How do you find hours in your child's routine to take her to mils?

[Sophie1029734]

Im struggling to find a long enough gap in 18m olds routine to satisfy mil. She complains I dont stay longer than 1 30hr to 2 hours. I tend to go after her lunch up until her dinner time.

Here is the routine
Wakes between 7-8am
Breakfast 7.30-8.30am (30mins after wakeing)
Play time, gets cranky and clingy ready for her nap
10-11am nap
12-1pm wakes
Lunch 12.30-1.30pm
1-2pm comes out of highchair
3.30pm dinner
4.30 comes out of highchair
Play time
5.30 to 6pm bath
play time

8.00 bed

LO wont eat around other peoples houses and hasnt done since she was about 9m, I'll be lucky if she has a couple bites.. When I stay at my nans every 2 weeks for 3 days, she barely eats anything. Same with when we go out to eat. She also gets excited when we people crowd round her eating (which mil and everyone living there does) and demands to get out the chair. Mil says I should come earlier and give her lunch there or stay later and give her dinner there. She just wont eat it, I'd rather her feel comfortable.

shes going through sleep regression, its currently only affecting her naps. She spends most the morning clingy and cranky for her nap so takeing her in the morning isnt an option. All hell will break loose if anyone tries to play with her if she is tierd. There will be tantrums, crying, clingyness and not wanting to play with anyone. She now isnt napping till 12.30 till 1 despite being very tierd, this takes me to 2.30-3. Shea missing her lunch so wakes hungry for dinner. It's so difficult, I dont understand how I'm supposed to go round for 3 to 4 hours. I work round her routine, I dont change it to fit other peoples. How do people manage it

I think you might be projecting your food issues onto your toddler. Also, don't leave them alone whilst eating, I was sat Infront of mine, glanced down to plait my hair looked back up at her and she had turned bright red and was gagging. I had only looked away for a few seconds, she made no sound. still scares me thinking about it.

@Howshouldibehave

I wouldn’t.

That sounds like a job for DH at the weekend

This. Just stop it and let your Dh do it.

Can she not come to you and stay as long as she wants to let you get on with jobs/errands etc.
I never visited family when my babies were tiny but they came and “helped”
Quite a lot

When she gets a bit older and you have more play dates/baby classes/after school clubs etc it would be a struggle to be home for 3.30pm dinner - unless you never go out in the afternoons?
I agree it does sound a bit like you have some issues around food (and incorrect information). 5pm is definitely not a weird time it eat dinner! If you go out for dinner with friends I'm guessing it's usually a lot alter than 3.30pm?!)

@Starjammer

Do you ever eat meals with her, OP? Does she get to see you and your partner eating meals and share in them with you?

This. Surely the best thing to improve her eating would be to sit at the table and eat with her? Sitting on the couch - can she even see you? - is really odd.

It does sound like you have some food issues still, and I understand that might make things difficult. But babies & toddlers need to learn about social eating too. I always make sure that I have a piece of toast or scrambled eggs or something at DS’s tea time - it’s too early for me to want dinner, but I don’t want him eating by himself.

I dont have food issues anymore, it's just what works for me. I get stomach pain and Indestion when I sleep on a full stomach. It's weird to me that everyone thinks that lunch at 11 and your main at 3, a snack at 5.30 and some toast before bed is a bad routine for a child. Some seem to think she isnt getting fed correctly but I can assure you she is 😆 Ive never once thought about her fat etc We just eat at the same times.

Im a bit shocked that everyones so againat the time we eat, I thought it was abnormal to eat at night 😂 when I stayed with my nan and grandad as a child, that's when we had lunch and dinner. Since they've retired that's been their daily meal times. I can not remeber much about the meal times at home, my brains blanked a lot of those memories. But yh, it's just what I know. Didnt think that part would blow up 😂

Op most people eat at 6pm. Some northerners eat at 5pm. People down south tend to eat at 7pm or even 8pm / 9pm.
People with young children tend to give them dinner at 5.30/6pm. It tends to adapt to fit their parents adult pattern by secondary age.

Ive never known anyone to eat at 3 /4pm. How do you do any after school clubs? How did your parent cook it for 3pm, werent they on school run? For 5.30 dinner as sahm I had to start at 4.30ish pm usually, unless clubs on.

@Sophie1029734 when do you think most people eat when they work

You stay at your nans for 3 days every 2 weeks & she hardly eats anything then. That seems more like a problem

Well you don’t need to be seeing your mil daily, and she can always visit you.

However, your routine seems very rigid and inflexible. Why is dinner 3.30 and ‘comes out of high chair’ at 4.30? Does every meal take a full hour to eat? I would say for your own sake a bit of flexibility would be good. I mean what about when you go on holiday or days out?

How about giving your DD some lunch 11.15 to 11.30 ish, no more than 20 mins in the highchair, then try her for a nap 12 ish or 12.15, no more than 2 hours at this age for her nap. You are up and ready then to go out in the afternoon, snack on the go then give her some tea at 5. As your DD gets older she will be more hungry and will need some supper otherwise she will waking in the night hungry or waking early hungry. She won't be able to stick to this routine for much longer, especially as she heads towards 2. Soon she will be scrabbling around trying to get out the highchair. Not many toddlers can sit still for too long at mealtimes.
Why don't you say to your MIL you are just looking to vary her routine for a few weeks and that you will see her when you can. It's hard to change a routine but sometimes we need to for the better.

@Sophie1029734 I find it very hard to believe that after 22 years you DON'T realize that 3/3:30 is an odd time to have dinner.

Also I do eat with her, but she takes a while to est so I end up cleaning the kitchen, toys etc until she calls me. I dont eat with her when she has snack. I rarely eat breakfast with her either, I just stand in the kitchen and shove some toast down me. I'm not big on breakfast food

And I also really baffled as to why the action of "coming out of her high chair" takes up an hour of the day WTAF?

6pm is not nighttime 🤨

@Sophie1029734

I dont have food issues anymore, it's just what works for me. I get stomach pain and Indestion when I sleep on a full stomach. It's weird to me that everyone thinks that lunch at 11 and your main at 3, a snack at 5.30 and some toast before bed is a bad routine for a child. Some seem to think she isnt getting fed correctly but I can assure you she is 😆 Ive never once thought about her fat etc We just eat at the same times.

Im a bit shocked that everyones so againat the time we eat, I thought it was abnormal to eat at night 😂 when I stayed with my nan and grandad as a child, that's when we had lunch and dinner. Since they've retired that's been their daily meal times. I can not remeber much about the meal times at home, my brains blanked a lot of those memories. But yh, it's just what I know. Didnt think that part would blow up 😂

You have some real misinformation about food, as per your last post.

Also - theres a lot of sentences beginning with 'I' when what we're actually discussing is your DD routine. I think the routine works for you so you've imposed it on your daughter. In reality, it isnt practical at all as you're finding out.

Crikey. I’m still cooking my dinner! I don’t eat until well into the afternoon.

DD never eats before 7pm. Have never, ever fed her a meal at 5:30/6pm. My sister feeds her 18 month old at 6:30pm and it’s far too early for everyone else.

It's all I've known, it's never been a conversation I've had with friends. Although when I met my partner, they were confused by the fact I ate so early and I was confused by them eating at 7-8pm. It's just not something I've cared to ask people about

@wedwewerpink

And I also really baffled as to why the action of "coming out of her high chair" takes up an hour of the day WTAF?

My DD had v fat legs as a baby and sometimes it felt like it took an hour trying to wrestle them out of the high chair

But why isnt it practical for her? She has her breakfast, usually a nap (this time is changing though) her lunch at 11, her main at 3-4. At 5.30 she will have some biscotti biscuits or a pack or kids crisps (depends what's in) and fruit bowl. Later on she will have a peice of toast. How is it a bad routine?

Have you never been out for dinner with people? Or watched tv shows or films where they eat meals in the evenings? Or have you never wondered why restaurants are busiest in the evening and almost completely empty at 3-4pm? Many pubs still close between lunch service which is 12-2ish and dinner service from 6pm onwards.

It’s one thing to say that you prefer to eat your main meal at 3pm and another to claim you didn’t realise that this is odd. I really don’t see how this can be possible.

You also haven’t really explained the “coming out of the high chair” thing.

What do you do each day? Activities, classes etc? Do you ever go out for the whole day?

@Starjammer 🤣🤣

@Sophie1029734

Also I do eat with her, but she takes a while to est so I end up cleaning the kitchen, toys etc until she calls me. I dont eat with her when she has snack. I rarely eat breakfast with her either, I just stand in the kitchen and shove some toast down me. I'm not big on breakfast food

So you don't eat with her 🤨🤨

@Sophie1029734 you end up giving her 2 extra snacks before she goes to bed. Why not feed her later and drop one set of snacks?

Does your partner eat at 7-8pm?

@Sophie1029734

But why isnt it practical for her? She has her breakfast, usually a nap (this time is changing though) her lunch at 11, her main at 3-4. At 5.30 she will have some biscotti biscuits or a pack or kids crisps (depends what's in) and fruit bowl. Later on she will have a peice of toast. How is it a bad routine?

Because it in no way resembles real life. It also doesnt allow you anytime to do anything.

You're not answering the posters who have asked why you think its ok for her to eat very little when you visit your family, but its a real issue when its your MIL.

Youre also not addressing your misinformation surrounding food. In your earlier post you seem to base her routine on this a fair bit, so if the info is wrong surely this odd eating routine is open for discussion?