a lot of sleeping

I'd see MIL less but go for longer and give dd lunch or whatever whilst there. If she doesn't eat much at one meal its not the end of the world she will catch up later in the day. Dd needs to get used to eating out of the home.
Tbh I'd work up to MiL having her a couple of mornings a week so you get a break.
The sleep regression won't last for ever

Also we do lunch before naps. Her nap is very early.

To be honest now she's only having one nap you have a lot of time to be flexible with.
You don't have to be strict on routine at this age.
You can go on a morning, give her dinner at MIL then come home for nap.
She needs to get used to eating out, give her her food and just leave her to it, no fuss etc.
Or if it works better, go after nap, snack at MIL and home for tea (I would push tea back from 15:30)

OP if helps heres my 17mo routine -

0630 - wake. Breakfast sometime after.
1000 - snack
1130 - lunch
1200 - nap
1430 - wake
1730 - dinner
1830 - bath
1900ish - sleep

The only thing I like to be home for is his nap. Otherwise the day is wide open. Agree with PP, she does need to learn to eat elsewhere. Does she go to daycare?

While I don’t think you should spend any more time with MIL or feel that you need to see her for any longer I think your routine is far too rigid.

I presume you don’t work? It must really limit your life living like this? What if you had an older child? You never go anywhere for any period of time?! I think you need to persevere with sleeping and eating out of the house.