My mum injured my son

[KevinTheBird]

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

[WouldstrokeTomHardy]

Also, how old is the child?

[Glenchase]

She hit your child with broken glass?! Is she insane? You need to cut contact with her, what if she’d hit him in the face! Call the police and take photos, it’ll be important if she tries to go to court for access.

[ohfourfoxache]

Please get to A&E - there may well be fragments in there and if you leave them they can cause more damage. Please trust everyone on this

I’m so sorry but I would be NC with her too I’m afraid. It’s very hard when it’s a parent who is great 99% of the time but it’s that 1% that you can’t trust. I don’t fully trust one of my parents, based on my childhood, so they aren’t left alone at all.

[TweeterandtheMonkeyman]

You poor thing .
That story from your own childhood sounds appalling- and I don’t think you fully realise that. Not your fault. I also had a chaotic childhood & it took me a while to put in place the boundaries I needed to with my father when my own children came along ( not violence issues but drink and drug use) . It’s really hard , you need to break contact & I strongly suggest some counselling.
Your poor ds , I hope he is ok.

[swinglowsweetchariot12]

I second everyone else's comment about getting that cut seen in case there is glass still in it

[peanutbuthead]

Sorry to hear this. Your Mum sounds troubled. Interesting how she didn't deny causing harm to the child but that she didn't remember

Relationships are never black and white and cutting somebody out, a mother, is not going to be easy

She is not facing up to her responsibility nor owning up to her faults. She needs help. Counselling. Perhaps can suggest she gets help and offer to be supportive but keep children away from her, for now.

At least do not leave them with her whilst you're not there

[Ilovenewyear]

Firstly, I’d suggest getting some medical advice for your child if it is a nasty cut. It might be at risk of infection.

If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand
Really? Never ever again, would that person have any relationship with me or my child. Honestly. Apology or not.

She’ll do it again OP.

[sadpapercourtesan]

She messaged to ask if you want to go to the park?! I'd reply with a picture of the wound she left on your son. And that would be the last she heard from us.

Anger aside, OP I would suggest that you address what she did to you in childhood (counselling probably a bit difficult during the pandemic of course) as it wasn't at all trivial. It wasn't an occasional anachronistic lapse in an otherwise wonderful mother. It was abuse. I have similar memories (being dumped with all my belongings at the age of 11 and left, for example - she came back later and then papered over it, as well). This sort of treatment is devastating to a child's sense of security and self-worth. In some respects the fact that it was so inconsistent and sporadic makes it more damaging. I think you have some processing to do.

[OhDear2200]

Horrible for your son.

Please think carefully about your next steps, the temptation will be to tell yourself it was a ‘one off’ or a ‘blip’. It wasn’t and it’s never acceptable to hurt a child in such a violent way.

If you continue to have a relationship with her or allow her to care for your children you are as bad as she is. You need to show your children that they are safe. They won’t ever feel safe again with her. They might not show it but they will be feeling it.

[bumpitybumpbump]

Firstly OP I'm sorry you had to go through that. The relationship one has with abusive parents is very complicated emotionally. I can completely understand that you must have hoped and wanted your mother to have changed and how this may leave you feeling once the immediate concern for your son has passed. I also understand why the advice being given is to sever all ties with your mother, but I expect it's more complicated than that.

My advice is that firstly (and as you have said)) you won't be leaving your son in her care again and if it was me I would prob discourage any kind of relationship between DM and DS. I just wouldn't want to expose my kids to that kind of behaviour - the emotional abuse that is harder to pick up can be as damaging as physical abuse. So the question for me is whether you want to maintain any kind of relationship with your mother after this. I expect she will never acknowledge this abuse and so being at peace with that in your relationship is going to be key for you - or at least finding a solution that ensures she can't be the source of further pain. For me that would prob mean limited contact and an arms length relationship. For others who are more forgiving it may be more! I would struggle with cutting all ties but I would remove all grandchildren privileges.

I personally wouldn't involve the police unless there was another contributing factor, For example if she looked after other kids.

What a horrid experience - sending a big hug and I hope you are ok. Sounds like you are a lovely mum yourself x

[lunar1]

A hand injury like that needs properly checking in A&E. They need to make sure there is no nerve damage depending on the position and depth of the cut.

I suspect that they will ring the police when he's seen.

[LightDrizzle]

You must get his hand seen. Hands are really important and complex.

[Housing101]

I would report this to the police. She's effectively hit a young child with a weapon. It's really hurt him. She needs a wake up call.

And that is also the final reason you needed to end communication once and for all. Protect those kids.

[Doublefaced]

She is not, nor has she ever been ‘good’ 99% of the time.
This is horrific. Your poor kids and I am so sorry this has happened to your family.

[Bluntness100]

I’m sorry exactly what are you looking for here? Your mother physically abused your child. Why don’t you know what to do? I grew up with an abusive parent, I’d have eaten my own liver before I left my own daughter with him

What exactly is confusing you op? You thinking it’s ok and just maybe you should put them back in there to take some more? Where’s your confusion?

I think you need to explain further what you’re asking.

[fuckrightoff]

Please take him to the hospital OP, he could have tendon damage or glass left if, it may scar badly if nor stitched if required. It must be awful for you but please take him don't worry about trying to protect your mum just make sure your DS is ok

[bumpitybumpbump]

Sorry lovely parent - my antiquated assumption that it's just mums on here - Sorry OP!

[HibernatingTill2030]

Hand wounds can be dodgy, keep a close eye on it. I would personally go to A+E/Minor injuries, but obviously it's your decision having seen it.

More seriously... you need to seriously consider cutting contact with your mum. I know it must be so hard, but you need to show your children that nobody has the right to hurt them, even family.

Talk to your children, explain nanny isn't very well and that none of this is their fault, even if they threw a cushion in the house- it doesn't excuse what your mother did.

Hope you are all OK tonight.

[Namechange8471]

Phone the police, take your son to A and E.

[Silkiechickscat]

I had something similar happen and I would cut contact and don't be persuaded back.

[Takingontheflab]

Holy shit. There is only one thing to do- protect your boys. Another chance is one too many. She hit him with broken glass!!!! It is so, so far from normal.

Show your boys they are never to tolerate that and you will always protect them.

[intheenddoesitreallymatter]

I'm usually very much in the court of take some time and see how you feel but oh my god. Report this to the police and cut her out of your life.

She clearly has very extensive mental health issues and needs help but she poses a danger to you and your kids.

Wtaf is wrong with her? How is his cut looking? Has it stopped bleeding? If not I would take him to A and E now. If it has, I would take him to the chemist tomorrow first thing and see if someone will take a look at it. A professional might see something you wouldn't.

[Ninkanink]

That is absolutely horrendous. She wouldn’t be seeing my children again.

Please go tonight and get his hand checked at A&E, it’s not good enough to just have patched it up.

[Eskarina1]

I assume she's asking because the change from being bubbled with and supported by her mum this morning and now her mum really hurting her child and potentially never seeing her again is a massive thing to process and she's in shock