I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

@WhatALearningCurve
In reality the only people that care whether you feed by breast or bottle tend to be people that breast feed. Especially after 6 months and they're weaned it never comes up in conversation by anyone else

Yes! This is so true, why is this I wonder ??

OP. You do what suits you, and do not listen to the PP who said ’ I have friends who FF and their babies get sick’ one of my kids was solely FF, another BF, guess which one was the sick one ? BF. In reality I don’t think it makes a difference, oh they also had allergies and asthma, breast milk didn’t cure that 🤣.

So long as your baby is fed, cared for and loved it’ll all be fine so who gives a shit. Also by the time they are 1 no one will ask/care or even know!

I also fully agree t Whatalearningcurve.

I knew it would take the first three or four days for any milk to come in but I wasn't interested in that. I wanted to formula feed, and preferred that to a screaming baby, which was what I had when DD1 was born because midwives were trying to force me to breastfeed. I was ill at the time too so I eventually just snapped and refused to let one near me if all she was going to do was park DD on my breast when I didn't want that.

@ScissorsBike I've never read such rubbish about breastfeeding v formula feeding.
I ebf both my dc. They usually had a last feed at 11pm and then woke at 3am for a night feed. I rarely had to feed my dc every 2 hours. And both of mine could drink from a cup at 5 months.
OP my dm was a midwife and she always said there's a lot more to being a good mum than breast feeding. My dil ff and was worried about telling me because she knows I support breastfeeding. I said if she and my dgs were happy then that's all that matters and it's her choice. I was a little disappointed but that was my problem not hers.
I do think though you should be open to change your mind if you want though.
Breast feeding is difficult for about 2 weeks and then it's just so quick and simple.
I'm tight so I can't imagine paying money for something I already have on tap.

Agree with you too, MadamePewter.

Long ago I watched a screaming baby and his very upset mum trying to breastfeed.
The baby was all arms and legs, and just couldn't latch on.
I told the mum, your child, demand a bottle, feed the baby, so he calms down, then go with what works too feed the baby.
I saw her years later, and she thanked me for letting her see she had choices.

@amazedmummy

I think you are confusing my post with being an anti formula post, it's not.

I've said I feel everyone should try before they decide it's not for them or it doesn't work. As you did.

Deciding before the baby is born to not even try bf, even to get that lovely initial rich colostrum into them, is in my opinion, selfish. It's a decision for you, not for baby.

Not continuing with bf because you literally can't anymore is not selfish.

I'm on the side of really not understanding how you don't even want to consider BF. Trying it and funding it's not for you, ok. But I would silently judge you for not even giving it a go.
Formulas are all the same, unless your baby has an cows milk allergy, so use whichever one you want. And follow on milk in unnecessary, it's just a way to make formula companies more money.

I didn't want to breastfeed and I didn't.
Ds is 5 and thriving.
Your body , your choice.

Can I recommend a book called Cribsheet by Emily Oster? She is an economist and looks at all the information people are given about having a baby and looks at the actual evidence about it. (She did one on pregnancy too called Expecting Better, which is also brilliant!) She talks a lot about breastfeeding vs formula and if there is any evidence. I think people's opinions of formula can be very outdated. The formula that is available now is so much better than what was available when we were babies! I would say ignore everyone else's opinions and do what is right for you. I'm due my first baby in 8 weeks and will (hopefully) be breastfeeding, it's so much cheaper! 🤣

@knightlight I hear you but what I'm saying is that if formula feeding was more accepted and we weren't hell bent on making mothers "try" then I wouldn't have felt the pressure and guilt which contributed to a very poor mental state. You agree with formula feeding but only when there isn't another option. You don't see not wanting to as a valid reason not to breastfeed.

@ScissorsBike
What a load of codswallop

I found breastfeeding my three children was and as I still am still is one of the things that most identified me as a woman and a mother and of which I am actually really glad I did for them and for me

It hasn’t ruined my life at all. Or theres. In any way whatsoever

Theirs

I didn’t want to breastfeed. I didn’t breastfeed.

Honestly don’t allow yourself to feel guilty. If you force yourself to breastfeed you won’t enjoy it and that will have a overall negative impact.

Ignore the judgy types on this thread. Mothers are judged for so many decisions. Either way there will be something to be judged about

:)

I'm a feminist and I see how bf has essentially ruined my female friends' lives. They have to do all the night shifts, for example - imagine not getting an unbroken night's sleep for six months. Ridiculous

What a load of crap. What do you actually think your breasts are for?

If you don’t want to bf, just don’t.

I felt a lot of pressure from midwives to bf my first and I ended up bottle feeding and feeling guilty because of all the people telling me I should bf. Ds1 is a happy healthy boy who has thrived on formula.

With ds2 I was more confident in saying I didn’t want to bf and no one questioned it.

Make a choice you are happy with. The most important thing your baby needs is happy and healthy mum and if bf is going to make you unhappy then it’s not right for you.

There’s nothing crap about that. It’s actually a common experience of breastfeeding mothers.

Not all but some find that they do most of the night times, their husbands can’t help them as much, they feel more stressed and tired.

There are cons to breastfeeding.

If you don’t want to breastfeed then just don’t. If people ask don’t bother discussing your decision with them. Tell them you are not breastfeeding. If they persist then either repeat that you aren’t breastfeeding or tell them you can’t. Don’t bother discussing it with anyone . It’s your decision. Don’t waste any time defending your position.

BTW. I breastfed all four kids because I wanted to but if I wanted to ff I would have done that instead. I literally wouldn’t give a shit what anyone else thought. 💁🏻‍♀️

You will be judged whatever your decision. I choose to formula feed from.day one. I have never felt guilty as I knew it was the right decision for me. My baby well now 7yr old is perfectly healthy and doing well at school. I have chosen to only have one child (I'm judged on this) and if I was to have another I would formula feed again. Unfortunately when you are a parent, people like to make you feel guilty and judge. You do what is best for you.

Also, if you are going to have kids then it’s best to try and not feel ‘guilty’ about things. That’s much easier said than done but there are so many things you could feel guilty about that it would occupy your thoughts all day long if you let it. Just do what you think is best or close enough and be confident in yourself and your own opinions. You won’t get it right all the time but nobody does.

@amazedmummy

knightlight I hear you but what I'm saying is that if formula feeding was more accepted

MORE accepted? It's already almost universal here. The uk has one of the lowest bf rates in the world

@ScarlettBlaize as in not viewed with disdain

I don’t understand how posts like this become so bogged down by personal experience and ‘I FF and my child doesn’t have asthma’ great research.

There are such things as facts. It shouldn’t be at all surprising that feeding a human baby milk specifically designed for that EXACT baby is far beneficial to giving the baby heavily processed and powdered milk from a large herd animal. Are we really having this conversation?! It’s actually desperately sad because it shows how good a job the formula companies have done on our society - we have grown women professing that the powdered milk of a COW is as good as what the woman herself can produce.

Do what you want to do about feeding but please let’s stop pretending formula is on a par with breastmilk. It is so far from that it’s untrue. A great book to read is ‘the politics of breastfeeding’.

I sometimes give my child baked beans and fish fingers for tea. Also she sometimes has quavers. I know I’m being lazy and it’s not good for her. I know that in those moments I’m not being the best parent I can be. I don’t start telling people that all the mums that make nutritious meals make me feel so guilty and actually baked beans are just as good for children as avocado. Accept your decisions.

I bottle fed mine from birth - both now very healthy adults. Bottle feeding is great - it's easy to get into a routine, and the father can feed them which is lovely. Good luck to you !

@Yellowandpurple78 I totally agree with you.

@Yellowandpurple78 hear hear!

FF if you want, we're lucky to have safe water in the country to do so but don't pretend it's almost as good. Your baby will be absolutely fine either way, but breast IS best.

(I'm talking specifically about the milk itself rather than everything which goes with a decision to BF)