My mum injured my son

[KevinTheBird]

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

[saraclara]

I'd never leave my children alone with her again. And frankly I don't think they'll want to be alone with her again.

It doesn't matter how wonderful she is 99% of the time, if she can explode like that, then they're not safe with her.

[Anydreamwilldo12]

Horrific. She is a very nasty dangerous woman. I wouldn't have anything to do with her ever again,

[LizFlowers]

Take a couple of photos of the injury, please.

There's something seriously wrong with your mother if she has isolated outbursts and immediately forgets them. However that is her problem, you must protect your children from her.

I do hope your son's injury heals up quickly; don't be afraid to go to A&E if it doesn't, you can't be too careful and the last thing wanted is an infection, bless his little heart.

This is horrible for you, Kevinthebird.

[KindnessCrusader]

I would never see her again.

[tired2021]

If she hit him with the smashed frame it needs looking at properly not patching up there may be glass or metal fragments in it. You don't say how old the children are but irrespective I would expect them to refer to Children Social Care as a concern. Please do not be afraid of this - you left your children with someone they should be able to trust. You are seeking medical care in a timely fashion. They will simply want to know that you are keeping them safe. Which does mean no more contact with this person. You already know that's what you need to do anyway. And yes I would support DC to report to police. If you don't and the wound becomes infected or DC relay the story to a friend and it gets out it will be viewed much more dimly. I'm sorry you're all going through this 🤗

[SausagePourHomme]

absolutely shocking. she will now attempt to minimise this and make you doubt yourself. After all she has been getting away with it for years.

You are the mother of your family and you can do whatever you feel you need to to keep your family safe. For me that would be the end of the relationship.

[LIZS]

You need to get his cut checked out, what if splinters of glass had got in? Never leave your dc with her again.

[beckyyl]

Sorry that would absolutely be the end of any relationship for me too.

[NerrSnerr]

How old is your son? He needs to go to a&e or minor injuries for someone to take a look just in case there's any glass left in it.

[FourDecades]

Did DC1 see your mum hit DC2?

[Flakeymcwakey]

Ugh this is awful, poor you, poor DS

"We will not be meeting up tomorrow. I don't feel that we are safe with you when you are really annoyed. I don't want to teach the DC that we ignore people hurting g us. I know you were furious about the picture and I would have been too. But realistically children will do stupid gongs sometimes and since I can't predict when that will be, and you find it fine to seriously hurt children when they have done something stupid, I can't see how we can all be together without my being anxuous and the xhildren feeling and actually being unsafe. Nor can I see how to move forward when ypu are not prpared to admit what ypu did, or were in such a blind rage you didn't have control of your actions. What am I supposed to do here? I couldn't forgive myself if you ever hurt them in a rage because I knew you were capable of it and didn't stop you. If anyone else in our lives did this you would likely be phoning the police and telling me not to see them again"

[Lucieintheskye]

Call 111 and ask for advice re: the cut. They may ask you to go to A&E or an emergency doctor's appointment, or they'll tell you how to clean the cut properly.

Then report your mother to the police. She has caused severe physical and mental harm and is at risk of doing it again. She should not be allowed near children as she is a known child abuser.

[DigitalChristmas]

@NaughtipussMaximus

That sounds extremely hard, OP.

Have you taken your son to A&E to check if he does need stitches? You can’t mess around with hand injuries.

Another poster saying to get it checked out just in case there is damage you can’t see or small fragments of glass left inside the wound.

[Oreservoir]

Get your dc’s hand looked at by a gp.
Your dm won’t change so you need to accept you can never leave your dc alone with her.
My ex sil had a dm who was like this.
Abusive towards sil growing up and then slapped my dn hard, for making a mess, when he was still quite young.
My sil never left the dc with her again.

[smeerf]

OP you'll need to get the wound X rayed to check if there's glass in there - my toddler son cut his head on a glass and had to have a shard removed under a general, you'd never have known it was there without the xray.

I haven't seen my dad be violent since I was a child, I let him have unsupervised access to my son. It never occurred to me that he might not be able to be trusted. This thread has made me rethink.

[ActualMermaid]

This must be so hard for you OP. I'm sorry that this has happened.

I think her behaviour would put an end to any close relationships with my DC personally.

[HmmSureJan]

She would never get near my children again. The fact that she's doesn't even remember doing it is scary because that means she has no control or awareness. They aren't safe with her.

[GalaKC]

I am so sorry this happened to you all. Like other posters said, I would never ever leave a child with her again. She wasn't even sorry, not that it would make any difference if you simply cannot trust her. I would actually struggle to even talk to her again after this. I wonder whether she is starting to show early signs of something like dementia? As lashing out aggresively, specially if she says she cannot remember it, and generally behaving that way are signs that, sadly, I have witnessed in people facing that road. I would make it clear to her she will never look after him again. That was child abuse and could easily escalate. Take it as a warning before something even worse happens. A big hug.

[InvisibleMoonDancer]

No one that did that to my dc would ever come anywhere near them again, mother or not.

[Dragongirl10]

That is horrific, of course after all those years you felt safe enough with her but she has proved that she is still not fit to be around children. I am so sorry op, how old is your DS?

[partyatthepalace]

Sorry OP.

I would take him to A and E - a bit of glass can do a lot of damage to a hand.

What is so weird is she isn’t sorry. If she is great 99% of the time and there have been no problems for 15 years, I wouldn’t personally cut her out completely. But I’d make it clear how awful this this, have a good break of a few months, and certainly only have her with the kids when I was there. I would also suggest during the break she goes and has some therapy, because there is something really wrong.

[DeeCeeCherry]

You're sentimental about a violent person because she's your Mum. But she's not your DCs mum, they do not deserve to be exposed to an aggressor, any more than you deserved it.

It's also a safeguarding issue. If it gets out what has happened you could be reported. & Your DC could be asked questions at hospital/GP, if there's the need for a visit.

Not to mention you need to think about why your DC hid the injury from you..

The best thing you can do is go no contact with your mother and that includes protecting your children by never letting her see them again.

[ofwarren]

Another one saying that I would go full no contact after that. Just dreadful.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

What you experienced in childhood is pretty far from a "great mum".

I've never left my "D"M along with my DC due to very similar behaviour and a total refusal to accept that she wasn't a perfect Mum.

Please don't let her pretend that nothing has happened and carry on as you before this latest incident. If you do, you are condoning her behaviour.

[CanNotStandTheBull]

As a child you couldn't control your relationship with your mother. Now you are an adult it is your role to protect your children.

I would be fucking fuming that she had tried to sweep her abusive behaviour under the carpet.

She wouldn't be seeing my kids again and you should be getting the cut seen to.