How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

[Sophie1029734]

Im struggling to find a long enough gap in 18m olds routine to satisfy mil. She complains I dont stay longer than 1 30hr to 2 hours. I tend to go after her lunch up until her dinner time.

Here is the routine
Wakes between 7-8am
Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (30mins after wakeing)
Play time, gets cranky and clingy ready for her nap
10-11am nap
12-1pm wakes
Lunch 12.30-1.30pm
1-2pm comes out of highchair
3.30pm dinner
4.30 comes out of highchair
Play time
5.30 to 6pm bath
play time

8.00 bed

LO wont eat around other peoples houses and hasnt done since she was about 9m, I'll be lucky if she has a couple bites.. When I stay at my nans every 2 weeks for 3 days, she barely eats anything. Same with when we go out to eat. She also gets excited when we people crowd round her eating (which mil and everyone living there does) and demands to get out the chair. Mil says I should come earlier and give her lunch there or stay later and give her dinner there. She just wont eat it, I'd rather her feel comfortable.

shes going through sleep regression, its currently only affecting her naps. She spends most the morning clingy and cranky for her nap so takeing her in the morning isnt an option. All hell will break loose if anyone tries to play with her if she is tierd. There will be tantrums, crying, clingyness and not wanting to play with anyone. She now isnt napping till 12.30 till 1 despite being very tierd, this takes me to 2.30-3. Shea missing her lunch so wakes hungry for dinner. It's so difficult, I dont understand how I'm supposed to go round for 3 to 4 hours. I work round her routine, I dont change it to fit other peoples. How do people manage it

What about the days when they won't get in the highchair? Or sit down to eat? Or is that just my sons?

Ah Op, everyone is focusing on your routine but this has come about as people wonder why you are not out and about in the afternoon rather than serving tea at 3.30. The point of your post was to do with your MIL wanting more time with your DD. Can you just ask your partner to speak to his mum and arrange the visit times around when he is at home or you both go there together once a week with your DD and you go another afternoon with your DD? It's up to you of course when you feed your DD! But hopefully for you both you are getting out and about as much as you can. Routines will always change as they get older.

It isnt night time but I guess it feels like that when eating so late.
Damn so many people heated about the eating routine, theres no reason it's bad.. it's just different to what you may be used to. She is getting fed well, she is hungry at those times, she is the happiest little soul. Some of you are incinuating that I'm a crap mum or doing things wrong just because it isnt your normal.

Some really concerning things here OP, the rigidity of your routine, the fact you are happy for you LO to eat nothing 6/28 days to see your family, the weird mealtimes that you claim not to know are odd, leaving your child in a highchair until she shouts to be out ( and clearly you are not sitting in front of her engaging with her when she is in the high chair), your own eating disorders permeating onto your child (I this, I that) and quite a lot more.
In the nicest possible way can I suggest you spend plenty of time reading about how to raise a child, and ask your HV if there are some parenting courses available, none of this is about contact with your MIL.

@Sophie1029734 having such rigid times stops you doing things too, not just visiting your MIL. Do you go to any baby/toddler activities?

Having tea at 3 means you are stuck in the house from that time, whereas you could be going for a walk, playing at the park etc. Do you meet up with other mums?

@Sophie1029734

It isnt night time but I guess it feels like that when eating so late. Damn so many people heated about the eating routine, theres no reason it's bad.. it's just different to what you may be used to. She is getting fed well, she is hungry at those times, she is the happiest little soul. Some of you are incinuating that I'm a crap mum or doing things wrong just because it isnt your normal.

....but you're still selectively answering posts.

I would suggest this routine:
Get up 7am Goes to bed 8pm. That leaves 13 hours in the day.
Try 7.30 to 8 breakfast. Spoon fed to baby imo but that might be old fashioned.
8 to 1 FOUR hours play / nap /:out and about / anything. Snacks as needed.
1 to 1.30 lunch fed to baby as above.
1.30 to 5.30 FOUR hours play / nap / out and about. Snack as needed.
5.30 to 6pm Dinner. Can be moved later :)
6pm to 8pm. Evening routine. Snack if wanted.

I mean this kindly but youre letting mealtimes dominate your life and its not healthy. If your school age child wants to do clubs will you insist on 3pm meal? What did you do all evening, 4pm to 8pm, as a child, if not have dinner?

What are you going to do when she starts school?

Lunch times at school are between 12-1:30 depending on the school and there’s no way you can get home from school and eat a full dinner by 3:30! Especially if you have afterschool clubs etc. Also when she has friends over or goes to friends for tea they will be wanting it at the more ‘normal’ time of 5-6ish.
Have you never worked in your life? I can’t see if you have how you managed to have your main meal at 3:30!! It’s also generally frowned upon to take your lunch break at 11am unless you are doing an early shift eg 6am start!
Does you DH not work? If he does does that mean you never eat a meal together? That’s not nice for him.

@Sophie1029734

I'm 22, I've never worked. I finished college at 21. College meal times were different everyday. In primary school i finished 3.30 and dinner was ready on the table when we got in. For high school i dont remeber one bit, I had anorexia so i honestly couldnt tell you.. But 3 - 4 is when my family eat so it's just what I'm used to. I dont see how it's a bad time, for me eating your main meal 6 hours before sleep is weird, you end up sleeping with undigested food which in turn is stored as fat. It also leaves you bloated and gives me indigestion. My main meal at 3-4 keeps me full till the morning, sometimes I'll have a snack. I understand if you eat after work which can be later but to do it bt choice, Its weird.

Undigested broccoli won’t make you fat.

All the processed stuff you’re putting in your daughter (biscuits, crisps, toast) might though.

Hi OP sorry I know this isn't what you asked but do you actually leave the toom whilst she is eating? As that is a significant choking risk, just wanted to make sure you knew x

Your day is dictated by meals - especially if your dd won’t eat elsewhere. I would be tempted to eat out more so that’s she gets used to it. Does this also mean you are always at home from 3.30pm every day? That’s a long evening for everyone. If you pushed it back to even 4.45/5pm it would give you far more flexibility to not only visit your MIL but do other things.

I dont think its okay she eats little at my grandparents, its bothers us all but what am I supposed to do, not see them? I stay there for 3 days so hopefully over time she will get used to eating out. I dont like doing meal times at mils because they just stand there watching her eat, LO puts on a show by throwing the food everywhere and demanding to get out so I've just stayed away from doing it again.

Personally I dont think the eating routine is odd but I can see how it is restrictive.

@Sophie1029734

It isnt night time but I guess it feels like that when eating so late. Damn so many people heated about the eating routine, theres no reason it's bad.. it's just different to what you may be used to. She is getting fed well, she is hungry at those times, she is the happiest little soul. Some of you are incinuating that I'm a crap mum or doing things wrong just because it isnt your normal.

And now you're on the defensive 😅

It's not "night" feeding your child after 3:30pm. A normal dinner time is 5-6pm. I eat roughly one, maybe two meals a day because that's all I need and have been the same for years. That doesn't mean I impose the same rules upon DC. What's normal for you isn't what is right for your child. You haven't been aware up until reading the replies on here that dinner time is generally later on?! Never leave a child this age eating unsupervised. You need to seriously rethink your imposed routine and supervision. This is bloody weird.

OP are you engaging with your HV? How about having a chat with them and seeing what they think?

To add, I was a lone parent at 22 so had to figure it all out myself. I stuck to routine because it worked but what you describe is off kilter.

But what's wrong with watching a toddler eat? Especially when they are at risk of choking at this age? Is this because you don't like people watching you eat that you are projecting this onto her?

Yes my dd2 was a good thrower! Drove me mad. If I made something very messy I used to give her some finger food to play with while I kept her main meal away from her and fed her myself. Encouraged independence yet avoided throwing things like tomato sauces at the walls.

Sit down and eat with her, talking at breakfast. Lunch is okay dinner at 3.30 is too early no wonder it's taking an hour you're both trapped in that high chair. You need to get out meet others have some fun time, exercise and fresh air

Does she always eat slowly?
Have you tried her out of the high chair ? Sounds very restrictive for her

From this post I have relised that the routine is restrictive. When tommorows dinner times come along, I'll leave it for a bit longer and see how it goes.

Perhaps try having a sit down meal at your in-laws with your partner there too. All eating together, rather than your in-laws standing watching.

Toddlers throw food, it's something they do, they are exploring, but she will only learn to eat properly by mirroring the adults around her showing her what to do, which she will do in time.

@pommepommefrites

But what's wrong with watching a toddler eat? Especially when they are at risk of choking at this age? Is this because you don't like people watching you eat that you are projecting this onto her?

I think its more because it turns into a preformance. My DS is like this. If anyone sits and watches him he throws food everywhere. If im around the kitchen doing bits and bobs and keeping an eye but not intently watching he'll eat.

What about handing her over to mil and letting mil have her for a few hours. She will have to get over the food thing and eat at other people's houses, if she doesn't then she can't be that hungry and she can wait til the next meal. 🤷‍♀️

OK, she's happy. great.

but really, she's in her highchair at mealtimes for AN HOUR?

the reason she takes ages to eat, is because she probbaly just isn't hungry after 15 minutes.

Honestly, server her food (at whatever time you think is right) and then after 15 minutes if she's fannying around, ask of she's finished. believe her if she says "yes"and remove the food - ask her what she's eating next if she says "no" - if she prats about, remove the food and get her down. Stay with her (preferably eating with her as well) chat about all sort of crap that isn't what food she is or isn't eating.

Then both get down from table and tidy up etc together.

No 18month needs to be at the table for an hour.

You might find she's a bit more relaxed about eating out of the house too - relaxed Mumma, Relaxed baby!

@pommepommefrites

But what's wrong with watching a toddler eat? Especially when they are at risk of choking at this age? Is this because you don't like people watching you eat that you are projecting this onto her?

No. From the kitchen I can see her, the house is small so I'm always keeping an eye on her. I just use the extra time to catch up on cleaning, ready for the day.