I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

If only this was the one thing mother’s to be and mother’s feel guilty about!
OP you should do what you want and don’t feel under any pressure from advertising, debates, midwife etc.
My mother didn’t breastfeed me or my DB, we turned out perfectly healthy, intelligent and emotionally close to her. I breastfed exclusively because I couldn’t be bothered with the idea of bottles, sterilising and all that malarkey (it was lucky I could do it but I was mentally prepared To accept I might have not been able to). My children turned out healthy, intelligent and close to both DH and me.
Nobody in DH’s close family breastfed ever and they are all equally fine. I did feel they couldn’t understand why I bothered with breastfeeding but that’s life.
I know there are studies to demonstrate the benefits of breastfeeding but I’m not sure how many studies have been done(for obvious reasons) to demonstrate formula is detrimental to babies. In my small world of personal observations of family and friends, it makes no difference. As long as you are happy then your baby will thrive. That’s what matters.
The option is there so use it.
I have the same view about elective cesarians but lots of people disagree with that too.

I FF by choice from day 1 with both my DC. I'm a feminist and I see how bf has essentially ruined my female friends' lives. They have to do all the night shifts, for example - imagine not getting an unbroken night's sleep for six months. Ridiculous. Ruins the gender dynamics of once equal relationships, as the mother becomes the most important parent. It's a terrible idea all 'round.

FF mothers are so much happier, well-rested and living normal lives again asap. For example, you can leave the baby for longer than 2 hours! BF ruins lives.

Don't feel bad I formula fed my two you have to do what's best for you and your family.

I certainly never judge any woman on how she chooses to fed her baby be that breast or formula so long as the baby is taken care of is healthy and happy that's all that matters in the long run good luck with rest of your pregnancy 😃

I struggle to accept women who just dont fancy it..

Why do you have to “accept” them? It’s none of your goddam business.

Personally I find it hard to “accept” judgy types like you. It should matter not a rat’s ass to you how other women feed their babies. Just concentrate on your own.

It's completely fine if you don't want to do it. I didn't either when I was pregnant but then I thought I might as well give it a go and I could always stop if I hated it.

But I found that it was a totally different story once baby was actually here. Breastfeeding was just something that felt completely right and natural once I had my daughter in my arms. Instinct and biology just took over.

Not everyone has that experience, which is fine, we were pretty lucky with how easy it was, but I wouldn't write it off straight off the bat and maybe keep an open mind. You can always mix and match formula and breastfeeding, it doesn't have to be 100% one or the other.

I can't help feeling that not even trying it (for the benefit of the baby) is a little selfish. The nutritional value and health benefits simply cannot be replicated by formula. It's not for you, it's for the baby.

It's your child so you have a greater investment in ensuring his or her best health outcomes than any random strangers. Only you can make that decision. If people have an opinion on your choice to not even attempt to give your child the best possible health outcomes then they should keep that opinion to themselves.

@ScissorsBike I think you know yourself what you’ve just said is untrue 😂

Breastfeeding is one of the beet things I’ve ever done.

Surly as a feminist you should support women? 🤣

@knightlight women give up a lot to carry and birth children. They don't have to do every single thing that is deemed "better for the baby". Baby will be just fine FF or BF. It would probably be better for my baby if I never went back to work but I'm going to. You don't have to sacrifice everything and be a martyr to you child to be a good mum.

Best not beet 😂

I was like you. Knew from the start I wanted to formula feed.

I liked knowing exactly what my child was eating. I liked that I was happy and he was happy and he didn't go through 6 weeks of struggling to feed whilst my supply came in.

Out of curiosity I tried to breastfeed once he was born - every mid wife told me that his latch was good and if he was latching he was feeding. The first night in hospital he screamed and screamed. I couldn't calm him. Eventually half way through day two a midwife suggested trying him with a bottle. He immediately took it and was happy.

My milk never came in. In reality for those first 24 hours I was starving my child and if I'd have kept on until my milk did / didn't come in it would have been utterly selfish of me.

In reality the only people that care whether you feed by breast or bottle tend to be people that breast feed. Especially after 6 months and they're weaned it never comes up in conversation by anyone else.

I breastfed my daughter and loved it. I fully support a woman's choice on how to feed her own baby, but if more women at least tried breastfeeding, we wouldn't have such low rates in this country. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, no bother, at least you tried. Because whichever way you look at it, even a short period of breastfeeding is more often than not, better for your baby.

@amazedmummy

I never said women should sacrifice themselves 😂

But I do think everyone should try breastfeeding before deciding on formula. If you don't get on with it, fine. Fed is best.

@WhatALearningCurve milk does come in for 3 days. You have a tiny amount of colostrum at first which is enough to feed you baby as their stomach is only the size of a walnut. You weren’t starving your baby don’t worry xx

Doesn’t not does 😂

I breastfed for 3 months, I was so passionate about breastfeeding and wanted to make it exclusively to 6 months.

3 months in my baby was hospitalised for being severely underweight and I was in for 2 weeks with him breastfeeding and pumping. He still did not gain weight.

I struggled with it from the start, I had support and I was doing everything right. It didn't work for us. The baby was sick, unhappy, not sleeping so as you can imagine as parents we weren't feeling great and my husband felt useless.

Since baby has been on formula I've seen such an improvement - he sleeps through, my husband can help and I've bonded a lot better.

I'm not saying formula is the best way, but it was for me and my baby.

Don't feel bad, I still encourage breastfeeding and would try again if I was ever lucky to have another baby but if you really don't want to do it then don't do it.

My baby is the same as every baby his age, he's happier since formula.

Do what feels right to YOU

Don't feel guilty. Do what is right for you.

I didn't want to breastfeed, so I didn't. I didn't even want to try it. I wanted my body to be my own again after pregnancy so I formula fed.

I'm glad I formula fed my three. I don't care who judges me for saying that and it is none of their business.

If not wanting to even try it made me selfish then so be it.

@knightlight no you didn't specifically say sacrifice but you did say it's selfish to not do what's "best for baby". If you know you don't want to breastfeed and the idea makes you unhappy then why put yourself through it? I tried, I was guilt tripped by healthcare professionals for a week to keep trying while my sons weight dropped and dropped and dropped. Then when I stopped trying I felt horribly guilty and have PND as it's not what's "best for baby". If I'd been honest with myself from the start and now bowed to the pressure of what's "best for baby" I could have enjoyed this time so much more. If you don't want to then don't. Don't feel like you need to try because it's what's "best".

Not bowed

I'm with cerbiatta. We are the only mammal that chooses to feed another mammals milk to our offspring. It's not a natural thing to do. You can do what ever you please in the end and all that happy mum happy baby stuff comes into play but essentially biologically, our babies are designed to be fed by breast, by their mother. Socially the model is different.
Do what you please but dont moan you feel guilty.

@PointlessAddict

The entire point of posting on a place like here is to get a variety of opinions?!

I think my post is quite obviously not anti formula - its a ridiculous thing to say that people shouldn't have opinions when the entire premise of mumsnet is advice,opinions,support,disagreement.

Bf is a touchy subject. End of. Im hardly suggesting the op kills herself trying and if she cant - fine. Makes no odds to me. Im never likely to meet her or her baby and dont actually care if she feeds its nesquik. Im offering my opinion and suggestions.

Saying people shouldnt have an opinion on a site like this is daft.

Im also allowed to struggle to understand/accept people who dont vaccinate their kids, feed them a healthy diet, educate them ect...

Im not saying, nor did i say that this lady is wrong or going to be a bad mum?!

Her post was specifically about her concerns regarding peoples opinions on not choosing to bf. So i gave my opinion.

If you don't want to BF, then don't, it is your choice. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty, put your choice on your birth plan & take a couple of packs of ready made bottles to hospital, leave a few packs at home for if you need more bringing in. There is too much pressure on new mums to bf, it is no wonder that PND levels are so high. I was lucky in that my milk never came in, I had an emcs & was very poorly afterwards, this didn't stop the midwives trying to put pressure on me to bf, but once I was fully conscious 3 days after ds was born, I found my voice & told them I was FF. Ds was never poorly, he fed well & you would never know to look at him that he was ff. Just like if you lined up a class of reception children, you couldn't pick out who was FF or BF.

Go with an open mind! You might want to try it and see how you feel.

My little one was too hungry for my supply so we combi fed, meant I could experience the bonding of breastfeeding and my partner could feed him too.

No pressure

It's amazing how unsupportive Mumsnet is on subjects like this.

I felt the same as you, never breastfed, never felt bad, and don’t regret my decision in the slightest.