My mum injured my son

[KevinTheBird]

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

[Couchbettato]

I'd be taking pictures, gathering my evidence, and ringing the police and reporting an assault to a minor.

Fuck that noise.

She might be your mum but she's very clearly demonstrated she has no qualms being an abusive, remorseless piece of shit to a child.

Her actions deserve consequence.

[Deux]

I think you need to revise your view of your mother quick sharp. She wasn’t a good mother to you at all. Good mothers don’t behave like that; they don’t terrify their children; they don’t leave them behind at train stations. She’s not a lovely woman.

[BringPizza]

You absolutely cannot go to the park, or anywhere else. If you do it shows your DC that this behaviour- being hit by an adult with broken glass- is something that is acceptable. Please get the wound checked, tell the truth, and follow whatever safeguarding follows. You have an absolute duty to protect your children, silence from embarrassment or keeping the peace would be badly letting them down.

[CustardySergeant]

The way she responded to the fact that your son was hurt tells you all you need to know. Instead of being horrified and concerned that your son was hurt, and trying to help him, she swore at him and when you spoke to her about it she said "I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house". That's disgusting. She only cares about herself and her material possessions. She's not fit to be a mother or a grandmother. Being protective is a very strong instinct when caring for children, or should be. Never subject your children or yourself to her again.

[speakout]

I would report this.

Does she have other grandchilren or access to any other children in the family?
If so they are at risk too.

[SunshineCake]

Must have hell of a throw to make a gash by throwing it at him, or it bouncing in to him. A gash sounds more like she deliberately cut him.

End of relationship for me. No question.

[DishingOutDone]

This is nuts - how was she ever a good mum?! What will you do if your DC tell other adults what your mum did FFS?

[Santaiscovidfree]

She actually had admitted attacking her own dgc..
If your dc tells someone and you havent sought medical help you could be in trouble
.
I had 2 accidents in my dm's care as a dc and she made me keep quiet. Made me doubt her my whole childhood...

[JinglesWish]

I’m hoping OP is at A&E!! I’m a total stranger and worried about your son. Please don’t minimise this injury. Can you imagine your reaction if a stranger did this to your son? You need to find that anger to protect him now

[nervalslobster]

Please get your son's hand looked at at hospital. There could be nerve damage or glass in the wound. And yes to reporting your mother to the police.

[YouKnowItsTrue]

You must be so shocked OP. If you could go back in time you would want to be protected from her.

You are able to protect your own children. I can’t see how she can have a relationship with them after this.

[Choconuttolata]

You really do need to take him to A&E to get checked for that injury to his hand, it sounds quite deep and it might need stitches to help it heal correctly. Hand injuries are taken very seriously in children due to the risk of nerve damage or scar tissue. Poorly closed/treated wounds can cause problems for the use of their hands as they grow which would have a massive impact on their life if not treated correctly. Please take him in the morning (keep the wound covered until then).

[hogangog]

your mum was abusive when you were a child - none of the things you've said about her happen in a stable / loving family. please believe that. you need to remove the fact that she is related to you from this and ask yourself how you would behave if anyone else would have done this to your son? if a stranger did this, how would you react? you need to call the police and get your son's hand checked by a GP tomorrow or phone nhs tonight for advice. your children need to know that what happened today isn't normal, isn't okay, and that it will never happen again because you will protect them from this woman in future.

[NeverDropYourMoonCup]

My mother became dead to me from the moment I found out she'd shoved my eldest and threatened to throw her down the stairs.

Had she attacked her with broken glass, I would have probably done time for murder which is probably why the DDs didn't tell me about the shoving and threatening for five years


I think A&E first, then the Police, as both children have been harmed by this - and, purely practically, you don't want it to come out at school and they find out you did nothing about it other than a text message.

Your eldest was brave in telling you what happened - support them and show them that this is not normal, not acceptable and you will put them and their feelings/safety/dignity above that of somebody who attacked a child with shards of broken glass.

[idloveapie]

My mother is like this with violent rages towards me as a child. She also never apologises or acknowledges being in the wrong.

I would not involve the police as I think it would be too stressful for me and DC but under no circumstances would I ever again let her see my child unsupervised. I would also reduce contact a lot and would probably not see her for some time. I understand how hard it is to cut someone off completely and the fall-out from doing so can be quite traumatic.

[krustykittens]

I understand your thinking, OP, I used to think the same way about my own abusive parents. "Most of the time, things were great, we had fun. The bad stuff didn't happen all the time." But the bad stuff that happened would have never have happened if I had been part of a functional family. It is the same with your mother. She did stuff to you that no loving parent would even have considered. I can understand someone being annoyed, even angry, if a child breaks something. You might raise your voice and ask them why they couldn't have been more careful or tell them they were naughty or silly. But what no one ever does who considers themselves normal, is a pick up a frame with broken glass in it and hit a child with it. That is so far past the line, you can't even see it anymore. And she doesn't care. You cannot expose children to this behaviour, no matter how rare it is.

[shazzz1xx]

Poor little mite ... I’m so so upset reading this.. if anyone hurt my daughter there would be hell to pay

[SquirtleSquad]

Other posters are absolutely correct about hand injuries being serious and posing risk of complications if not treated properly. Take him to A&E.

As for DM I'd be replying that obviously you won't be going to the park with her after she attacked your child.

Are you her support bubble OP? Not in a covid-police jibe way but does she have anyone else who could take over from you in seeing her? She sounds deranged!

[DeeCeeCherry]

Has OP bothered to come back?

I really hope her DS isn't encouraged to now lie about how he got his injury. A 2 inch gash from broken glass, isn't it mandatory that should be checked? Suppose there's glass in the wound.

The grandmother is monstrous and should be behind bars.

I really wish I hadn't read this post

[KevinTheBird]

I have absolutely no intention of going to the park with her tomorrow. I can’t face seeing her at all, certainly not in the near future and definitely not with dc there.

Dc is 5yo. I’m going to take him to minor injuries tomorrow and I’ll tell them what happened.

I know I should probably cut all contact with her but I genuinely don’t think I could. She’s my mum and she always will be. I just can’t believe she hurt him.

I don’t think she’s actually forgotten that she did it. It’s what she always used to do. One of the last times she did something similar I was late teens and with my sister at the time. We sat her down and really clearly explained what she did and why it wasn’t acceptable at all. She still point blank denied doing it and just kept asking why we were lying and trying to make her sound like an awful person.

[Whitecup4]

I’m sorry, but the fact she completely ignores what she has done and then offers park tomorrow like everything is ok is absolutely disgusting beyond words. Doing it is terrible, ignoring what she has done is horrendous!!

Bollocks to that, I’d never see her again. Your son is your responsibility, be a responsible parent. Yes it’s not a nice choice to make, but it’s tough

[Crazycrazylady]

Op
I'd absolutely be messaging her that you can't trust her to be around your children anymore so she won't be seeing you. Honestly her behaviour was unhinged..

[WildHorsesRunInMe]

There's no amount of apologising that would make me understand hitting a child with a broken frame and calling him a fucking idiot. That would be it for me and she'd be lucky if I didn't involve the police.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Echoing the previous posters who have said you need to get the cut looked at in A&E, @KevinTheBird.

I don’t know if I would call the police, but I would be telling her VERY firmly that you don’t want to see her, she won’t be left alone with your children again, and she needs to acknowledge that what she did was utterly inexcusable and was an assault, and she needs to apologise to your son and you.

[bringingonbackthegoodtimes]

It sounds like Darvo/narcissistic behaviour-I grew up with this and it's very damaging x