I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

I’m not one of those didn’t want to breastfed and formula fed mothers. I am one of those breastfeeding mothers.

But I’m not going to tell you what to do. Nobody’s job.
You must make a decision you feel happy and comfortable with.

All I would say though is that you are most definitely not in the minority. Quite the opposite. The UK has one of the lowest rates of breastfeeding globally so your feeling harassed to do it is not because you live in a country where formula feeding is unusual and frowned upon.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

I was the same I never wanted to do it. I understand the pros and cons and still didn't want to do it. I had people saying I should at least do the first fue days to give them colostrum. I've had two babys and never did it. My best advice is when your milk comes in after baby is born dont touch your boobs at all and wair a tight bra. Enjoy feeding your baby the way you want to.

I’m a breastfeeding mum too but wouldn’t judge you. You have to make decisions about what you feel is best for your own child. If you feel guilty because you’re not sure it’s the right decision, that’s one thing - get more info, but if you are sure then there’s no point in wasting time on guilt.

You are definitely in the majority. I see ff mums far more than bf mums. We have poor bfing rates in this country.

It's easy to hear judgement when people are just making conversation but 99.9% of people make no value judgement on how you feed your baby.

I breastfed. Breast feeders are in the minority in the UK. Guilt comes from within. No one can make you feel guilty. So ignore the things that are making you feel that way and feed how you want to feed.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

I think it’s too early to commit to a decision. I didn’t want to in the second trimester - in fact three days before the baby was born I said I’d see! - and then when he was born I wanted to, successfully tried, breastfed for 6 months, and stopped. I didn’t particularly like it but for me it was not difficult and we mixed fed a bit so my husband also fed the baby. Like many things, committing too early makes you feel backed into a corner. It was at the time easier for me to feed and I lost a lot of weight.

Lots of people don’t manage to breastfeed so even if you had that plan it might not work. Be kind to yourself and don’t plan too much. But if you do want to bottle feed, do - everyone has an opinion on everything you do with the baby so just do what’s right for you.

I second what PP has already said. Breastfeeding rates are extremely low in this country and you would be in the majority by giving formula.

What I would say is a minority decision is giving formula immediately at birth, and that might be why you’re having this experience. The majority of women who formula feed start out with the intention and desire to breastfeed, but give up due to a lack of support, lack of knowledge about ‘normal’ baby feeding behaviours and marketing from formula companies which undermines women. It’s less common for mums to have a desire to formula feed at the offset, but they definitely exist and I’m sure you’ll find some like-minded people in your pregnancy and postnatally.

Try and see the breastfeeding promotion as a small effort against billion dollar companies to improve health outcomes in our country, rather than a personal attack.

There was a recent TV show about formula that perhaps someone else can remember the name of? It demonstrated how all the brands have the same components and there is no benefit in buying an expensive brand over a supermarket own. They really are master manipulators and will convince you to pay over the odds for added fats that give your baby super vision. It’s all nonsense so save your £££s and buy cheap!

I'm due baby no 3 very soon won't be breast feeding never have done and never felt pressure or guilt to do it .

I chose to breast feed my son. You have chosen to formula feed your baby.
That's it really, you choose what's best for you and your baby. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I did breastfeed my children but it wasn't the all encompassing love bubble/bonding experience everyone says it is. No real issues but I was happy when I stopped as I found it a real tie.
I did it as it is good for the baby, natural and very convenient- no packing or sterilising bottles etc. So no judgement here just do what you want.

I’ll be totally honest - I do find your decision difficult to understand, but I recognise it’s none of my business!

I judge you, sorry to be honest. I really just can't understand it. And when people say they're doing what's best for their babies, they're not, they're doing what's best for them. And I know happy mums make happy babies but you couldn't possibly know breastfeeding will make you unhappy if you don't try.

Sorry again

I didn't want to bf my baby when I was pregnant and ended up doing it for 10 months. I have underlying health issues and knew I was going to have to stop at some point so just didn't want to get into it as I thought it would be painful and just plain weird. Due to the fact we knew we might need to stop bf at any point we introduced a bottle at 2 weeks and he had formula in that before bed (from dad) from that point onwards. My point is that you just end up finding whatever works for you and don't be put off by anyone telling you that you must do XYZ "or else" as that's just not supportive and not real life. If you do NCT there is a session specifically about breast feeding but if you've decided it's still not for you then they should respect that - again, we were pleasantly surprised about how pro formula/interventions our leader was but I think it depends on the leader. You'll also probs find that the ones who are all "only breast for my baby, wouldn't dream of using formula" when pregnant end up with difficulties as they're trying to do it all "properly" even if baby has other ideas and then it'll be the ones who are more flexible with their feeding options that actually end up with less problems whatever route they chose because they aren't putting themselves under so much pressure.

In terms of tv, the media etc they have to show breast feeding as best as they're forced to by government legislation. This is why you never see adverts for first formula on TV so the companies had to develop a "follow on" milk so they could advertise. In terms of formula just pick whatever one you can most easily get hold of - if you shop in different supermarkets then go for a brand name but it will be the exact same price every where you shop as that's also controlled by the government. We have cow and gate as it was the cheapest of the branded options but literally they're all the same and there's no need to get anything fancy (anti reflux etc) unless you're told to by a doctor/health visitor.

Likewise, depending on where you give birth you'll find different levels of support available in relation to feeding (both breast and formula) and you might have to be very firm with your stance on breast feeding with some of the pushier hospital staff. Get your birth partner on side for support too if you feel it will be a challenge but as I say I think some places are better than others. My baby had his first drink as formula from his dad with the encouragement of the midwife and then I decided I wanted to give breast feeding a try later in the day. What people do long term will also depend on where you live - I'm in SW London with the "100% natural at all times even if it kills me" brigade and most people in my circles do breast feed for the first six months at least even if it'd be better for baby and mum if they switched to formula. However when I go home to northern England it's the complete opposite and my mum acts like it's a badge of honour that I "fed my baby myself" as no one really does there.

I wanted to breastfeed and didn’t manage to.
I enjoyed formula feeding, once I’d decided to

I am pregnant again and this time will be formula feeding but if for some reason breastfeeding happens il do a combo. But I don’t particularly fancy putting myself through the stress of it like before

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I breastfed and had nosy parkers telling me to top up with formula or to move to formula at 6 months.

How you decide to feed your baby is your decision. There will always be someone who thinks they know better. They don't.

You do what you want. As a parent, you quickly learn you need to switch off the millions of opinions & ‘advice’ you’ll be offered, hear etc! Second time around, you are def much better at it!

I’m someone who had no strong opinions either way with my first but I felt I would try simply for the reason it’s free & obviously good for baby. Sadly, I got very sucked into the pressure of BF, formula being the devil etc & I tortured myself for weeks when it wasn’t working out. It ruined the first month of having my baby, I struggled mentally & to bond with my baby as all I could associate her with was pain, struggle & crying. I did switch the formula completely but still carried so much guilt.

The thing that changed everything for me & made me realise I needed to let go & just enjoy my baby was going to a baby class & seeing well over half the mums formula feeding unapologetically. I chatted to a couple, both who FF from the beginning as they wanted too.. it blew my mind slightly. From that point, I dropped the guilt & began to enjoy being a mum!

Second is due in a few weeks & feeding is not a worry. I know I’ll formula feed predominantly & I’m fully prepared with bottles, formula etc! I intend to pump for a short while to give baby maybe 1 or 2 breast milk bottles a day but no pressure. Just whatever works for us.

Feeding us this huge thing when they are little but you get to their first birthday & wonder whatever you worried about. I look at all the children in my now 2.5 yr olds nursery & who knows who was breastfed & who wasn’t! & who cares.. each mum will have made her own personal decision at the time.

I didn't breastfeed. The thought of it repulsed me - I don't like being touched much though, which may have influenced my revulsion. Also I didn't give DS his first feed - I was too busy vomiting and being cleaned up after labour. My mum gave him his first bottle. I was never asked if I wanted to breast feed.

Anyway he is a healthy, happy 20 year old now. You wouldn't know from looking at children which are formula fed and which are breastfed. It is a very personal decision and one you can only make to suit you and your family.

I didn't want to with my first 13 years ago but my old Scottish gran came to the hospital and literally told me to 'stick yer tit in his mouth for Christ sake!'so I did!

I hated it but then I loved it and went on to do it for a year and glad I did. Granny knows best!

Do what you want, honestly no one except you cares what you do with your baby.

I formula fed my first as I had never met anyone who breastfed and was discouraged from the start by horror stories.

My advice would be to wear a tight bra in the few days afterwards as your breasts might become engorged, heavy and sensitive to touch when your milk comes in but with lack of stimulation it will die down

Buy whichever formula is readily available in your nearest shop - they are all pretty much the same (same ingredients, just different composition and any 'added benefits' aren't actually proven)

Worth that said I decided to give breastfeeding a go second time around and despite a reluctant and rather horrified family (I was given a tub of formula "for when I realised I wasn't a cow haha" 🙄) we carried on for 16 months and in many aspects I found it easier but that's not always the case.

The reason breastfeeding is promoted across the media is because the majority use formula and breast milk is best for human babies because it's tailored to them specifically rather than manufactured. That doesn't mean that you're wrong to formula feed - I'm personally sceptical of all the benefits other than practicality - but I do understand the need to promote it.

You're definitely not alone in a "no breast world".

I'll be honest and say I don't understand not trying, especially not giving colostrum, when it's the best for the baby. I looked at it as giving the baby the best start I could and even if it was hard at first, I kind of just felt 'so what?' about it because parenting is hard and for me it was the first thing I could do that was a positive decision for her.

But that's only for myself. I don't really care what others do as it's nothing to do with me. I did what I felt was best for my baby, others will do the same, so I wouldn't judge you as it's just of no interest to me what others choose to do, really. I'm comfortable in what I did and that's the important thing. I might not understand it, but I don't have to.

It's your baby your choice. I've done a mix of breastfeeding and bottle varying from child to child. My two year old is still no weaned yet he refused all bottles. My 1st I bottle fed. my last is mixed. Honestly cant tell the difference between who is fed what.

I breastfeed, husband very supportive but nobody else in family does. So we get "oh but how will dad bond if he can't feed him a bottle" "hes using you as a dummy " "how much longer are you going to bf".
People will complain, pressure and judge no matter what way you choose.
Someone will always know a better brand of nappy, best way to get them to nap etc.
As a parent you'll need thicker skin as it's always something.
I don't quite get people not wanting to bf the same way you don't quite get others wanting to. Really doesn't mean anyone is a better parent. Perhaps (definitely!) your house will be tidier than mine as bf some days is a full time job in itself, but that suits me fine just now as that's been our choice. Pros and cons to both. It needs to work for you and if it's something you're really not interested in you're putting unnecessary pressure on yourself at an already difficult time and although bf supports your hormones stabilising in a way and reduces your chance of PND this won't be the case if you're hating every minute of it.
Enjoy your baby when they come, hope everything goes well!

Why don't you want to?

Practical advice - take bottles and ready made formula with you to hospital (assuming you are not home birthing) and practice sterilising and mixing up formula before you have the baby.

I would enter it with an open mind. From experience it was detrimental to have a mindset with without having any experience. I was set on breastfeeding but unable to. I would like to go back and tell myself, just go with the flow. Breastfeeding, or not, is not what makes you a good mum.

Great, good for you. I didn’t want to formula feed so I didn’t 🤷🏼‍♀️