Any Muslim/ Jewish mamas against circumcision?

[Sleeplessem]

I’m expecting a boy, about 18 weeks so still a while to go yet but I know circumcision is a norm (at least on DH side of the family). It is typically done in the first few weeks of life.

For quite a few reasons, including anatomical ones (I went to a presentation on genital cutting and learned that until 18 months or so the foreskin is fused to the tip of the penis) I’m not for infantile circumcision. Luckily DH is of the same view, although he would still want it done In basically primary school age as he’s worried a) son would get bullied by other Muslim kids (I’ve heard of this tbf so it’s not entirely ridiculous, b) we’d be failing to do a religious requirement and c) that it might not get done. Me I’m more about consent, if DS asked about it at 12, id explain the procedure, why it’s considered a good thing in our faith and if he wanted to go ahead it’s his choice, same for if he said later.

I know religiously there is a difference of opinion,
I’m of the school of thought that it’s sunnah rather than wajib or fardh.

DHs family will be enraged by my stance. It won’t sway me either way, but I’m thinking of ways now to just diffuse the conversation or shut it down. I can lose my rag a bit about stuff like this. Any mamas who have similar opinions been through this? What did you say? How did you make the stfu? Lol xx

My opinion that once an adult if the child wants to adopt the religion and be circumcised they can make their own decision the. I do not agree with making the choice for a child that can have lifelong consequences.

She could say this to her DH and family if they won’t accept her view.

Say what? Words like “mutilation”? That’s not how the great peace negotiations are conducted. Neither is it very polite if you to barge on to OP’s very calm and considered thread and start throwing the around.

Out of curiosity op, how would your child get teased? Surely no one will see him naked?

I'd go with your gut op. He's your baby.

Reading this thread has just made me feel so glad I have girls, as I could easily see myself having been in this situation if I'd had a boy 😕

@BabyPink1 you’re coming off as quite rude, sure that’s not the intention though. But if you can’t tell for whatever reason, i’m against involuntary circumcision

Of course I’ve heard of FGM, and whilst I’m 100% against involuntary circumcision (as I believe I’ve clearly stated) given the sheer degree of cutting that occurs in FGM, particularly type 4, I think it’s a bit offensive to any woman who has undergone that procedure to compare it to what we commonly refer to as male circumcision.

Hi OP. I was in a similar situation to you with my DS. DH and I were firmly of the view that we would not be circumcising DS. My family asked questions about it but I told them once it wasn’t going to happen then just changed the subject/deflected every time they asked. Sometimes, i’d point blank ignore them and walk away or would just say on the phone “I’m going now bye!” It infuriated them when I did this LOL.

I get the whole cultural aspect about people being angry by your decision. I was always raised to respect their elders but at the end of the day I couldn’t care less about their opinions about my child and I was like “what’s the worst they could do?” Turns out nothing apart from moan because they have nothing better going on in their lives other than to think about a baby’s penis and I just stopped caring about them and eventually they found something else to be up in arms about. Stay strong. You got this.

Funnily enough, I had a friend at uni (non muslim/non jewish) who was seriously considering circumcision to make his penis look bigger LOLLLLL I don’t know if he went through with it in the end but he did a lot of research 😂 if your child wants to do it when he’s an adult that is up to him!

@BiscuitLover09876

Out of curiosity op, how would your child get teased? Surely no one will see him naked?

I'd go with your gut op. He's your baby.

DH seems to think after sport showers are a thing or at urinals. I mean showers never were a thing for me and deffo not naked and I used to swim too.

But tbh I’d consider this minor, maybe it would be a driving factor for DS to want it done at an age he can consent, i don’t know? But children get picked on for all sorts of reasons and you can’t really preempt them x x

Surprised at the animosity towards OP here! I think it's admirable that you're sticking with your guns even though it's going to cause tension within your family and that you've chosen to educate yourself on the subject. I can imagine the pressure to circumcise could be immense. You sound like a great mum 😌

@DeltaVariant

My opinion that once an adult if the child wants to adopt the religion and be circumcised they can make their own decision the. I do not agree with making the choice for a child that can have lifelong consequences.

I agree, especially as harm can be done by the procedure. I also fully believe not being circumcised doesn’t prevent someone being Muslim

@otterbaby

Surprised at the animosity towards OP here! I think it's admirable that you're sticking with your guns even though it's going to cause tension within your family and that you've chosen to educate yourself on the subject. I can imagine the pressure to circumcise could be immense. You sound like a great mum 😌

Thank you! I’m surprised too considering we all consider involuntary circumcision morally wrong, so in essence we all believe the same thing.

I think threads like this do stir a bit of latent islamaphobia though, deffo not my intention, genuinely asking for tips here lol x

@otterbaby

Surprised at the animosity towards OP here! I think it's admirable that you're sticking with your guns even though it's going to cause tension within your family and that you've chosen to educate yourself on the subject. I can imagine the pressure to circumcise could be immense. You sound like a great mum 😌

Me three. Most strange.

I think it's a bit odd your DH thinks other people will be looking at his sons genitals. Surely every guy in the world knows the urinal code - Eyes front.

I would be hesitant to recommend this surgery later as I've had two partners who have needed a circumcision as teenagers and both had problems. One had awful abscesses and needed a second surgery.

@SirenSays

I think it's a bit odd your DH thinks other people will be looking at his sons genitals. Surely every guy in the world knows the urinal code - Eyes front.

I would be hesitant to recommend this surgery later as I've had two partners who have needed a circumcision as teenagers and both had problems. One had awful abscesses and needed a second surgery.

I don’t think he thinks anyone is going to be actively looking, more that it would get noticed and he’d get teased. I knew a Muslim man who was circumcised at 15 due to family reasons and he used to get teased, but as I said it’s minor as kids are teased for all sorts of reasons and you can’t preempt them all.

I’ve know 2 adults who have had it done for medical reasons and neither had issues… so 🤷‍♀️

We're expecting a boy, I'm Jewish, we won't be circumcising unless there's medical need. My family know me well enough not to ask I think, but if they do the answer is "We don't see a reason to" and "If he'd like to have it done when he's older obviously he's free to".

I would say though that I find the shrieking responses on threads like this unhelpful (as I would on a topic like FGM too). You don't engage people/win them round by making sarcastic comments about others' religious practices and familial pressures. That's the way to drive these sorts of things underground, ime. Maybe not the OP here, who seems to be quite moderate, but any of the hundreds of people who might be silently reading and making up their own minds.

@EssentialHummus

We're expecting a boy, I'm Jewish, we won't be circumcising unless there's medical need. My family know me well enough not to ask I think, but if they do the answer is "We don't see a reason to" and "If he'd like to have it done when he's older obviously he's free to".

I would say though that I find the shrieking responses on threads like this unhelpful (as I would on a topic like FGM too). You don't engage people/win them round by making sarcastic comments about others' religious practices and familial pressures. That's the way to drive these sorts of things underground, ime. Maybe not the OP here, who seems to be quite moderate, but any of the hundreds of people who might be silently reading and making up their own minds.

I agree, even though I’m 100% against involuntary circumcision, if it was illegal it would still be carried out but underground by people without an ounce of medical training

@GreenCrayon

It sounds like your DH is afraid to rock the boat and cut/limit contact.

As I said I would be removing yourself entirely from the situation. If people turn up ignore them, if they call ignore then you've no reason to engage in conversation and who cares if you piss of some elders.

I think saldy unless your DH really puts his foot down then the situation won't be resolved. They will continue to hound him because they think he will give in. I think as a PP said this will only stop if he really cuts contact.

Wow, you really are handing out some toxic and I’ll thought out advice. OP, don’t advise your husband to cut all contact with his family...that way lies a lot of heartache and resentment for all parties. I really wish people would think twice before chucking out the old NC line

Wow, you really are handing out some toxic and I’ll thought out advice. OP, don’t advise your husband to cut all contact with his family...that way lies a lot of heartache and resentment for all parties. I really wish people would think twice before chucking out the old NC line

I didn't suggest he cut all contact I said he should really cut contact meaning cut back on how much he sees them. If they refuse to respect his wishes why would reducing how much time they spend with himself, his wife and his children be toxic and Ill thought out advice.

@Moonwatcher1234 thank you! And yeah you’re right and that’s why I did say to that poster that they didn’t quite understand the weight of cultural tradition we are bucking here and thus the reaction it will insight.

Plus at the end of the day, it’s DH’s family at the end of the day, I can’t mandate how he manages those relationships. Of course he’ll maintain our position but I can’t tell him cut them out. Can you imagine MN response if I was saying DH was telling me to go NC with my family?

I think piercing a child’s ears is barbaric, never mind cutting off a piece of totally healthy anatomy.

I think like you say though it’s all about consent, please stand up to your relatives and don’t feel pressure to do this

I'm Jewish and don't agree with it, didn't circumcise DS

And my family is orthodox

@georgarina

And my family is orthodox

Did you face backlash?

@otterbaby

Surprised at the animosity towards OP here! I think it's admirable that you're sticking with your guns even though it's going to cause tension within your family and that you've chosen to educate yourself on the subject. I can imagine the pressure to circumcise could be immense. You sound like a great mum 😌

Completely agree!

I'm surprised at the animosity as well. It just goes to show that people don't read the OP's posts properly.

And I think the poster who suggested just lying to DH parents might be on to something! How will they ever know?!