My mum injured my son

[KevinTheBird]

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

[fuckedandbombed]

As I see you've been a victim of abuse I'm saying nothing but I don't think your original post was fair.

Thanks for that . When you both have experienced parental abuse , dealt with it and now worth with victims and suspects of said abuse you can comment. Do you ? Work or have experience in either ?

[RootyT00t]

@fuckedandbombed

As I see you've been a victim of abuse I'm saying nothing but I don't think your original post was fair.

Thanks for that . When you both have experienced parental abuse , dealt with it and now worth with victims and suspects of said abuse you can comment. Do you ? Work or have experience in either ?

No so re read my comment.

[Tucancrossing]

What she did was straight up illegal. It's illegal for anyone to smack a child other than their own parents. It's illegal to hit a child with an object. It's obviously illegal to cut a child with glass. I can't believe you're even asking what you need to do next. Take him to the hospital to get checked, tell them what happened, they will likely contact the police or urge you to do so. Show your kids that you'll go all the way to protect them.

[SquirtleSquad]

@Tucancrossing

What she did was straight up illegal. It's illegal for anyone to smack a child other than their own parents. It's illegal to hit a child with an object. It's obviously illegal to cut a child with glass. I can't believe you're even asking what you need to do next. Take him to the hospital to get checked, tell them what happened, they will likely contact the police or urge you to do so. Show your kids that you'll go all the way to protect them.

Maybe read the thread before posting next time

[DuzzyFuck]

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. I'm glad that DC's hand is ok and that you've taken positive steps with regards telling school and being prepared to speak to safeguarding

Now please, please consider seriously cutting contact with her completely. Not 'for a while' or that you continue to see her without the DC. Completely. To be honest if I was one of your siblings I'd be doing the same too. Not only will your DC question why you see fit to still be around her as they grow up, it will also allow her a world of opportunity to continue mentally and emotionally abusing you, and burrowing her way back in towards your DC.

Honestly I'm astounded by the number of people on this thread who reward their own abusive parents with access to their DC (albeit with supervision). How do these monsters ever experience consequence if life goes on for them as normal? Would you have your DC spend time and build relationships with other relatives or acquaintances that had abused you?

[BobbidyBob]

@BobbidyBob

I would ask them to delete your post at 13:19 as it could be quite obvious who your mum is to someone who knows her . Hope your son gets well soon and your mum gets some help for her anger issues.

Yeah unless there’s a massive coincidence here, I think I’m from the same small town as OP and know who her Mum is. A couple of details in previous posts ever so slightly changed but it would be pretty weird if the lady I’m thinking of is not the one.

I’d just like to update that I spoke to OP and it turns out it WAS just coincidence and I didn’t know of her Mum. This is, of course, exactly why you should never report to police based on what you think you know, or spread misinformation etc.

[alexdgr8]

@toocold54

yes I would , as I explained in my next post , this is not about not dealing with this woman , it’s about not being outed in a national forum . I really cannot see what being a woman has to do with it at all

*@Floralnomad*

Because your worrying about the feelings of the abuser - it doesn’t matter if she is outed on a forum. And if it was a man there would be a million posts telling them to put them to protect future children. I can’t help but think you don’t agree because she is a female/her mum.

of course it matters if she is outed on a forum, not because of her feelings but because thereby the Op and her child would be identifiable also.

[4redSocks]

@DartmoorDoughnut

I’d report to the police without hesitation.

Don’t engage anymore. Just call the police your mother needs to learn she is a grown woman totally out of order. Thank God you woke up OP!!

[changingmine]

@fuckedandbombed

As I see you've been a victim of abuse I'm saying nothing but I don't think your original post was fair.

Thanks for that . When you both have experienced parental abuse , dealt with it and now worth with victims and suspects of said abuse you can comment. Do you ? Work or have experience in either ?

Your comments are very aggressive, bullish really. You even promote violence as a means of management (I would have decked her). I would urge you to seek professional help.

[hanste123]

I wouldn’t never see or speak to my mum again if she did that.

[Arobase]

Don’t engage anymore. Just call the police your mother needs to learn she is a grown woman totally out of order.

Assuming she continues to deny it, it will be her word against a 5 year old's. I really can't see the police doing anything.

[JennyBarlow35]

Wait? What? Leave her, I wouldn't stay around her with that temper!

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

How is he doing today KevinTheBird?

This is probably a stupidly obvious point, but if you haven't already done so, make sure he understands that he's done nothing wrong, as he's probably very confused right now and trying to rationalise what happened.

Glad you're planning to end contact - it's the only option.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

@Arobase

Don’t engage anymore. Just call the police your mother needs to learn she is a grown woman totally out of order.

Assuming she continues to deny it, it will be her word against a 5 year old's. I really can't see the police doing anything.

Firstly, it's really irresponsible to discourage someone from reporting child abuse to the police, so don't do that.

Secondly, you're wrong. In terms of evidence, there is:

The cut on the child's hand.
The accounts of TWO witnesses (both children)
The OP, who can confirm that the mum has a history of violence.
Potentially also the accounts of her siblings.
And crucially, there's the text exchange in which the mum didn't deny harming the child, but only said 'I don't remember'. Any police officer with two brain cells to rub together will recognise that for what it is, even if you find it tricky. (By the way, good thinking to get her on record as not denying it, OP.)

[Tigger001]

Calling a child a fucking idiot is bad enough, but to then hit them is unacceptable.

Anyone who did this to my child, would not be having anymore contact them. I would meet them face to face and make it very clear why not.

Endure your kids know that's not acceptable and nothing deserves their nans response

[4redSocks]

@Arobase your assuming! It’s not your job to assume anything. Unless OPs child is going to lie about how they got their injury?

This will be all recorded down and sorry OP to upset but it doesn’t look great on her part. I’m sure it was a one off but you never know. OP definitely needs to report her mother.

She’s complacent and it’s unacceptable of OPs mum.

[Arobase]

@JesusInTheCabbageVan, the police would be well aware the defence would make mincemeat of that.
Cut on the hand? Child did it himself.
Accounts of two witnesses? But DC1 didn't even tell OP that sibling's hand was cut, let alone that Granny did it. Where was DC1, did they even see anything, are they simply recounting what their brother told them?
OP confirming the history? But she trusted her mother to look after her children.
Siblings? They weren't there, excellent chance of getting their evidence excluded.
Text exchange? No admission. My client said she couldn't remember doing it because she couldn't, she was so upset at the accusation from her daughter about her beloved grandchild that she wasn't thinking straight.

I'm not saying that any of that is fair, right or desirable. But if/when OP's mother gets away with it she'll think she's won and will have learnt nothing.

[Arobase]

@4redSocks, I don't believe the child is lying for one moment, but unfortunately it's far from unknown for 5 year olds to lie. And would you like to put a 5 year old up to give evidence?

[RootyT00t]

[quote Arobase]@JesusInTheCabbageVan, the police would be well aware the defence would make mincemeat of that.
Cut on the hand? Child did it himself.
Accounts of two witnesses? But DC1 didn't even tell OP that sibling's hand was cut, let alone that Granny did it. Where was DC1, did they even see anything, are they simply recounting what their brother told them?
OP confirming the history? But she trusted her mother to look after her children.
Siblings? They weren't there, excellent chance of getting their evidence excluded.
Text exchange? No admission. My client said she couldn't remember doing it because she couldn't, she was so upset at the accusation from her daughter about her beloved grandchild that she wasn't thinking straight.

I'm not saying that any of that is fair, right or desirable. But if/when OP's mother gets away with it she'll think she's won and will have learnt nothing.[/quote]
Not sure I understand the position here Arobase.

Don't report it..?

[custardbear]

Your mum isn't a nice person at all, I'd be low or no contact after that incident amd she'd never have treats like park visits etc again

[strawberriesontheNeva]

All you drama vultures maybe consider leaving the op alone now.
She has reported the incident

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

[quote Arobase]@JesusInTheCabbageVan, the police would be well aware the defence would make mincemeat of that.
Cut on the hand? Child did it himself.
Accounts of two witnesses? But DC1 didn't even tell OP that sibling's hand was cut, let alone that Granny did it. Where was DC1, did they even see anything, are they simply recounting what their brother told them?
OP confirming the history? But she trusted her mother to look after her children.
Siblings? They weren't there, excellent chance of getting their evidence excluded.
Text exchange? No admission. My client said she couldn't remember doing it because she couldn't, she was so upset at the accusation from her daughter about her beloved grandchild that she wasn't thinking straight.

I'm not saying that any of that is fair, right or desirable. But if/when OP's mother gets away with it she'll think she's won and will have learnt nothing.[/quote]
Your original post was that 'it's just one word against the other'.

I've pointed out why that's wrong, and now you've come up with a whole new list of reasons why (you assume) the police wouldn't do anything.

Yes, those are all points the Defence MAY make, because that's literally how a trial works. The Prosecution argues the other side, and then the Jury decides who to believe.

You seem very keen for the OP (and possibly victims in general?) not to report abuse. I wonder why that is. If you'd come along earlier, would you have tried to persuade her not to tell the hospital or the school either?

Bottom line: the OP is doing the right thing by being honest. She should absolutely be thinking about reporting this to the police, because it's a serious crime. What worries me is that if she's looking for excuses not to report, you've just given her lots. So I wish you would stop.

[Arobase]

*I've pointed out why that's wrong, and now you've come up with a whole new list of reasons why (you assume) the police wouldn't do anything."

Oh, how terrible, I answered the points made in your post, @JesusInTheCabbageVan. What a dreadful thing to happen.

As for my being keen for it not to be reported, don't be bloody ridiculous.

[4redSocks]

[quote Arobase]@4redSocks, I don't believe the child is lying for one moment, but unfortunately it's far from unknown for 5 year olds to lie. And would you like to put a 5 year old up to give evidence?[/quote]
This is you assuming again I don’t know exactly the prosecution procedure or if it would get to that extent. I wouldn’t hesitate to phone the police if my mother did that.

If that’s what it took YES. OP’s mother is a liability and OP has a duty to her kids and other people in the family before it happens again.

I think your wrong. What’s your solution?

[Tiktokersmiracle]

Whilst you are all arguing amongst yourselves, OP hasnt posted since 28/1

So once again, due to MN back and forth arguing, you've frightened an OP who could have had support and advice away.

Slow hand claps to the last few pages

It can be fucking hard to see abuse. Especially abuse suffered as a child. I didn't realise my narc mother had abused me until I was 21! 21! My whole mental health collapsed, it isn't always a relief to realise. For me my word caved in, because I had existed in a bubble where everyone had a mum like mine who put them down and told lies about them, with a dad who put himself first as he was scared of her and didn't want another divorce to embarrass his middle class family.
When I realised that no, some people had warm, caring mums who did everything to bolster their child, with children who felt loved and wanted, it made me question why mine didn't, what was wrong with me?
It took me years, years and years, to get to where I am now at near 40.

So, whilst everyone had an opinion, which is fine, please understand that abuse affects everyone differently. The OP has had the worst wake up call of how much of a child abuser her mother actually is, via her hurting her own child. Imagine how that feels?