My mum injured my son

[KevinTheBird]

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

[DinnaeFashSassenach]

I think you need to report her.

Take away the fact that it's her grandson. Imagine it was a random child in the street who accidentally broke something as your mum walked past. Would her slicing that random, unknown child's hand open be okay? An issue to be solved by making sure the child was not around that crazy lady again? Of course not.

How old are your children? Did your DC1 see her hit your DC2 with the frame as well? Go to A&E and when your child is being treated, tell them what happened and who did it. They should inform the authorities.

[intheenddoesitreallymatter]

Additionally, her asking to go to the park is her way of testing your boundaries. She's seeing if she can get away with attacking your kids the same way she attacked you.

[AIMD]

If I were you I would not be seeing my mum again and 100% would never have her in the company of my children .
I’m sorry but it sounds like she was abusive to you as a child and is not a safe person to be around children.

If she is not willing to be honest about what happened or work to address her issues I don’t see how you can have a relationship with her that isn’t harmful.

[sadpapercourtesan]

The more I think about this, the more horrifying it is. What if she had caught his wrist instead of his hand? She could have killed him.

[BronwenFrideswide]

That would be the last time the dm saw me or my children.

The fact you already wouldn't leave your children alone with her speaks volumes.

You now have two shocked and frightened children and you are wondering whether to keep up their relationship with your mother? Why? They've seen her true colours, why subject them to it?

[ChorleyFMcominginyourears]

I would cut all contact from right now. You know how you felt growing up and I'm sure you dont want your boys feeling the same, not for 1 second.

[OhDear2200]

Wow some of the advice on here about not calling the police or finding ways to keep a relationship up with the DM!

So if a stranger came along and smashed a glass object on a child’s hand you wouldn’t call the police?

Please OP, I know it’s hard but think carefully about what you do next. Please look after yourself and your child.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Additionally, her asking to go to the park is her way of testing your boundaries. She's seeing if she can get away with attacking your kids the same way she attacked you

This is exactly what I thought. "Let's all go to the park and pretend nothing happened."

[Hugoslavia]

Well, I wouldn't go as far as calling the police. And I wouldn't necessarily cut her out of their lives for good indefinitely if that would hurt your children further (depending upon their ages). However, I would find it extremely hard to forgive her. She definitely wouldn't be seeing them for some time and she would never see them again on her own or at her house. But first she would have to admit her wrong doing, be genuinely remorseful and seek help for her temper as she is clearly unable to be trusted.

[DaphneduWarrior]

My mum was like this too. It's one of the reasons I don't have children.

She did something similar to me about 15 years ago (I was in my 30s then) - physically attacked me with something that could have left a permanent scar. I tried to leave and my dad stopped me. I wish that when I was little (and now!) I'd had one parent to look out for me and teach me that I was worth protecting. Be that parent for your DS. Please.

My mum was nearly 60 when she attacked me. People with anger issues who are used to throwing violent tantrums and frightening children to get their own way do not change. She's shown that she's happy to minimise her assault on your child by pretending it didn't happen. Don't let her minimise it.

Abuse and violence only thrive when they're kept secret. Don't protect her.

[nimbuscloud]

Did your dc1 see her hitting your dc2?

[ImnotCarolineHirons]

Additionally, her asking to go to the park is her way of testing your boundaries. She's seeing if she can get away with attacking your kids the same way she attacked you.

Yup.

She was physically and emotionally abusive to you as a child and now is starting on your kids.

I'd never let them be with her again and I'd really struggle to have anything above any necessary LC with her myself as an adult.

She's just nasty.

[GlowingOrb]

Please take him to get the cut checked by a professional. You shouldn’t trust yourself to evaluate the severity at the moment. I say this as someone who experienced the trauma of a parent who would have violent outbursts. There is a tendency to want to make it seem less serious than it is.

Do not see your mother tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that. Do not make any decisions right now. Just let what has happened really sink in. Maybe even go to counseling. When your mother asks what is going on tell her you are taking some space right now. You very well may need to cut her out of your life, but that is going to take an amazing amount of strength, it’s also not as easy as people make it out to be.

One thing that is easy is that she is never in a room alone with your children again.

[Eddielzzard]

I agree about calling 111 in case your DC needs to go to A&E.

That would be the end for me. You need to protect your DC from your abusive mum. So sorry. This must all be a huge shock.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

Calling him a fucking idiot I’d understand, but she hit him with the broken frame - that’s not on. Cut her off.

[nocoolnamesleft]

A&E. And police.

[Crimblecrumble1990]

This is shocking. I'm so sorry OP.

She would never see my children again. I would perhaps maintain a brief relationship with her if she were able to acknowledge the hideous things she has done. But either way, would not even say my children's names around her.

[MrsWooster]

You have to show your children that this is wrong by NOT minimising this. She needs to apologise to you and show that she understands the problem before she is permitted to see any of you again and, tbh, I doubt she’s capable. Protect your kids like she never protected you.

[Lougle]

Putting all blame aside, your DS is injured and hands are very complex. There are so many nerves, tendons and ligaments in them. If a piece of glass is left, it could cause life-long damage. So you need to take him to minor injuries or phone 111 immediately. Whatever happens after that will just be the consequence of this situation. Your responsibility is to your DS.

[Eddielzzard]

Also, you did absolutely the right thing. Got them out of there, showed them you will stand up to her and what she did is not ok. Her texting is to test the waters. Show her they're fucking iced over.

[flobberdobberr]

Take pictures and report to the police.

[badacorn]

Take him to he seen at the hospital

Report her to the police. She hit your child with broken glass, fucking hell.

She’s had a lifetime of doing things like this and getting away with it by denying she did it, now you are an adult and the victim is your own child you can’t let her get away with it any more.

[MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee]

I’m afraid if that was me I wouldn’t let her see them again. That is horrible and I would never put my kids in that situation again it would be terribly confusing for them. Sounds like perhaps you should have the hand looked at properly.

[WhoseThatGirl]

100% no contact ever again. She assaulted him.

[TeddysTigerEyes]

Terrible behaviour. Absolutely no excuse for attacking and harming anyone let alone a small child. Cut her off. Would she have hit an adult that knocked a picture frame over? Or is it just children she abuses and assaults? I’m so sorry for you and your dc’s take care of them and yourself.