My mum injured my son

[KevinTheBird]

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

[Iwonder08]

OP, it is your job as a parent to protect your child. It is as simple as that. If you allow this woman to see your children again you will fail as a parent. Not only you would endanger them you would also show them it is OK to be physically abused and OK to tolerate it. Don't make this mistake.
If it was me I would first of all take my child to A&E. I would report her to police (just like you should for anyone physically harming your children) and following that I would inform her you will never contact her again and the relationship is over. And then I would reassure both children that nobody is going to be allowed to harm them.

[BuntysTwinkle]

If you wanted to go to the police it wouldn't be unreasonable. But it sounds like she'll deny, and then it will be her word vs your DS's.

If it would make you feel better to call her an evil child-abusing bitch, then do it. It's healthier than entering into this charade where you both pretend nothing happened. By texting you she wants to know if she has crossed a boundary or not. Tell her that she fucking has, and she is not allowed to see your dc's again.

[Ginnymweasley]

1. Take your child to be checked out glass fragments are impossible to see sometimes and can cause a lot of damage.
2. Speaking as someone who's mother is similar I would cut contact. I don't leave my kids alone with my mum for similar reasons and neither do my siblings. If she ever hurt my kid she would never see them again.

[mcmooberry]

"He shouldn't have trashed my house"
Awful, so shocking. Don't see her tomorrow. Your poor children. Am so sorry this has happened, she has shown who she still is and spoiled everything.

[TiersForFears1]

"I don't remember doing that," usually means, "yes, I did do that, but I wont admit it".

Please OP, your mum is abusive. Leaving you at the train station is abusive. Her temper is abusive, and now she injures your dc? She has not changed! She's one step away from seriously injuring your children. Keep well away from her and while you're at it, report her to the police.

[MissLucyEyelesbarrow]

Assuming that it was a deliberate hit, not her accidentally catching him with the frame as she picked it up or something, then that is unforgivable. Who hits a child with broken glass?

[JinglesWish]

Please take your son to A&E. What she did was horrific and unforgivable. Your first responsibility is to make sure that the cut isn’t going to get worse and heals well. Deal with her behaviour afterwards!! I don’t even know that woman, but feel furious on your behalf.

[Biancadelrioisback]

Another one saying A&E.

I'd honestly text her back and ask if she realises what's shes done and that your DC are scared of her. I'd then make it very clear that what she has done is beyond awful and since she hasn't even apologised, you won't be seeing her any time soon

[sqirrelfriends]

Bloody hell OP, that would be the last time I let my kids see her.

She doesn't sound like a wonderful mum to me, she knows she's done wrong and is trying to brush over the incident by being "normal" with you. It's time to stand up to her for your kids sake, you can't let them think this kind of abusive behaviour is ok.

[CustardySergeant]

Absolutely horrifying. Please get your son's wounds checked at A&E, report your disgusting abusive mother to police and never see the bitch again.

[oakleaffy]

@KevinTheBird
Our dad had an horrific temper.
The beatings I got would have been a police matter.
But when he shouted at DS I absolutely did not tolerate it.

Absolutely unforgivable what your mother has done.
Mum - stepmum- tried to dismiss my asking why I was beaten so harshly.. and minimising was what she did too.

It is infuriating when they won’t admit to violence.
Your mother clearly has anger issues.

She needs to be honest.
As our dad was dying, he said to my half brother
“ I was too hard on (my name)
But he couldn’t tell me.
So sorry for you and your son

[Dutchesss]

I'm so sorry this happened. Please take your son to A&E firstly they will make sure that he gets the medical attention he requires but they will also have a process for helping you to deal with this kind of incident.

[Laiste]

Go to the park?! The only place i'd be going is back round there and hitting her with a broken glass frame like she did to your son OP.

Wake up now. She's not a good mother. She's a dangerous bitch.

[Pebbledashery]

Sorry to say this your mother is a narcissist and you and your children deserve better. That would be the end of our relationship if I was you. You seem like the type of person who sees the good in everyone and I think for once in your life you need to make a selfish choice and protect your family from her. She sounds like she has the potential to cause serious harm.

[Bohoboo]

Gosh OP. What a shock for you. I hope you are OK. Agree with getting your ds hand checked out but also be kind to yourself as you navigate the next few days and weeks. Agree with all other posters about your need to protect your children from your dm now as they need to know you will protect them from her.

[category12]

The 1% of the time is too much.

She hurt your boy. I would never see her again.

[FloreanFortescue]

Your mother is a narcissist! I would be calling the police too I'm afraid. She seriously assaulted your son.

[Wyntersdiary]

Your mum doesn't sound well :S who gets that angry over a broken picture frame?

I would be going NC and telling her exactly why.

and not remembering also says she is either lying or deluded /unwell

Either way not something you should be inviting into your kids life

[LizFlowers]

Ginnymweasley Wed 27-Jan-21 22:02:12

1. Take your child to be checked out glass fragments are impossible to see sometimes and can cause a lot of damage.

.......
That is excellent advice, Ginny.

Kevin, no doubt your mother will contact you in due course. Please do tell her you will no longer tolerate her denying things she has said and done and cannot trust her to be alone with your children after today's business. Be firm and stick to it.

I've no idea what is wrong with your mother that she can so blatantly re-write history - very recent history! If she genuinely has a 'funny turn' or an absence and remembers nothing, she needs to seek medical advice. There are conditions that can cause that but no point in speculating, she must consult a neurologist, have a brain scan. I daresay that would take a lot of persuasion.

In the meantime, keep your distance. You and your son cannot be the only family members who have been on the end of this, Kevin.

It's a heartbreaking situation for you and your family.

[Giraffey1]

Children should be able to feel safe and secure in the care of adutsl.
Your mum has forfeited the right to ever again. be in a position of care with your DC.

You need to seriously consider whether she can ever see them again - why would they want to see someone who flies off the handle and causes physical and emotional pain? She needs to face up to what she did, it’s just not good enough for her to say oh, I don’t remember doing that. I bet she does.

For starters, I would be emailing her or texting her with pictures of the wound. Ask her why she thinks your children would be interested in seeing someone who does this, and that you are seriously considering whether to report her to the authorities. If you are going to / have been to A&E , then tell her, and tell her that they will have an obligation to log the cause of the injuries.

[PinkDaffodil2]

Please get the cut checked out - hands are really tricky and there could be bits of glass in there. Also if it gets worse and you seek medical attention in a week or so there may be questions about why you didn’t get it checked out sooner. You may or may not have made up your mind about if you want to involve the police but please don’t let protecting your mother put you off getting his hand seen (in A&E / minor injuries, not GP for a hand laceration).

[Doublefaced]

@Hugoslavia

Well, I wouldn't go as far as calling the police. And I wouldn't necessarily cut her out of their lives for good indefinitely if that would hurt your children further (depending upon their ages). However, I would find it extremely hard to forgive her. She definitely wouldn't be seeing them for some time and she would never see them again on her own or at her house. But first she would have to admit her wrong doing, be genuinely remorseful and seek help for her temper as she is clearly unable to be trusted.

This woman is abusive.
Please don’t encourage the OP to think that ANY abuse is tolerable as a pay off for the good bits.

[Leannethom85]

Who hits anyone with broken glass, let alone a child? a nutcase does things like that.

[Wroxie]

If it's really a deep cut and 2 inches (that's huge on an adult's hand much less a little child's hand- I just measured and it would span my whole palm) - you need to see a doctor. Hands are very complicated with lots of delicate muscles, tendons, and bones very close to the surface and untreated or badly treated hand injuries can be disastrous.

[KindaDissipated]

Nobody should be exposed to such viscious, dangerous behaviour...but to hurt and traumatise children like that is unforgivable.

Because it's not just about the physical wound is it?

Doesn't matter if she behaves like a saint 99% of the time...to me that's just a measure of the damage that has to be made up for. As her child that will have been confusing for you and I'm sorry that you experienced such cruel behaviour.

Time to draw a line.