My mum injured my son

[KevinTheBird]

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

[GreenlandTheMovie]

I actually hope that the police investigate this incident and charge, if there is enough evidence. I know it can be difficult to gather enough evidence in these types of cases, but everyone is far more clued up about incidents involving children now than in the past.

She could have been getting away with low grade instances for years. It sounds as though she has some strange compulsion to cause harm and/or distress which she cannot control and which she sees no need to control.

If she is charged and convicted, she will be subjected to psychiatric evaluation, which might be helpful all round, including to herself.

[BejeweledCrocs]

What an awful experience. I can relate to feeling like maybe things change over time and with grandkids...

I have a stepmother who is a toxic person. She was awful to me as a teenager and it continued into adulthood. Not physical but verbally and emotionally. As I got older and was pregnant I thought it would be a chance to start afresh, that maybe it had been a difficult dynamic of teenage vs stepmother etc. Anyway turned out she was just as repulsive with my DC. Made mocking remarks about his appearance, constantly compared him to the "beautiful" child that lived down the road, then as a toddler completely ignored him, literally didnt acknowledge he was there and left the room if he tried to talk to her.

There was one particular visit where I just felt sickened by her. DC was under 2 and had been trying to sing to her. She had just got up and walked out the room. I suddenly realised that we were going to repeat the cycle of my childhood when I tried to be "good" and get a bit of love or kindness, only to feel rejected. Fuck that. My child will never feel like he isnt good enough. I've cut her out of my life.

People do not change.

Lots of love to you OP x

[Arobase]

I think your wrong. What’s your solution?

You think my wrong what?

My solution would basically be for the adult children to talk to their mother and spell out to her that, minimise all of this as much as she likes, they know what happened and she actually knows what happened; that it cannot go on; that she needs to get treatment; and that, unless and until she does, she won't have anything to do with their children and, if she has contact with any other children, they will ensure that the parents know.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

@Tiktokersmiracle not sure if that was partly directed at me, but I only posted because I was upset that someone seemed to be trying to talk the OP out of speaking to the police with a list of reasons that seem to be taken straight from page 1 of the abuser's handbook. "The police won't do anything." "They'll say you're lying." "It will make things worse." " You will never prove it."

If OP does come back... whatever you decide, please don't be swayed by anything Arobase has said.

But yes, aside from that, I take the point and will leave it there.

[RootyT00t]

@Tiktokersmiracle

Whilst you are all arguing amongst yourselves, OP hasnt posted since 28/1

So once again, due to MN back and forth arguing, you've frightened an OP who could have had support and advice away.

Slow hand claps to the last few pages

It can be fucking hard to see abuse. Especially abuse suffered as a child. I didn't realise my narc mother had abused me until I was 21! 21! My whole mental health collapsed, it isn't always a relief to realise. For me my word caved in, because I had existed in a bubble where everyone had a mum like mine who put them down and told lies about them, with a dad who put himself first as he was scared of her and didn't want another divorce to embarrass his middle class family.
When I realised that no, some people had warm, caring mums who did everything to bolster their child, with children who felt loved and wanted, it made me question why mine didn't, what was wrong with me?
It took me years, years and years, to get to where I am now at near 40.

So, whilst everyone had an opinion, which is fine, please understand that abuse affects everyone differently. The OP has had the worst wake up call of how much of a child abuser her mother actually is, via her hurting her own child. Imagine how that feels?

💖

[Help1402]

You need to go to hospital he could have glass in his hand , tell them what happened and they can start off reporting it for you , she needs to get in trouble what a horrible bitch

[Help1402]

Sorry just read the updates didn’t realise this was a few weeks old

[alexdgr8]

??
OP was dated last week ?

any update, OP ? hope you're ok. and DC.