I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

Long term health outcomes for breastfed babies were massively overstated. There is very little difference between formula fed and breastfed babies.

A happy and unstressed mum, plus a dad who is actively involved, is going to trump anything breast milk can do.

Ignore the obsessive breastfeeders, 99% of their spiel is about their own ego.

@yellowandpurple

Is right dispatches have done 2 for channel 4. One was on breastfeeding and one on the great formula debate. Both well worth a watch

I combi feed so no judgement at all, you have to do what is right for you. Be open to when baby is born changing your mind though, I took formula to hospital just incase

I’m a mother who was forced to formula feed. I desperately wanted to breastfeed. But my pituitary had a massive bleed. So I didn’t produce prolactin. Or oxytocin. Which caused huge problems.

I wanted to bf and ended up ff for various reasons. All I would say is don't waste your time on guilt. I wasted the first couple of years of DD1's life feeling like the worst mother ever. She's now 12, lying on the bed next to me, cuddled up and watching her iPad. I had no reason to feel guilty, no one does. Do whatever you want, your baby won't mind.

It's your body so your choice.
Personally I don't understand it either, but I would respect your choice.
I found I had a very strong instinct to breastfeed when my baby was born - it might be worth being open to trying if it feels right. You can do both breastfeeding and formula - it doesn't have to be one or the other. Formula has more health risks for both you and the baby which is why you see more people talking about breastfeeding and I think most women want to try it. However it is your choice.

I'm going to be honest and say that I think you should consider the

My advise would be is to tell the MW you will BF, as that will stop them judging and nagging you - but actually feed your baby in anyway you please.

I was a breastfeeder.

Personally I think you will actually do a lot for the breastfeeding cause by standing up and saying you don’t want to.

Because my own theory as to why bf rates in this country are so low is that nobody feels they can just say they didn’t want to. There are a lot of myths around bf, supply etc and a lot of bad advice which gets passed around and perpetuated.

If more women felt confident enough to simply say they didn’t want to i reckon it would increase breast feeding rates as more women would successfully feed - at the moment the vast majority fail and bf is seen as almost impossible...

I had exactly the same thiughts as you when pregnant. The truth is, as the the evidence is 'breast is best' - formula companies are not allowed to advertise newborn milk.
I never had any desire to BF, I found the whole thing 'weird' in my own weird way. Its the most natural thing in the world but it wasnt for me.
DC1 - I was pressured off midwives, still said no. Felt guilty
DC2 - still felt guilty, less pressure this time, got a few looks
DC3 - didnt feel guilty. It was what it was. It was my decision

I dont doubt that BFing has so many benefits and applaud women who can do it. But at the end of the day, a happy mum is a happy baby so do whats right for you.

Simply being totally honest

1)I really respect you broaching this subject, be prepared for some harsh answers but well done for wanting to explore the subject.
2) I find it incredibly sad that formula is no longer a totally acceptable alternative for people who are unable to breast feed but a choice people male because they dont 'want' to breast feed.

Advice -find out exactly why you don't want to bf. Is it embarasment? Scared to do it in public? Simply because you want to share the load? All totally understandable.

I struggle to accept women who just dont fancy it... i dont fancy brushing my sons teeth, or changing nappies, or clearing up sick... but these are all for his benefit. I underatand thats its your body and all that but think very long and hard before denying your child the benefits of breast milk simply because you have decided you arnt prepared to try.

Women who try to bf and struggle or are miserable... totally, grab that bottle. happy mummy is happy baby. No judgment for a mum struggling to choose formula. Ive seen bf mums struggle and its awful.

Is there a compromise? Could you tolerate it for the first 2/4 weeks? Even if you dont directly bf. You could pump abit and offer colostrum and milk?

I strongly urge you to discuss this with your midwife - my little boy was combination fed. I bf at home and he happily took formula or expressed when out and about. My husband was able to bond and help out, my friends (or only a few) havnt had to witness my childs sloppy latch and my ds was happy to be fed by anyone and everyone.

Im not intending to cause upset, im sure you will be a fab mummy either way... but just trying to offer a different perspective.

Good luck x

First thing I learnt about being a mum: you can't win so you do what's best for you and your baby :) I formula fed my first - she's 4 and I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she's been properly ill, she's the most hyperactive, confident little madame I've ever met and she's perfectly happy. I didn't get any judgement from hospital staff and never had any issues while out and about either (pregnancy was the only time I ever had anyone say anything negative about it). My 2nd is 8 months and exclusively breastfed, honestly I love the bond and convenience (no sterilizing/making up bottles/packing lots of things - I am lazy ) but it has not been easy, it's taken away all of my freedom which has affected by mental health badly, and she won't take a bottle at all now so I couldn't stop if I wanted to. I've faced more comments and judgement with my breastfed baby than my formula fed baby so I honestly think I will formula feed if I have another baby because that's what will work best for our family.

Science doesn't take into account individual circumstances/feelings. Yes breastmilk is nutritionally superior but what good is that if the mother is uncomfortable/dreading every feed. You are just as important and your feelings matter too.

Good luck with your pregnancy and don't listen to anyone who has anything negative to say

Your baby, your choice.

I breastfed both of my two boys and will do the same for this little girl due May. It wasn't easy as none of my female relatives had breastfed so advice hard to come by, but I got there in the end.

The decision I've made that has "raised eyebrows" as it were is to opt for a home birth this time around. Absolutely in the minority! Having done lots of research I've come to the conclusion that it's safest for baby and I so I have learnt to ignore the opinions of others!

All the best with your new addition

I fully breastfeed now after two hellish months of mixed feeding and pumping because my baby wouldn’t latch. It’s really hard for some people so I do think you have to be dedicated and if your heart isn’t in it the there’s nothing wrong with giving formula - it has all the nutrients that your baby needs to grow. However there are many benefits to breastfeeding, before you decide why not attend a breastfeeding workshop at your hospital? Then at least you can do your research and come to an informed decision.

For me breastfeeding is the most wonderful bonding experience, so much more than bottle feeding - which is just functional really. At times breastfeeding is almost euphoric as it releases happy hormones. I’m also loosing a lb a week at least and eating whatever I fancy. Breastfeeding really calms my baby too when she’s a bit grumpy.

Also I have several friends who FF with similar aged babies to mine and they are always sick. Mine hasn’t had any illness since she was born despite being around myself and my partner with flu, colds etc...

Also if you do decide to FF then you’re in the vast majority so don’t worry about that and whatever decision you make don’t feel guilty. There’s no right and wrong here xxx

Good luck with the rest of your pregnacy

I do struggle to understand anyone just not wanting to even try bf, even though ff is the 'norm'.

I also detest the idea that a dad can only bond with their baby by giving them a bottle- that's bs and adding pressure not to bf for no reason.

There does seem to be more judgement towards mums who bf than those who ff. I don't judge either way, fed is best and there's no point in guilt either way.

I breastfed 2 out of 4 of my sons
My sister thought it was awful and disgusting
And would never breastfeed, then fed all 3 of her kids still feeding ds3 who is nearly 2.

I felt bad I couldn’t feed ds1 and ds3 was in nnu and it just never happened. Ds4 o fed over a year he’s the one with eczema asthma etc I enjoyed it and I liked not having to make up bottles in the night etc but now they are 18/14/8&9 how I fed them doesn’t really matter tbh do what makes sense to you, don’t rule it out completely you really don’t know how you’ll feel when baby is born. Congrats on your pregnancy and enjoy

As already said, the vast majority of babies in this country are formula fed. Seeing breastfeeding mums on tv or elsewhere in media is very recent and a good thing. Till a few months ago the only place I recall seeing a woman breastfeeding a baby was in an advert for top up formula. The irony. If you want to formula feed because it’s easier for you - you’ll never know if it would have been but once breastfeeding is established few things are easier or more convenient - then that’s your decision and one you share with the majority. I think blaming society for your feelings of guilt is a bit precious. Own your choices and let others own theirs.

PP pretending that breastfeeding is not really that much better for a baby are ridiculous. The benefits of breastfeeding are not over stated and being informed about that is best. That said, your body and your baby so do what you need to do. Breast feeders are in the minority and formula feeding mums are not. I would personally judge you for not trying but would keep it to myself of course, you cant change how other people think and feel. I was and still am judged for breastfeeding , you cant worry about anyone else's opinions. Maybe you will feel different when you see your baby rooting for boob or maybe it will confirm how you felt all along.

Never wanted to, never intended to, never did, never regretted it for a second.
You don’t need other people to understand or validate your decisions. Feed your baby safely and adequately however you want

I was very much of the opinion that as long as my baby is fed, I don't care how. I tried breastfeeding and he just couldn't latch. At all. I had every midwife, maternity care assistant, maternity unit volunteer and even a couple of consultants try and help. After 48 hours, in the middle of a Sunday night (still in hospital, born Friday night and no feeding specialist until the Monday) I phoned my husband and told him to bring bottles and formula. Baby took formula, was content, and has been ever since!

I expressed for the first 8 weeks or so (alongside formula feeding, he probably had 2 bottles of expressed milk a day) until I had to go back on to my long term medication which meant I couldn't express any more anyway.

I have no regrets. Turns out he's very tongue tied (still is, can't poke it out or lift from the floor of his mouth) but when I saw the feeding specialist on the Monday, because I was happy with bottle feeding, they were happy and nothing further was done. If I wasn't happy, they'd have done whatever they needed to try and assist breastfeeding but I was never pushed to do it.

Also forgot to add now I am breastfeeding full time it’s SO much easier than washing all those bloody bottles!!! I’ve got so much more time now it’s great 👍

Don't let the guilt in. I had planned to BF mostly due to it being rammed down my throat in pregnancy. Midwives also made it seem easy. I asked one if there would be formula available in the hospital if I was unable to breastfeed and her answer was why wouldn't you be able to breastfeed. Not helpful. The first time I gave him a bottle I felt like I was giving him poison. I know that sounds dramatic but it had been so vilified. He's 3 months now and I can see that he's thriving. He's such a big boy. He loves his bottles and this morning for example I was able to have a lie in while DH got up and changed and fed him. No matter what you do people will get there 2ps worth in. You have to make the choice that's right for you. As far as choosing which formula we went with the cheapest one available near us which in our case was aldi mamia. It's quite similar to aptimil so I'm able to use their pre-made bottles if we're out and about.

I did attempt to BF my first but I didn’t really want to, it’s not for me. I lasted a week and it was awful, hated everything about it. Got ill and had to stop and was in equal measure delighted and felt guilty. When I had my second I didn’t BF him at all, no guilt and felt much happier. I wish I’d never bothered with the first either instead of feeling I had to when I didn’t want to.

At the end of the day it’s a personal choice and you and your feelings matter too, those don’t stop just because you have a baby so if you don’t want to BF don’t.

Do what works for you. I chose not to breastfeed DS2 because Ds1 was only 16 months old when his brother was born and I felt it would be just be too difficult to manage as their Dad worked ridiculously long hours so it would just be all all day on my own.

It's completely up to you. Many mothers can't breastfeed and their children grow up as healthy as breastfed ones.

I tried to breastfeed my premature twins but couldn't. They got a little bit of colostrum but very little milk came in. Before formula was invented they would have died. They're now tall, athletic 12 year olds.

So do whatever makes you happy!