I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

@HarrietM87 I am ask what benefits you are talking about. You have just said not intelligences but what health benefits? You say there are benefits but then don’t say specifics. You then say at a population level but as far as I can see all the studies look at an individual level then extrapolate their data to a population basis. Also the NHS makes recommendations on the best available evidence at the time- just because the NHS recommends it doesn’t mean that there are loads of good quality studies. They change their recommendations all the time so please if you want to say that it is just a fact it is better for babies then please provide the evidence not just tell me to google.

I breastfed and formula fed DD, at one point she was mixed fed. Which was just as well as it meant that the nurses could feed her when she ended up in hospital for several weeks at a few weeks old, and I was told to go home for the odd night or two to get a decent night’s sleep.

Some of the posts on here are bonkers. I mean the “feminist” argument from ScissorsBike. Really!
IMO breastfeeding, like pregnancy, is most definitely not a feminist issue.
Also, the idea that a mother breastfeeding a baby means that the father won’t bond is utter bollocks. DD bonded as much with DH as she did with me. He cuddled her, changed her nappy and played with her. The only thing he didn’t do was breast feed her.

Fact, not anecdata - Breastmilk is usually better for babies than formula. How you get it into a baby is up to you
Fact – breast feeding is free, always at the right temperature and always available (once it has been established)
Fact – a happy, unstressed mother is more likely to result in a happier, well fed baby

My experience:
I found breast feeding really hard to start with. DD wasn’t interested in latching on at first so had to be given formula as her blood sugar became dangerously low. It took ages to establish breastfeeding, and I would never judge anyone who doesn’t do it.

Breastfeeding DD to start with meant that my uterus shrank back down to pre-pregnancy size within 10 days, and I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes when DD was three weeks.

Once I started mixed feeding I realised what a right old faff sterilising and making up bottles was. And this was back in the day when it was considered OK to make up 24 hours worth of feeds in one go and keep it in the fridge.

Breastfed baby poo doesn’t smell. Really it doesn’t. Once I started DD on formula her poo began to smell, and when she started exclusively on formula she became quite constipated. I don’t actually know whether it is more common in formula fed babies or whether it was the switch from breast milk to formula that did it. I ended up having to give DD some lactulose.

I'm so young and don't want my boobs to go to shit

Breastfeeding won’t do that.

In general, I think bf is a bad thing. The tiny savings it would make for our health system (a few dozen million) should not be paid for by destroying women's lives

Wow! Just wow! What is your doctorate in ScissorsBike? Bullshitting? Are you on glue?

Just do what feels right for you, but keep an open mind. Oh, and I used Cow and Gate because that is what DD had been given in hospital.

I’m not denying there are benefits by the way. I do know it reduces the risk of infection but some of the other claims (obesity, better bonding and intelligence) the evidence is of less good quality and ends up making mums anxious which is why I ask for specifics as just saying ‘it is better fact’ isn’t helpful.

Hi I have 3 children. My first I didn't want to breastfeed so did not. However, some of my friends I met while pregnant did breastfeed and I felt it would have been nice so breastfeed my other 2. All are perfectly healthy so it really makes no difference - do what every you feel is right and are comfortable with. I was not pressured either way by hospital or midwives.

@Wuzzle85 my original statement was responding to a poster who said there were no benefits. You have agreed with me that there are so we don’t need to go any further.

@bingbangbing The NHS still recommends putting blankets in babies' cribs so honestly I don't have much faith in anything they have to say.

Besides which, doctors used to recommend smoking to clear the lungs. They aren't all knowing Gods who are never wrong.

If you're happy breastfeeding, go for it. The benefits long term are so minuscule they're not worth mentioning. A formula fed baby with a mum who isn't stressed and sleep deprived is always going to be better off. Breastfeeding works for a lot of women but if it doesn't why continue the endless fucking guilt tripping.

It's pure misogyny.

It must be the area you are from and age group because basically everyone I know bottle fed. I was in the minority breastfeeding.

No one really cares how anyone else feeds their baby and if they do. I wouldnt let it bother you, it's your baby, your body, your decision. Do what's best for you.

@ginfordinner Breastfeeding is only free if you think women's time and mental health has no value.

Stepping away from this now as all people say is "it's just better, that's a fact" because the NHS says so despite plenty of studies contradicting this.

A formula fed baby with a mum who isn't stressed and sleep deprived is always going to be better off.

One of the benefits of bf is that you can feed lying down and half sleep while doing it.

@LoveIsLovely

Are you the poster who will only listen to the American Peads Association because you think it's the only evidence based one?

@LoveIsLovely Breastfeeding is only free if you think women's time and mental health has no value.

This implies that it’s a negative thing on both counts. In terms of mental health some women really enjoy it.
And in terms of time, I don’t think the length of maternity leave differs whether you bf or ff; bf doesn’t have to be exclusive and you can express to have a break so not sure what point you’re making re time. It’s not like ff mothers don’t spend time with their babies.

You then say at a population level but as far as I can see all the studies look at an individual level then extrapolate their data to a population basis

I can’t decide whether I am being thick, missing something, or you really don’t understand metadata and statistical significance...

Stepping away from this now as all people say is "it's just better, that's a fact" because the NHS says so despite plenty of studies contradicting this.

What reliable studies contradict that the substance specifically designed to feed infants is the best option?

There's nothing wrong with formula, but it's a substitute for breast milk and it's not 'better' either. The take issue with the posters saying ff is better and bashing bf while wailing they feel judged.

A formula fed baby with a mum who isn't stressed and sleep deprived is always going to be better off.

what about the formula fed baby with a mum who is sleep deprived because prepping formula takes a lot more time and stressed because she wanted to breastfeed but didn't get the support she needed? Or the breastfed baby with a mum who isn't stressed and sleep deprived because she did get support and can feed at night without having to get up?
It works all ways.

I really couldn't care less what you do and I'm sure you'll be a great mum regardless of the choice you make. I was unable to Breastfeed and have no worries about the health of my dc as a result and there are definite advantages to bottle feeding. However, if you are someone who likes to go out and about is definitely recommend breastfeeding because, man, that sterilising is a real pita!!!! Also, I had no idea formula was so expensive!!!!

@HarrietM87 I said some benefit but your statement implied that there many. It reduces the risk of D and V and may reduce illness duration- these are the only studies that have stood up when repeated. The problem I have is when people imply that I have done my child a disservice and not given her the best start in life by talking about IQ, bonding, obesity, diabetes, that it is ‘pure’. No formula is not better than breast milk but it is a safe and suitable alternative. As I have said before breast is best is a harmful message as it implies that you are failing if it doesn’t work. It hasn’t significantly improved our breast feeding rates so it is time we take a more inclusive path. Rather than bashing each other and spouting myths or research that has since been proven poor e.g. your baby will be more intelligent if you breast feed or formula fed babies sleep better.

Breast is Best is only a harmful statement if there isn’t adequate support for the woman. Breastfeeding itself doesn’t cause mental health issues, it’s the lack of knowledge, support and information readily available that does.

I breastfed my first but my second was fed through a tube as my milk hadn't came in and I couldnt express so no I'm not breast feeding. Yes i could have breast fed later but I wanted to keep dc2 on the formula he was used to and actually taking well as I was just so happy he was finally feeding!

@Wuzzle85 I don’t care how you fed your child and I didn’t say any of the things you seem to think I think...maybe ask yourself why you’re reacting so strongly to this.

@TeddyIsaHe I had all the support in the world and it still didn’t work so for me the statement was harmful. I’ve spoken to a few women with similar experiences to mine who all felt the same. Hearing breast is best and then it not working despite support, tongue tie cuts, feeding groups has made them and me feel like a failure. It depends on your definition of support. Once I switched to bottle feeding (with advice and support from our GP) my network of support all disappeared overnight- I was left feeling awful. It took a long time for me to find that support again.

@HarrietM87 I never said you said those things just that I picked up on your statement that breast feeding is best fact without actually stating what benefits there were. I will step away from now as I have stated my experience and what I have come to understand myself since looking at the research. I originally came here to answer the OP’s question and have done that. I don’t think it will be constructive to continue to go back and forth. As I have said several times on this thread- I wish feeding support was more inclusive and didn’t just promote breast feeding. Good luck OP and to all other expectant or new mums however you choose or need to feed your child.

You will be in the majority and few in real life will judge you. You are worried about ff and hence only noticing things about bf. When I first started breastfeeding I was worried about public feeding and so whenever I went out all I saw was people formula feeding.

You should do what is right for you. The only thing I would say is that I was the same as you, especially after an NCT class about feeding made it sound absolutely hellish. As I knew how good it was for the baby I decided to give it a go as I knew even once was better than nothing.
It turned out that it was much easier than anything else and I fed my dd until she was 16 months and on cows milk...

Breastfeeding itself doesn’t cause mental health issues

Say that to a woman who feels trapped by BF, that feels like a mere milk bar, resenting the baby for feeding
Id say BF is the cause of mental health issues there

Agreed squeekums.
I have worked in maternity care for a decade. I’m well educated about breastfeeding. I had plenty of support. I still had an awful journey.
It’s too easy to blame not breastfeeding on a lack of knowledge and a lack of support. There are many other factors at play.
A PP mentioned about a mum hitting her baby. That was so very nearly me. I remember getting SO frustrated at my baby for not breastfeeding properly despite ALL the effort and the thousands of dollars I was spending trying to make it work. I was so sleep deprived and he was so ungrateful for all my efforts. I nearly hit him. It was the worst feeling. Instead I managed to put him down in his cot, walk away and seek help.
Breast milk is inarguably better. But my personal experience is that breast is most definitely not best.